One Velvet Night

[jimharmon]

One Velvet Night

One velvet night Serenity floated quietly

between the sunset and the moon rise,

wound its way among the mangroves and the palms,

whispering affirmations of joy to the benevolent breeze.

Whippoorwills confirmed its presence

as ripples radiated the rhythm of the journey to

the wetlands grasses along the vague shoreline.

One velvet night joy sought expression

through passion in the presence of freedom

and shared the gift of oneness

with all that would understand.

One velvet night the spirits of ancestors ( dead trees atop an Indian mound)

from the lonely earth raised their scraggly arms

to the heavens in praise

for the joy alive at their feet.

One velvet night two hearts consummated

a silent understanding

somewhere between the sunset and the moon rise.

Then Serenity carried them back to reality.

One Velvet Night!

[jimharmon]

will try to download drawing which will help explain poem....for all of those from Rio Linda!

velvet night.pdf

[buckfoston824]

I like this a lot. You seem to have an endless supply of poetry flowing from your mind.

Your use of personification is great in these lines

wound its way among the mangroves and the palms,

whispering affirmations of joy to the benevolent breeze.

Whippoorwills confirmed its presence

the only thing I would suggest changing is "among" in third line of the first stanza to "between"

there are only two objects being used in the phrase, so between would be appropriate.

[jimharmon]

Thanks for the feedback. I was certainly between the mangroves and palms as well as among them!

[jimharmon]

If you liked this one, check out Rhapsody I posted a while back

[psyve]

Jim,

Very nice indeed.

Very tranquil, yet very much alive to the moment.

I think you conveyed the sense of tranquility among the mangroves very well.

Loved the drawing too, by the way. You referred to it as " pen and ink" but the artwork has a "pencil-on-cartridge paper" like quality to my eye for some reason...

Is that caused by Photoshop / Picasa software at work?

Psyve

[jimharmon]

No, It was definitely pen and ink on parchment. I just scanned it and downloaded it to the forum.

Thanks for looking!

[psyve]

I see that , like me, you enjoy both uses of your pen: the written word AND the drawn line.

[jimharmon]

Indeed. I illustrate many of my poems.

[psyve]

As have I with several of my songs. :-)

[bluejeanjunky]

wow! wish I could somehow illustrate through writing what's on my mind just like you.

I like this part:

One velvet night joy sought expression

through passion in the presence of freedom

and shared the gift of oneness

with all that would understand.

___________________________________________

These blogs keep the fire of music burning in me:

www.scarysquids.com

www.audiomasteringman.com

[susiewhiting]

This is beautiful Jim.

[chollyred]

You have a gift of visualization through your words. Very nice.

One slight tweak...

Whippoorwills confirmed its presence

Multiple Whipoorwills, but single presence...

Whipoorwills confirmed their presence

or

The Whipoorwill confirmed it's presence

[jimharmon]

Thanks for the read, brother. You went back a long ways to find this one. I do like it a lot. You can find a ton of my things here. Havn't posted a lot recently, concentrating on getting music done for some. check out my sound cloud stuff. www.soundcloud.com/papa-cat

Check lyrics also, hundreds of them.

If you liked this poem , read Rhapsody

[chollyred]

Thanks for the read, brother. You went back a long ways to find this one. I do like it a lot. You can find a ton of my things here. Havn't posted a lot recently, concentrating on getting music done for some. check out my sound cloud stuff. www.soundcloud.com/papa-cat

Check lyrics also, hundreds of them.

If you liked this poem , read Rhapsody

I went back and found Rhapsody. Beautiful work, especially for someone with any kind of orchestral background. I could hear the din of the orchestra just before the conductor takes the podium having been there in my youth. Again, more great allegory. The reader can vizualize the stage, the performer, etc. only to finally realize you're personifying love. Like someone posted in that thread, BRAVISSIMO!

[jimharmon]

I did another one called "Meditation" you might like as well.

I appreciate your comments.