the auspices of porpoises

[merciful evans]

by evans its… the auspices of porpoises Jun 2005

bracing myself for grief and adversity

I said babe, what due want for your anniversary?

it turns out she wants to go swimming with dolphins

coz its a change from golfing, barbies and loafing

in ninety two, it was diving on the titanic

broaching thomas cook with this, I felt a ripe prannet

(thank you de-crapio and your poxy film, you prick!

im glad you drowned, you should’ve stayed down

kate winslet should’ve poked you under wiv a stick)

look, dolphins, I said, they got grace, speed & rhythm

and sweetheart, you’ll never gonna keep up with em

especially when they start jumping out the water and back in again

just you ask richard mabley and judy finnegan

they flit all over the ocean, in a rapid motion

are you saying im fat? she chimed

well I wasn’t, (but it crossed my mind)

no, why would I say that you was fat?

but by half past nine…

she’d changed her mind

and funk thack for that

[Steve]

are you saying im fat? she chimed

well I wasn’t, (but it crossed my mind)

Brilliant!

[merciful evans]

ok its done

by evans its… the auspices of porpoises Jun 2005

I braced myself for grief and adversity

and said babe, what due want for your anniversary?

it turns out she wants to go swimming with dolphins

coz its a change from golfing, barbies and loafing

last year, it was diving on the ti-flamin-tanic

freezing me nuts off and fending off gannets

at thomas cook they curled up, I felt such a prannet

thank you de-crapio and your poxy film, you prick!

im glad you drowned, and you should’ve stayed down

winslet, just poke him under wiv a stick

under the auspices of porpoises, out of reach

with me cheering her on from the beach

ill watch over you doll, ill bring my binoculars

for my part, ill come back tanned for the band

who on our return, will gibe and be jocular

just follow the fins and spouts for as long as you can

ill have tea and a towel ready back here on the sand

she said I should’ve leaned to swim, its a choker all right

but ill paddle out on the sunbed ‘til your out of sight, if you like

I heaved a deep sigh, and with a tear in my eye, replied

look, dolphins, I said, they got grace, speed & rhythm

and listen sweetheart, you’ll never keep up with em

especially when they start jumping out the water and back in again

just you ask richard mabley and judy finnegan

they flit all over the ocean, in a rapid motion

are you saying im fat? she chimed

well I wasn’t, (though it crossed my mind)

no, why should I say that you was fat?

but by half past nine…

she’d changed her mind

and fank thuck for that

[Steve]

Even better!

[Lazz]

Do you get to perform these pieces, Mister Merciful?

If you do - applause and good luck - they crack me up.

If you don't - I want to hear a damn good reason why not.

They are bucking frilliant !!

[Steve]

I agree. Perhaps we can apply to the arts council for a grant? We could have evans stuffed and mounted or somink!

[Lazz]

Dear Evans,

My love has a lurgie with shellfish.

She goes swimmy with endorphins.

(But she's not what you'd call fat.)

Edited June 4, 2005 by Lazz

[Steve]

I think you should both move to sunny Torquay!

[merciful evans]

Dear Evans,

My love has a lurgie with shellfish.

She goes swimmy with endorphins.

(But she's not what you'd call fat.)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

touche .

a touche of the havant guard

har har & fang cue

[Alistair]

touche .

a touche of the havant guard

har har & fang cue

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>