Beautiful Stranger Sonnet 5

[Da Prophecy]

This is one of my sonnets from a series of them I am doing collectively known as beautiful stranger. I posted the first one in the series a little while back. This is the fifth one. To give a heads up, we had been talking for three months (now we're up to four months roughly) and hadn't seen each other since we started talking (and only one other time overall). I wrote this the night before I surprise visited her for Valentine's weekend so that means that the tomorrow in the 13th line has a double meaning. Sorry for the long intro.

How will my heart respond when we exchange

Gaze for gaze, dark brown eyes for lovely blue

For the first time since the unsubtle change

From mere strangers to starting something new?

Shall it resound with violent, joyous

Pounding due to the fact the raging sea

Of longing has subsided before us

Leaving me face to face with rare beauty,

Or shall it continue its steady beat

Unmoved by what time and distance withheld

Because in plain sight you were not as sweet

As expected when you were first unveiled?

Though only tomorrow knows the answer

The thought has made my heart quite the dancer.

[Rudi]

Lovely. It held me all the way through til the last line. For me though, it falls at the finish line.

nothing wrong with the sentiment or idea of line 14, just the word 'quite' jars with me somehow. `Quite the dancer' seems out of kilter with the rest of the sonnet.

With that exception, it is beautiful.

[Da Prophecy]

Hey Rudi,

Thanks for the comment and thanks for reading. Honestly, I had a hard time coming up with the last line of this sonnet. I just couldn't seem to get anything to fit what I was trying to say and stick to the rhyme scheme. That's the tough thing about having to stick to a rhyme scheme. Thanks again for the reply!

[Lazz]

Hi DP

Great to see you continuing with these.

I agree with Rudi.

About the beauty as well as "quite the dancer"

I reckon changing the penultimate line might offer alternate resolutions to weigh.

With maybe more rhyming/meaning options.

Something like...

"Though tomorrow alone will hold the key"

[Da Prophecy]

Hey Lazz,

Thanks for the comment. That line is pretty good and I will definitely consider trying it out to see what I come up with to end the sonnet. Thanks again!!!

[crea]

great poem, a given 9

[Da Prophecy]

Thanks for the grade Crea!