Choices

[x_*kate*_x]

My emotions are overflowing

My feelings keep on growing

The walls are knocked down

So I can't hide

I keep hearing voices

Giving me to many choices

Which paths I should take

What ones real, what ones fake

Will it be love?

Or will be it heartbreak?

I thought I fell before

But always wanted more

I hid behind my smile

Knowing it was juvenile

The thing I once called love

To find out I was alone

my heart was turned to stone

Once was blessed

But now I'm a mess

Afraid to fall again

It's standing right in front of me

Another chance, another opportunity

To have my heart fall again

Should I take it?

Or should I run?

I'm lost with confusion

Whether it's real

Or an illusion

But when the kiss happens

It's magic.

[Donna]

I like it, Kate!

Are you rewriting or going to keep it as is?

[x_*kate*_x]

Thanks! I am keeping it as is!

[Donna]

Thanks! I am keeping it as is!

+1

[Dolce]

I also like this. I think that we all can relate and that makes it universal -

There are a few issues though -

@Giving me (to) many choices@

the to should be too - but it is an easy oversight -

Maybe this verse could be improved though

I thought I fell before

But always wanted more

I hid behind my smile

Knowing it was juvenile ------------ Believing and not Knowing?

The thing I once called love ------------ These two lines

To find out I was alone -------------- Don't make a good sentence

my heart was turned to stone --------------- Nor do the next 2

Once was blessed

But now I'm a mess

Afraid to fall again

[x_*kate*_x]

thanks for the comments though. however i would like to know what you mean by believing and not knowing? are you saying i should change the word knowing to believing??? and for the other lines what makes them a not so good sentence?? just curious.

[Dolce]

thanks for the comments though. however i would like to know what you mean by believing and not knowing? are you saying i should change the word knowing to believing??? and for the other lines what makes them a not so good sentence?? just curious.

I just think believing is better because there is a subtle aliteration between that and the behind in the previous line - though there is nothing wrong intrinsically with knowing! Sorry, I should have mentioned that.

Well if you write your two lines together - The thing I once called love To find out I was alone - do you think this makes a good sentence?

Compare this with your last two lines: But now I'm a mess, Afraid to fall again.

This is good. Also your first verse is really excellent - I think it is always a good idea to use commas and full stops when we are writing verse - even if we omit them later -

[Dolce]

I just think believing is better because there is a subtle aliteration between that and the behind in the previous line - though there is nothing wrong intrinsically with knowing! Sorry, I should have mentioned that.

Also because you didn't use punctuation marks I misread it! My apologies!

If you had put a full stop after 'hid behind my smile.' then The next two lines make perfect sense!

That's why I think we should always use puntuation marks in verse!

[Donna]

Dolce, you do have a point about using punctuation marks in verse, if by verse you mean 'poetry'/spoken verse.

Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll remain unfulfilled -- ain't gonna happen with lyricists!

Such is life.

ETA: which is likely why I encountered no unease in the "The thing I once called..." sequence, because I read poetry and lyrics alike, as if they were all lyrics (meaning I auto-pilot-like mentally add punctuation, pauses, etc;).