My Face Smiling Alive

[nightmare alive]

As the smoke rolls in

I'm ready to fight

For my friends,family,and my life

 

I may not see what the future holds

but i determine

wheither in a few minutes i'll have

warm blood or cold

 

As the footsteps speed up on the ground

The clashings and screams are all around

I cry as i see friends fall

but i still stick up and fight for everything there lives hold

 

with my knife raised high

its all i got

but i promise my family

this will not be the last day

or the last night

that they'll see my face smiling alive

 

 

[thefool]

I like the third stanza, to me it is the most rhythmically pleasing. I think the last stanza departs from the rhythm altogether, which is kind of disconcerting. I can tell this is a very personal poem, but I somehow don't feel the tension you are trying to create. Maybe if you added some more imagery, something to make it real to your reader.