Two Songs. Would Enjoy Feedback

[Nater92]

Song 1

I wish I knew you

Yet I barely know me

Wishing is for the hopeful

Yet we can believe one day we’ll see

That beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder

Love has moved mountains

 Why can’t it move a boulder?

 

An obstacle in your way

At first glance, has got you at dismay

But know this; your troubles will set in the past

Your actions are what are left to last

You learn to realize you’re self

And be good to others

There is Too many kids here without mothers

 

Through war, through neglect, through irresponsibility

Has left these kids thinking they don’t have the ability

To make a difference

It’s hard to dream when you’ve never seen a white picket fence

Till the day you realize

That your dreams are for you to visualize

Life’s serious but you shouldn’t take it like that

Every day is an inning at bat

Anything could happen

As long as you don’t sit back and watch your own closed caption

 

When I think of love

I am instantly lost

It’s hard to believe that a man like me

Could have his heart glazed with frost

But I know I’m the one who’s let my dreams go soft

 

 

Song 2

Love life, love the strife, keep pushing on. Don't accept where you’ve been, accept the fact that you will never know when. You could be greater then you have ever been

Is it the music that keeps me going

Is it the hardships that keep me flowing 

Is it really a certain sound that brings me joy

I could talk all day

About what brings a smile

Some people never learned to turn to that dial

And that’s okay

But Not with  me

The mass will never see

That I keep truth hidden

But I shower my love with the lost of the forbidden

To my kin to my friends to the ones

Who run on ends

They say metaphors 

Are the best way to teach

But when your saying you feel like big meech

People gonna question

And they got the right to

Its just what people do

But listen to a man who has had his heart broke

Im talking real shit this aint no joke

Keep yourself in line

With what you choose to define

Nothings better than being kind

You should take that as a sign

To move past your troubles

History has shown

What you put forth only doubles

Now tell me

What do you live for

Is it a great man in a book

Did science get you with a hook

Life gives you a choice

Read a book and find out you got a voice

Then speak out and rejoice

Because as long as your loving me

There aint nothing left to see

A Beat a rhyme

Anyone could use a dime

Aloe needs a dollar and he’ll give you the time

I need a buck so I gave you this rhyme

As I look at the time I realize

My  song is mixed emotions that I comprise

All along and I am just looking for love

In all the wrong places

Cant say I don’t fall for cute faces

Now heres something for me to look back on

21 right now but damn ive never more on the plow

Hits of today will be classics and considered to be risqué

And I love my life, I love all the strife

Sometimes it takes the cut of a knife

To bring you back to life

 

 

 

Would greatly appreciate feedback and criticism of any sort.

I am looking for some direction to take my songs.

Thank you for your time

[Lyriclady]

It would be easier for the reader if you could let us know what is the verse, chorus, etc....is one of these a rap song (2nd one)? Other than that, you had some great lines in these songs, good message. 

 

Sophia 

[Nater92]

Thanks for the feedback Sophia. Yes the second one is intended to be a rap and I plan on revising them soon.

 

-Nate