Life Without Me

[Alyricman]

What's life without me

Is it like a fish without water

Or a paper riven from a notebook

A mother with no daughter

Or a twin with no sister or brother

Maybe it is something other?

Now I know what's life without you

My fish swims in a deep blue sea

I still write my diary without you

My mother has only me

My sister found her brother

It's not something other!

[Mazrocon]

Hi lyricam,

This seems different from you. I'm all for short poems (even though what I write is usually pretty lengthy), but I feel something is missing. Like there needs to be something between the first and second stanza. When you start off the next part "Now I know what's life without you" you don't explain why do you 'now' know?

I think with one or two more stanzas it would be better

~TIMOTHY~

[Alyricman]

Hi lyricam,

This seems different from you. I'm all for short poems (even though what I write is usually pretty lengthy), but I feel something is missing. Like there needs to be something between the first and second stanza. When you start off the next part "Now I know what's life without you" you don't explain why do you 'now' know?

I think with one or two more stanzas it would be better

~TIMOTHY~

I agree with you...

But when I was writting this poem, I imagine it like a short conversation between two person> The first person talk (He asks questions to the second person) in the first stanza, while the second person answers to these questions in the second stanza... you know what I mean? But it can be as you imagine, I will see what I can do with it ... but I am too busy these days... Thank you for reading my poem. I can't believe that my song doesn't have mistakes

Edited September 4, 2010 by Alyricman