My First Post

[HaleyRae]

On the opposite shore

Your reflection is blurred

Beyond the crashing waves

And speeches slurred

You try to recall

That castle in the sky

Far beyond the clouds

A pair of bright eyes

That thought of a memory

Now an artificial dream

It's rough on the outside

But its worse than it seems

The writing on the wall

Speaks words of remorse

The time of our lives

Has run its course

The hallowed doctrine

Now lost and gone

The war is already over

But the battle is raging on.

[rhymingdiamond]

Your first attemtis far better than mine was.I take it that you've lost someone in death and it's a hard struggle to go on. Maybe I'm wrong about that and if I am I'm sorry. It's beautifully written by the way, so keep it up. Jan

[DavidW]

I think lyrics are poems and vice versa, really.

I think this is well written and could be about aging.

[Kanonkalkon]

Nice poem, so is it about aging or death or somebody who is very ill?

[x_*kate*_x]

Good piece, flows nicely and creates a good picture. Keep writing!