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Posts posted by JH Michaels
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On 10/1/2016 at 7:55 AM, ames1212 said:
Jh,
Lets colaborate on it, it could be fun.
Amy
Hi Amy, thanks for the vote of confidence! I think it could be fun as well. I'm just learning how to use DAW software and as you know, there are some quite talented and thoroughly fantastic song smiths and musicians in this forum who are far and away better than I am. so please...check out some of my songs on soundcloud before you decide. and if you still do....let's talk.
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Yay Amy! Congrats!
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I'm working on something as well....but I will most likely not have it ready for submission by the dead-line.
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On 9/23/2016 at 1:14 PM, ames1212 said:
I grew upcountry as a blue tick hound.
A Myrle Haggard was my kind of sound.
B taught southern values since I was three.
.A Then you walked in Rebellion Bound.
B And you rocked the country out of me.
A Yeah you rocked my country when you came to town.
A Wearing ripped jeans riding on your bike.
A. Jimmy Hendrix blasting all night.
B Your a City boy , so different from me.
A always been a sucker for sucker for the bad boy type.
B But you rocked the country out of me.
A yeah you rocked the country out of my life.
Bridge
Your the kind mama warned me about,
But it's a little late for the warning now.
Your a Christian girls worst dream.
But you came on strong like james Dean.
And you rocked the country out of me.
Yeah you rocked the country out of me.
My sister said I was acting different.
needed to be baptized by the holy spirit.
Because I've become a rock N roll queen.
The Baptist are whispering I can hear it.
Because you rocked the country out of me.
You rocked my country, yes you did it...
Nicely done Ames....these are some good, solid lyrics. I don't know what you had in mind for music, but I had some fun with it in a 12 bar blues in A.
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I made a few tweeks but this feels good to me as a final write. Thanks to everyone for the crits and praise. This was a good one, John!
Innocent Eyes
Copyright 2016- JH Michaels (all rights reserved)
Verse: 1
We’re born into this world with innocent eyes
With no distrust and none to hate
But we learn from those we trust the most
Our mothers, fathers, and zealous faith
That shades our innocent eyes
Verse: 2
Some shout out that “It’s the word of God”!
But God doesn’t say these things
And He shudders at the crimson opera
Each demonic voice sings
To destroy our innocent eyes
Bridge:
We’re one and the same
Each and all
Only learning to walk
After we crawl
We’re born by fate
With a blank slate
We often never realize
When we lost
Our innocent eyes
Verse: 3
Oh tell me the colors of tears or blood
When skin is yellow, brown, white or black
The answer lies buried deep in our soul
But all we have to do is look back
Through innocent eyes
Outro:
We’re all the same
Through innocent eyes (x3)
Oh God let us keep
Our innocent eyes.
End
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On 9/20/2016 at 7:15 AM, ames1212 said:
Lol, Jh I have never heard that expression before, lol. Thank you. I thought of just repeating verse one and two, does it need another verse if you repeat it? I was trying to think where to go from there. I will work on some more to get it a little more blanaced and try to come up with one more verse. Thanks for the compliments.
amy
Ames and Les.....you can thank my great-grandma for that one.....it's the worst language I ever heard her say. I have no idea where she got it though.
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Good Goobers! You came up with that "real quick" ? sheesh, nicely done.......and I like the theme. Just a couple of nits from me.....I know mic rhymes with bike...but....mics don't blast anything so I have a hang up there....the other nit is that you should have another verse after the bridge .......so if this is what you can do real quick....I'd love to see what you add to the song.
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On 9/16/2016 at 6:09 PM, Skin said:
Theres not much I can offer on your lyric other than a few tweaks.
I did think the 3rd verse did not have the same flow to the melody i had for the other verses? This line makes me want to add words lol.
Each demonic voice sings to Of each demonic voice that sings?
Otherwise a good solid write that has a stong message and ticks all the boxes for the challenge
Thanks for the kind words my friend.....I've been thinking about it this weekend and I think I agree that the transition from Opera to "Each demonic voice...." needs just a little something to make it smoother. Musically, I've been lengthening some syllables to make it work in the 3rd verse....I might try adding a word or two to make it more consistant with verses 1 and 2 though. Good points! - john
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On 9/16/2016 at 6:04 PM, Skin said:
Heres a complete version, still unsure of it as a whole and have been twiddling with the bridge for ages then this came out.
Hope you enjoy the read
Grunty rock genre!
In The Name Of Rock n Roll ...copyright LGS2017VForgive me father I have sinned
Now the Devil owns my soulThey tell me I will go to HellIn the name of Rock n RollVBlackened heart twisted mindI've strayed outside the foldHe knows not what he does (they cry)In the name of Rock n RollI had an idea to swap these lines?added to the end of the originals.BI don't need the false salvationOf men with lack of visionBring on the four horsemen...If this is the Devils musicIf this is the Devils music........Bring on the four horsemenreplace "Then" with "And"Then I will ride with themVToo late now for redemptionThe bell of my master tollsI've chosen my own damnationIn the name of Rock n RollNice write Les! Personally, I like "If this is the Devil's music, bring on the four horsemen" FWIW, though, the bridge feels a bit short and stuttery (is that even a word?) at the last. maybe changing "music" to "anthem" to rhyme better with horsemen? maybe adding two mores line for a little more depth maybe with the hook again on the last line (eg. won't get no parole......while I ride to Rock n Roll") ? . Just some thoughts to consider. - John
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On 9/9/2016 at 3:07 PM, Karanis said:
Well, shoot... I can't meet the requirements on the references, but I can give out a base Idea.
If you could help a little, I might be able to take the idea and put it into the requirements.
Here:
(First Base Instrumental)(Choir)(End Choir)Silent shouts in oblivion
Echoes off of obsidian
The dying child of light
Can sing of true sinHere in the night, I lie
Out of a life supply
Floating eyes will wander
As I slowly choke and dieI can hear the gates opening
To the great all-knowing
My time has now comeDeath is now showing
I've become numb
To the last bell tollingNow in the dark, I sleep
With shadows of the deep
In my lies I surrender
To the others who will weep(Second Base Instrumental)(Wait, don't leave me!)
(There's nothing here to foresee!)(I don't belong here!)
(Death, come take me!)(End)I couldn't find anything in there to use as a refrain either, that being said, I think that you could come up with one pretty easily given the subject matter. I see the public figure, Death, and obsidian could be construed as a color in this context. I'm not seeing the reference to music genre (personally, I'd love to see a reference to polka..lol), or a number or a bridge that would follow the ballad form. I think you have some good material to comb through and massage into the proper format. I'd like to see what you do with it.
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Here's my submission....I think I have the proper form and all the ingredients required ....color: crimson, black, white publicfigure: God (why not go for the top) music genre: opera and number: one. I'm still working out the final chord progression, change-ups and transitions, but here are the lyrics I'm using. Any comments are welcome!
Innocent Eyes
Copyright 2016- JH Michaels (all rights reserved)
Verse: 1
We’re born into this world with innocent eyes
With no distrust and none to hate
But we learn from those we trust the most
Mothers, fathers, and pious faith
That shades our innocent eyes
Verse: 2
Some shout out that “It’s the word of God”!
But God doesn’t say these things
And He shudders at the crimson opera
Each demonic voice sings
To destroy our innocent eyes
Bridge:
We’re one and the same
Each and all
Only learning to walk
After we crawl
We’re just a blank slate
Born by fate
We often don’t realize
We have lost
Our innocent eyes
Verse: 3
Oh tell me the colors of tears or blood
When skin is white or black
The answer is deep in our soul
All we have to do is look back
Through innocent eyes
Outro:
We’re all the same
Through innocent eyes
We’re all the same
Through innocent eyes.
Inst then fade
End
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Hi Les, so far I'm hearing Ozzy Osborne doing this..that's a good thing...for some reason I keep hearing this to "Bark At the Moon" The only nit I have is the line " Knows not what he does they cry". It's more like David's favorite phrase "Yoda-speak" IMHO. Would you consider something like "Forgive me, for I have sinned" or at something else more direct? I'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of this! - John
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Ok....I feel like I just opened the musical version of the "Chopped" entre basket......thanks John....this ought to be fun!
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On 7/28/2016 at 2:20 PM, The Rev Jaystone said:
This is a song I wrote about a relationship coming to its conclusion. I wish I had a singer who'd wanna work on this and my many other songs. So check these lyrics out let me know. Ty The Rev. Jaystone
Falling
By The Rev Jaystone
and she says to me
why are you still here
have you not noticed
the sign are everywhere
Pre Chorus
and she has struck a nerve
took more than she deserved
stealing my heartbeat
gone but I'm breathing
Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN
I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING
So tired of chasingflowers that Wilt away
and she says to me
there is no other way
Pre Chorus
And she has struck a nervetook more than she deserve
Stealing my heartbeat
Your arrows still piercing
Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN
I FEEL LIKE I AM FALLING
Hi Rev,
You've got the right idea going here and I particularly like the line "so tired of chasing flowers that wilt away" However, the rest, I feel is low on content. With just two small verses, you aren't saying much, it almost feels over before you've really started if that makes sense. Take a look at all the previous lyrics, there is so much that can and should be said, thought or felt in such a personal disaster as a break-up. I think this song should be expanded to give it more depth. Just my 2 cents and keep at it!
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You guys work well together...kind of a real cinderella story. I would suggest " Or is there another route" for verse two or something shortened like that (I know it could be pronounced "root"). It feels more rhythmic with the verse to me and when I sing it with some music it flows a little better. Other than that small nit, this is a nicely written set of lyrics.
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I like it......well done Richard....I get a lot of imagery with these lyrics...and that is what they are supposed to do...
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On 7/16/2016 at 10:15 PM, Nightwolf said:
Waitin' for the phone to ring
Every Day I die
just a little
Just waitin' for the phone to ring
Waitin' on a word from my baby
And I still haven't heard a thing
I think my baby lost my number
Or she would have called by now
I think my baby lost my number
But I can't see how
For five long years now people
It was her number too
If I thought she wasn't gonna call
I don't know what I'd do
I get so lonely
Yeah, yes it's true
Waitin' for a call from you
Every Day I die just a little
Just waitin' for the phone to ring
Waitin' for word from my baby
And I still haven't heard a thing
Not a thing
Hey John,
I really hear this with some serious blues......I think it needs more content as well. a bridge, more chorus...another verse....lot's of stuff to choose from. I'd love to hear some music with this.
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On 7/17/2016 at 7:14 AM, Timbre said:
The End of My Last Chance
Copyright © 2016 by L.C. Campbell
Verse 1
I thought I’d have more time
To make our brand new start
But I waited too long
To take care of your heart
You tell me to move on
But I don’t see how I can
I’m a fool who missed the end of my last chance
Verse 2
I missed all the signs
That the end was near
You didn’t make demands
And you cried no more tears
I finally crossed your line
Written in the sand
I’m a fool who missed the end of my last chance
Chorus
What kind of man holds the world in his hands
Then lets it all go on a whim
Who turns his back on the love of a lifetime
To chase just one night of sin
And what do I see staring back in the mirror
When I get up the nerve to glance
Just a fool who missed the end of my last chance
Verse 3
I know that I was blind
Now you’re all that I can see
And your eyes are telling mine
You’re all but done with me
It’s finally sinking in
And it’s more than I can stand
I’m just a fool who missed the end of my last chance
Chorus
What kind of man holds the world in his hands
Then lets it all go on a whim
Who turns his back on the love of a lifetime
To chase just one night of sin
And what do I see staring back in the mirror
When I get up the nerve to glance
Just a fool who missed the end of my last chance
Repeat Chorus
Hi Timbre,
These are very tight lyrics..nicely done. The only minor nit I have would be "What kind of man holds the world in his hands" . I would think about changing that to " How can a man who holds my world in his hands.....let it go on just a whim" To me it makes him sound more like the callous,thoughtless, selfish, b****rd he is lol. Just a thought. Loved the read.
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On 7/17/2016 at 4:07 PM, Richard Tracey said:
Hope you don't mind me having a little shot at this. This was a song I wrote a while ago about an imaginary break-up (my wife hates when I write these kinds of lyrics, I have to keep telling her they are not about her )
Another Yesterday
You dream of tomorrowBut live for yesterdayIt's a world awayYour heart is lyingGave up on tryingA faith is dyingI know that you see itIt's not a secretDon't try to keep itThe winds are changingA life so fleetingA dream repeatingAnd all of the things we've doneA life that was full of funYou gave it all awayTo live for another yesterdayThe promise you're makingIt's not for breakingA dream awakingWhat is this feelingIt has no meaningA life you're stealingAnd all of the things we've doneA life that was full of funYou gave it all awayTo live for another yesterdaythis is a mainly piano based piece of music that I could never get to sound they way I imagined in my head. Hopefully the lyrics are the kind of idea you were looking for John.cheers RichardHi Richard,
I have to agree with timbre that the chorus could be stronger......to me it doesn't carry the same weight as the verses. As a suggestion maybe something like:
And all the things we've done
A life that was ours to run
You gave it all away
For a lie from yesterday
Maybe a tweak or two in the verses to tie in the "Buddy, you blew that one" theme. just my two cents and I did enjoy the read....keep them coming!
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23 hours ago, Richard Tracey said:
Hope you don't mind me having a little shot at this. This was a song I wrote a while ago about an imaginary break-up (my wife hates when I write these kinds of lyrics, I have to keep telling her they are not about her )
Another Yesterday
You dream of tomorrowBut live for yesterdayIt's a world awayYour heart is lyingGave up on tryingA faith is dyingI know that you see itIt's not a secretDon't try to keep itThe winds are changingA life so fleetingA dream repeatingAnd all of the things we've doneA life that was full of funYou gave it all awayTo live for another yesterdayThe promise you're makingIt's not for breakingA dream awakingWhat is this feelingIt has no meaningA life you're stealingAnd all of the things we've doneA life that was full of funYou gave it all awayTo live for another yesterdaythis is a mainly piano based piece of music that I could never get to sound they way I imagined in my head. Hopefully the lyrics are the kind of idea you were looking for John.cheers RichardThat is so funny.....my wife does the very same thing......so here's my entry for the big breakup. I just posted a song like this so I didn't think it would be fair to use it lol.
Let Me Down Softly
Copyright 2016 JH Michaels
All rights reserved
Verse:
I see you walking toward me
With a look that says
Something’s on your mind
So I’m holding my breath
You say we have to talk
Well don’t it always start that way
You came to say good-bye
And you just can’t stay
Pre-Chorus:
So like golden sunlight
On an autumn day
Like falling leaves
So please……………………..
Chorus:
Let me down softly
Oh
Let me down softly
Bridge:
It’s not a surprise you found someone new
You said it started out small then changed and grew
You tried to warn me so many times, oh it’s true
That you needed more than I could give to you.
Pre-chorus:
So like golden sunlight
On an autumn day
Like falling leaves
So please………………………
Chorus
Verse:
I’m quietly dying inside
But I put on a brave show
And tell you I wish you all the best
While you sadly smile and go
And with you goes a part of me
That will forever be gone
And how can I stop loving you
When you’re all I want
Pre-chorus:
So like golden sunlight
On an autumn day
Like falling leaves
So please………………………
Chorus/end:
Let me down softly
Oh
Let me down softly
Yeah
Let me down softly
Oh
Let me down softly
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I'm thinking that this might be good for Alanis Morisette as a female artist......Nickelback for male artist/group. Obviously this is about a chronic abuser that finally gets theirs in the end. Definitely not my normal lyrics.
A Street Stained Red
Copyright JH Michaels
2016 All Rights Reserved
Intro:
Face down in the street stained red
Think about every word you said
Blood pourin’ over me like rain
Face down in the street stained red
Think about every slap where I bled
This is where it all comes to an end
Verse:
Don’t look at me that way
I couldn’t help this, I couldn’t stop the rage
I’m not the only one that you’ve beat this way
And when you hit the ground
I’m not the only face in the crowd
I’m not the only one that wants to end you
Chorus: x2
Face down in the street stained red
Think about every word you said
Blood pourin’ over me like rain
It’s your turn to feel the pain
Verse:
This is really the end
You’ll never, ever do this to me again
Did you know that the deepest, darkest part of me fears you?
Well I heard all those “sorry’s” before
It don’t matter to me, I can’t hear those lies no more
Well I’m not the one
I’m not the one
I will not be the one to be scared
Chorus: x2
Instr
Bridge:
Down to the line
That separates you and I with all those lies
I was so damned blind
From that moment in time when you and I became one
Outro:
Don’t look at me that way
I couldn’t help this, I couldn’t stop the rage
I’m not going to be the one to keep living this way….yeah
Chorus: x2
This is where it all comes to an end
Yeah
(gun shot)
End
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I've got one...I'll post it up later today. Just a little thing like a day job to hold things up a bit lol.
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2 hours ago, HoboSage said:
Nice love song, JH. Without knowing the music, I can't say it could work, but as a general proposition I think the chorus would be stronger if it ended with the hook. If it could work with the music, or with a tweak to the chorus music, I think a four-line chorus with a repeat of the hook as a fifth tag line - something like this - could be a stronger chorus for this.
that's where the love is
and no matter where I roam
I feel you and feel at home
your smile, your touch, your kiss . . .
that's where the love is
You might also think about cutting "the" from the hook and make it "that's where love is."
Just my $0.02.
Thanks David....who said you can't write love songs....lol That's a nice chorus...It would change the music quite a bit, however, but it's not like it's written in stone. There's always room for a little changer here and there.
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On 6/30/2016 at 4:26 PM, Skin said:
Blimey my brain hurts lol!
Well I've tried again, and still working on the other one.
I hope I'm on the right track for this one although it might not seem so without an idea of the story for this.
Still young but thought I would post, chorus not all together there yet but I will work on it. Nor the bridge.
Im away for a couple of days but will have my iPad and will try to comment on other posts ASAP.
The story is of a man in a coma and his wife/partner is with him 24/7 he can feel her he can hear her but cannot show it, then he wakes up. Does it make sense?
Here goes and I hope you enjoy the read.
You Alone
VHolding my handI felt your loveThough I couldn't tell youVYour gentle kissStirred my soulI so wanted too hold youCI could feel your presence everydayI don't know how long I've been awayThere's one thing I have to sayYou alone-pulled me throughYou alone-kept me aliveYou gave me the will to surviveVYour soothing voiceGave me peaceIn my darkest momentsVWhen your tearsTouched my cheekI cried deep down insideCI could feel your presence everydayI don't know how long I've been awayThere's one thing I have to sayYou alone-pulled me throughYou alone-kept me aliveYou gave me the will to surviveB. This needs work and I will adjust it soon as I can.When I opened my eyesYou were thereMy vision was blurredBut I knew it was youC
I could feel your presence everydayI don't know how long I've been awayThere's one thing I have to sayYou alone-pulled me throughYou alone-kept me aliveYou gave me the will to surviveAfter I read the back-story I understand how it all ties together......but for those that don't have that leg-up...a reference to a hospital or a crash, some terrible event that caused the whole situation would help. Here's a twist...(true story as far as I know). a soldier was blown into a wall by a mortar blast....he was in a coma for 2 weeks. his wife never left the hospital for the entire time and she was there when he woke up. He was blind from the damage but knew instantly it was her that was there.. the happy ending in that story is that eventually his eye sight returned after a few months. so I guess what I'm trying to say is that it should be a hugely powerful moment at the awakening with a set up prior to the bridge and I think you are close. Overall.....I really like the write and the idea, Les.
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12 Bar Blues Cross Challenge #1
in Writing Challenges
Posted
I just had to jump in on the married train...my first wife ended up in the state hospital for the mentally whacked. Not my fault! Honest! By the way Les, for some reason I keep adding "baby" after D-Day in your first submission...