Can You Hear Me

[Ibmeyo]

I would swim through the coals on the bottom of hells floor.

If she could only hear the angel knocking on her door,

But her walls are made of every straw that broke her back.

All she can hear are the screaming echoes of her own attacks,

But im still here and the angel still persist.

Knocking on her door until she can't resist.

Try looking through the broken Windows the angel insist.

Take a deep gazing glance at her soul I'll give you an assist.

All I can see is an Angel ready to be set free.

Trapped inside the walls of straw and broken debris.

The only way to save her is to set her heart on fire.

With an internal spark of true passion and desire.

The kind that melts her soul into a sea of tears.

Drowning all her doubts and killing her fears.

As the flames burn on brighter and higher

Fueled by the affectionate touch of true loves eternal fire.

[TapperMike]

Hi,

 

Very interesting. Lots of imagery going on which I like.

 

Try re writing it into a more digestible format.Like ...

 

I would swim through the coals on the bottom of hells floor. 
If she could only hear the angel knocking on her door, 
But her walls are made of every straw that broke her back. 
All she can hear are the screaming echoes of her own attacks, 

 

But im still here and the angel still persist. 

Knocking on her door until she can't resist. 
Try looking through the broken Windows the angel insist. 

 

The kind that melts her soul into a sea of tears. 

Drowning all her doubts and killing her fears. 
As the flames burn on brighter and higher 
Fueled by the affectionate touch of true loves eternal fire. 

 

All I can see is an Angel ready to be set free. 
Trapped inside the walls of straw and broken debris. 
The only way to save her is to set her heart on fire. 
With an internal spark of true passion and desire. 
Take a deep gazing glance at her soul I'll give you an assist.