Echappee

I have come to the age when as I strain towards the closed doors of this voyage which threatens to sink, I desperately cling on to the feathered remains of a childhood long lost I still remember the day when I succeeded in transforming a quote in the Bible to memory; How delighted was I then, to impress the giants who had parked themselves beside me I fear for the day when I leave this roof over me, to embark on my lonesome quest; The shield round my heart will be irreversibly shattered to reveal its obscure naivety I will crumble ineluctably when the time comes for me to be integrated into the flood; I thrash fitfully in this dead sea, get drawn under by those too thirsty to lose out I will unrecognizable when I finally reach the end of this debilitate voyage; having been disfigured by the unending surges of inexplicable power of higher order I may turn my back on the perfidious law of the Earth when it is time for me to fall; for I fear the conundrums that will undoubtedly char the heart of a childhood long lost

Hey Nightwolf: There would be no need for friends; nor a need for support. I find that 'nor need a helping hand' doesn't quite fit into what I'm trying to bring across here - I'm saying it from the view point of a human being who has been reduced to a mechanical being due to being immersed and influenced by various negative aspects of society today. I would stop at absolutely nothing to attain the highest power Yes, as I stated above, this human being is still a human being - a human being who has to climb the ladder of power in his/her profession. Although the title is 'Machine', I am referring to a human being who still has to do what about every human being does on earth: work, eat, and have people around [no matter how much this human being hates it] Still, thanks for your comments, it definitely allowed me to understand my own piece more, with deeper meaning! Hey Fapbreathe: It rang true with me, as there are so many people in this world who *are* very nearly machines, and a good few who have completed that transition. some people really want that to be true. they want to feel independent and controlling. and their eyes are dead. it takes a lot of layer removing and desperately trying to find something of worth, some little nugget of fascination, to get past that. I so agree with those lines. 'Them' is anyone - people around this "Machine", people who aren't like this "machine". Thanks for your comments!

Hmm somehow I prefer how 'eyes that kill' sound like. I may be weird but yes, it's 'sounds' to me. When I say 'when you look' I mean 'if you were to look' but then that would break the flow, wouldn't it? I really welcome an in-depth review, if you don't mind And thanks for taking the time to review my work!

Your word choices worked well. Great work!

The diction you used and imagery you painted works really well. Really liked it.

Sometimes I wish, I were a machine - I'd watch all of them with eyes that kill. I would work around the clock; rest would be redundant to me. There would be no need for friends; nor a need for support. I would stop at absolutely nothing to attain the highest power. There would be no need for lovers, for my heart would be of stone. When you look into my eyes, they will be blank; they will be dead. My eyes would be empty I will own no soul Just organs encased in a hard frame. A machine.

Thanks all. Hmm, good way of reducing spam

Thanks everyone. I'm from Singapore, not sure if it's heard of? Hmm, and is there a way to edit posts? Thanks.

I'm sorry but can anyone enlighten me on how to delete posts?

I've been looking for an outlet to get constructive criticism for my lyrics, and I think I have found a pretty good place. I've been browsing through the Music Forum, and am quite blown away by the quality of the lyrics. I hope to be at that level soon, with hard work.