Challenge #30 - Season By Season

[butcher]

Hi, here are mon songs. This is my first assignment and I struggled, but here it is anyway. I hope to get feedback on them.

 

Fall (AABA)

Verse

I've been looking forward to fall since last year.

I love the time we spend hunting deer.

The leaves on the trees have never looked better.

I can't remember having a better November.

Verse

Even if the days are getting shorter everyday.

I still enjoy staring at the hay.

Even if the snow and ice is here.

We have to find the time to walk to the pier.

Bridge

But some days I feel depressed.

Because soon we'll be stuck inside for a while.

When we're not forced to clean the snow.

Then we'll be thinking about next spring.

Verse

For now let's get in the Jeep and get out of this crud.

Let's go in the woods and play in the mud.

And maybe we'll be lucky and see a deer.

Then we'll go and sit at the pier.

 

Winter (AAB)

Verse

The snow is falling down, it's up to my knees.

The snow is falling down, I lost my skies.

Where is the sun? I don't know.

Verse

Ice pellets are hitting my face, my nose is bleeding.

Ice pellets are hitting my face, my teethes are hurting.

Where is the sun? I don't know.

Bridge

The days are getting longer but I want to sleep more.

The days are getting longer, but I don't go out no more.

Where is the damn sun? I don't know.

 

Spring (ABC)

Verse

Now that spring is here, the snow is melting away.

The birds are signing and playing by the bay.

Day by day the days are getting longer.

And the flowers make everything prettier.

Chorus

So long snow, I'm happy that you're leaving.

I won't have to deal with you for a while.

The grass will be green and thick,

The beach will be opening soon and I will be free.

Bridge

But the weatherman says it will rain for a month.

I don't remember when it rained so much.

The puddles and pot holes are terrible.

I can't wait for summer to be here.

 

Summer (AAA)

Verse

The leaves are green and the water is shining.

The birds are signing while the dogs are playing.

The wind is creating waves on the ocean.

While the seagulls are chasing each other around.

Verse

This is the time to enjoy good company.

Maybe have a cold one on the balcony.

Party all afternoon and play music all night.

Even though you might regret tomorrow.

Verse

This fine weather will not last forever.

The days are getting shorter and shorter.

The nights in August will feel like fall.

But until then forget about it all.

 

[jamestoffee]

Hi Butcher,

 

Sorry it's taken a while to get a reply going.....sometimes life has a way of getting in the way.

 

Great writes.  You seem very comfortable with using the senses and writing with concrete images.

 

These are really just nitpicks.  In fact, without having a listen, I don’t think I’d suggest changing much at all.

 

For "Fall"

I'm not sure of the connection with the deer in the first and last verse....at first, the singer likes hunting deer....at the end "sees" a deer....maybe the assumption is that the singer will have a gun, but the line above is referring to joyriding in the jeep instead of hunting.

 

For "Winter"

I like the build up to the last line....that one does a good job of expressing the emotion

 

...wouldn't the days be getting shorter in winter instead of longer?.....then again after reading “Summer†I think you are saying it’s the end of Winter....maybe clarify that

 

For Spring

It looks good on the lyrics.....I'm not sure about the labeling verse, chorus, bridge....maybe Section A, B, C.....but without hearing it I couldn't tell....they all seem fairly balanced throughout, so again I don't know where the contrast would come without hearing it.

 

 

For Summer

To clarify the ending of the season.....

But now The days are getting shorter and shorter.

 

Again, overall, great job!  What music do you hear for these lyrics?

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

James

[butcher]

Hi James, thank you very much for your reply. I'll review all the comments with the lyrics and see how I can improve the. 

Thanks again.

Eric