An Audience Of Two

[GrayGuy]

First shot at just poetry, haven't wrote anything in a long, long time. I know this is really long for a poem, I got a little carried away I guess. But please tell me what you guys think.

An Audience Of Two

If it were you and I for the world to see,

I'd confess my love upon my knees.

I would not care what they'd say or do,

Because I'm so deeply in love with you.

But alas it is just but us three;

You, me, and the moon you see.

But even for an audience of two,

I'd confess my love,

and hope you would too.

So I would ask of the moon one simple thing,

As he's done for ages; pull the tide's string.

While we sit by the water, you gaze at the stars,

I'm simply admiring how perfect you are.

If it were you and I for the world to see,

I'd ask them all to listen to me.

I would tell a story of a girl I once knew.

Tell reasons I still love her, there's quite a few.

But alas it is just but us three;

You, me, and the moon you see.

But even for an audience of few

I wound announce I'm in love,

And announce it's with you.

So I would ask of the moon one simple thing,

As he's done for ages; sleep, let the sun sing.

While we sit by the water, you gaze at the clouds,

I'm simply glad it's you I have found.

If it were you and I for the world to see,

We'd show them all what love can be.

I would grab you up, bring you in close,

And kiss the lips I love the most.

But alas it is just but us three;

You, me, and the moon you see.

But even for an audience of two

I'd proclaim my love,

And pray you would too.

So I would ask of the moon one simple thing,

As he's done for ages; be the night's king.

While we sit by the water, you gaze at the stars.

I'm simply admiring how in love we are.

[MPerry]

Hi Gray

 

This is beautiful, you can feel the depth of your love for sure!...you leave no doubt!!...there are many ways to express love and yours is another way, although I do agree it is on the wordy side, for that I feel if you cut certain words you will still express the same thought ( I use a thesausus), it's like a dictionary but gives you several word choices, if you don't use it you should, I find it very helpful!...I believe in the old adage less is more...and with a few cuts here and there you will see as I do now as I write what a difference in your writing it will make...it has for me!...just my two cents!...keep or sweep...looking forward to reading more from you!!....regards Mike

[GrayGuy]

Thank you guys so much! It really means a lot!

[MPerry]

Keep at..will be reading!...regards, Mike