Weekly Challenge Monday, May 4

[McnaughtonPark]

Everyone could use a laugh, at least a smile, the challenge is to present a piece on any subject, any creative form, but the goal is to make someone laugh.

[Steve]

Not as easy as it sounds!

[McnaughtonPark]

Wondyfull piece, as I'm smiling stupidly

[McnaughtonPark]

Here is my attempt:

Little Cars

I was sitting down at the breakfast table

Reading up on the e-conomy

The subject of the day was automobiles

And how to save big money

So I read it real close and made up my mind

Drove straight to the showroom floor

Bought me one of those little cars

Too small for all four doors

I bought me one of those little cars

Little cars, little cars

I bought me one of those little cars

I’m politically correct

I bought me one of those little cars

It gets forty clicks to the liter

It has a rubber band for fan belt

And an hour glass speedomino meter

The interior’s just large enough

For me and a couple of breaths

The title doubles as a will of sale

Damn near sticker shocked to death

I bought me one of those little cars

Little cars, little cars

I bought me one of those little cars

I’m politically correct

It’s true they save a lot of money

And they’re better for the ozone layer

But the bumper to bumper warranty

Sounded too much like a prayer

So I drove it around to my garage

And pulled out that tinker toy engine

Stuffed in a blown four-fifty-four

Horsepower is my religion

I bought me one of those little cars

Little cars, little cars

I bought me one of those little cars

I’m politically correct

Banned from church activities

My car gave the nuns a new habit

The cops just wave as I fly on past

‘Cause they’ve never seen anything like it

Chrome side pipes and racing stripes

The envy of all racing fans

John Force wrote the other day

Said I’m a true American

I bought me one of those little cars

Little cars, little cars

I bought me one of those little cars

I’m politically correct

[TaoMannaDon]

Can I play?

I actually wrote this during the Elephant in the Room challenge but it didn't seem to fit with the other entries so I didn't post it.

The Elephant in the Room

Verse 1:

I walk across the hardwood floor

To find out who is at my door

But half way there I slip and fall

On something usually found .... in an animal stall

Chorus:

Somebody did his business and left his calling card

The elephant in the room is gonna have to stay in our backyard

I really need an over-sized shovel

And maybe great big broom

To clean up the mess that was left behind

By the elephant in the room

Verse 2:

I stumble to my locked front door

The wife is home from the grocery store

"I forgot my key" is what she said

She sees that monstrous mound ... then her face turns red

So I told her ...

Chorus:

Somebody did his business and left his calling card

The elephant in the room is gonna have to stay in our backyard

I really need an over-sized shovel

And maybe great big broom

To clean up the mess that was left behind

By the elephant in the room

Bridge:

I said that I was sorry and it won't ever happen again

For the next three months I'll guess I'll be sleeping on the sofa in the den

All because my floppy-eared buddy .... likes to watch TV

But I say "Look at the bright side .... at least he didn't pee"

Everybody sing ....

Chorus:

Somebody did his business and left his calling card

The elephant in the room is gonna have to stay in our backyard

I really need an over-sized shovel

And maybe great big broom

To clean up the mess that was left behind

By the elephant in the room

[Steve]

Well done guys! Funny stuff!

[McnaughtonPark]

This is fun, and glad to hear from you again Don. Mine is new, and in need of some editing yet, but I had a blast writing it and reading your stuff guys. I'm thinking this is right up Alistairs Alley and am looking forward to Steve's humor too.

[McnaughtonPark]

Here is one from a long time ago that didn't get much air time...

The Wino Song

I met a man who had a plan,

To get me rich real quick.

He pulled out a fancy diagram,

Looked like a pyramid.

I went to the bank, took half my money,

Built a castle in my mind,

As it turns out,

I should have spent my money on wine.

'Cause wino's never hurt no one,

And they like to ride on trains.

Some wino's act like little kids,

Who have marshmallows for brains.

They sleep all day and drink all night,

And some are downright funny,

I'm thinkin' I,

Should have spent my money on wine.

Can't remember how it happened,

But I got married and didn't know it,

She said the wedding was all that she had dreamed.

Then just as quick as it didn't happen,

She took half my money to Manhattan,

Now they call her Ma'am at Tiffany's.

Roulette, craps and slot machines,

Five card draw and twenty-one,

I can feel it in my bones I'm rollin' high.

As the night goes on, I keep loosin'

That's what I get when I quit boozin'

I think I should have spent my money on wine.

'Cause wino's never hurt no one,

And they like to ride on trains.

Some wino's act like little kids,

Who have marshmallows for brains.

They sleep all day and drink all night,

And some are downright funny,

I'm thinkin' I,

Should have spent my money on wine.

Spumanti, Gest, or Mer lo,

Champagne, Port, a nice Bordeaux,

Are for a pallet a little finer than mine.

Give me homemade Vino from the cellar,

Excuse me a second, would you fella'

But do you think you could spare a dime?

I think I'm

Gonna'- spend - all - my - money - on - wine.

'Cause wino's never hurt no one,

And they like to ride on trains.

Some wino's act like little kids,

Who have marshmallows for brains.

They sleep all day and drink all night,

And some are downright funny,

I'm thinkin' I,

Should have spent my money on wine.

This post has been edited by McnaughtonPark: Jan 9 2008, 07:46 PM

[Lazz]

A MAN”S JOB

(You are what you eat – it is my pleasure to be a ****)

Women are so lovely, even better now they’re free

To do what e’r they want to do, be what they want to be,

To strive for what they dream of, be it ever out of reash

But it’s a man’s job

To cut the quiche

We’re equal now in everything, we have to share the chores.

In some parts of the western world, they even have male whores

Now some may say in consequence that “Life’s become a bish”

But it’s a man’s job

To cut the quiche

I used to hunt with hand-made spear

The tiger, and the mammoth

(you have to get up close to them real quiet),

I carved the moose for festivals,

And roast beef on the sabbath,

Way back before our politics got mixed up with our diet ...

But love affairs were always an accompaniment of food

A metaphor for something more, more sensual than rude,

Centuries of history have this one thing to teash

That it’s a man’s job

To cut the quiche

[Boff]

I have my ideas, but I'll have to ask: what does "cut the quiche" mean?

[Lazz]

A quiche is an open pie with vegetables and maybe some finely chopped cooked meat baked in an egg and milk custard.

It's French in origin and often regarded as effete - it's certainly NOT your basic macho meat and two veg.

There was once even a tongue-in-book about stereotypes of masculinity called "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche".

But if you ARE going to eat quiche, then you have to cut it into slices, just like any other regular pie.

[McnaughtonPark]

Great stuff Lazz, I eat quiche in disquize

Boff, you may have been thinking of "cut the cheese", another well known lyric of men.

Edited May 11, 2009 by McnaughtonPark

[tiltedhead]

Great stuff guys!

When are we looking at a new challenge?

[McnaughtonPark]

hatch an idea and post a new topic tilt