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Asaphstable last won the day on February 15 2014

Asaphstable had the most liked content!

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15 Good

About Asaphstable

  • Rank
    Active Member
  • Birthday 03/11/1968

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  • Yahoo

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    United States of America
  • Interests
    songwriting, bass guitar and vocal performance, music theory, photography, hockey, commercial transportation, autism awareness

Music Background

  • Band / Artist Name
    G. Wilson
  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    6+ years experience lyricist composer, 12+ years experience bass guitar/vox/bgv performance.
  • Musical Influences
    Mozart, Beethoven, Orff; Dream Theater, Yes, Kansas, Rush, Zero Hour, Terry Scott Taylor, Michael Roe, Scott Staph, Michael W. Smith, Vertical Alignmen, Jimmy P. Brown II, Shamall, Michael Stand, Shinedown, Bo Diddly, Ted Kirkpatrick and MANY others


  • Songwriting Collaboration

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All

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1,024 profile views
  1. Red Red Moon

    Really enjoyed the read. I'm into all sorts of astronomical phenomenons like this, and so the title grabbed me. And then to discover you were literally writing on the subject... Enthralling! I very much like the angle you've taken on the subject; basing things on mankind's superstitions to unusual signs in the sky. This has been a deep-seeded part of human history since the prehistoric times. The theme and structure are solid. There's a flow and direction of thought from beginning to end. I can understand where KaGy is coming from in wanting to have a more climactic ending, but I also see the value in leaving things a little more open like you did, kind of leaving the reader to think, "So what might happen next?" Sometimes, like with a great cliff-hanger, you don't need to leave things wrapped up all tight and neat... I'd have to concur with the general reaction that the ironic line just doesn't fit. Everything else has a bit of an ancient vibe to it, and then the modernistic task of ironing seems to be a 180. I think your plan to incorporate the attitude of routine business is good, but maybe use something a little more "time-friendly" that matches a little closer to the "ear of thinking" in the rest of the lyrics. I also think KaGy was right on as far as verse 2 not "offering anything new." What you have here would be better served as a bridge, since it's more of a supporting/transitional thought. But on the whole, I'd give this 1.99 thumbs up!
  2. Grasping For The Wind

    LOVED the lyrics. Very reminiscent of the words found in the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes. "Works" fits very nicely in verse 1, I think.
  3. The Last Goodbye

    I took the 7-line segment as a bridge in composition, although lyrically, it isn't really building across anything in particular, but it does read as an introspective moment of what had taken place/been expressed in the verses. I also concur with the line in the chorus about "buying her." I understand what you're trying to get at, but it's too easy to misconstrue; a bit standoff-ish. This piece does a brilliant job at expressing the pain and surprise of a relationship grown cold. Great ideas in here.
  4. Open Letters

    I don't get thrown off by the slight change in rhyme scheme from verse to verse, so long as there's a constant, and your mitre stays true throughout. I think it adds a positively unique quallity. You also have a very nice flow from beginning to end in your thought expressions and mood. To me, the chorus appears a bit clunky; it's a whole lot of stuff to digest in 4 lines. I think you could make them a lot more concise by shortening them and cutting off the extra visuals. Just as a "for example:" I write you letters but never send them out My mind can't express what it's all about You'd never listen, but I don't know better Than to scorn you through open letters I'm not necessarily suggesting this, but am just using this as a highlight of paring down the wording and nailing down a core idea. You seem to have done that in the verses, but since the chorus is the centerpiece of a lyric, the verses should either revolve around it or move directly to it... Just my 2 cents worth...
  5. If our music doesn't say anything worth-while, it's probably just noise.

  6. Blue-Eyed Piece Of Heaven

    Well, I read this over a couple of times, and the chorus works well, I think. Really develops the visual of a hottie who will walk all over you... The general idea in your verses is sound, but that ABCA rhyme scheme just appears a touch clunky to me. I'm all for thinking outside the box and doing something new and progressive-- in fact, I regularly wage that war with mediocrity myself-- but if you're shooting for a jazz format, it really needs a stronger, tighter, more simplified scheme, like a traditional ABAB or ABBA. Jazz, while full of wonderful complexities/improvisations in the musical arrangements, relies on very plain lyrics which are extremely tight and run together well.
  7. #28 Bell Jar

    James, I was immediately drawn to this by title alone, as "The Bell Jar" by Plath was one of the most intriguing reads I've ever encountered. "Head in the oven, half-baked heart"-- MAN, was that clever. Dark, but clever! When I originally read the book, I didn't consider her so much angry as hurt. But obviously, bitterness drew her farther and farther away from any sort of hopeful, positive outlook, and so your line was a good observation: her rage kept her locked up in that bell jar! 2 thumbs up from me!
  8. Lyrics (Collaborative) By G.wilson

    WIND OF THE SPIRIT (written to the instrumental of the same name by Visual Cliff from the album "Into the After") (verse 1) Temple built/for His great Name Gathered here/ the sick, blind and lame Glorious stones/We took such pride in what we made... (verse 2) In ancient days/we sought His Face A solace/found in this place Now forgotten/All like sheep we went our way (gone astray) A path less-trodden/ Fields so green, but grasses fade (fade away) (coda 1) Eyes search/Roam to-and-fro Finding/Our hearts grown cold (bridge 1) Out of the East, the Wind of the Spirit Whispering low, it blows through our home-land Only a few will listen to hear it Our lives continue just as we planned Patiently He's calling/He waits for us so long The lines are getting blurred... between right and wrong (bridge 2) Prophets now breathing the Wind of the Spirit Judgment will come-- a day we will dread We mock and we kill them, we didn't fear it Sin upon sin heaped over our heads Distinction being made/The common from the holy The haughty He opposes but extends grace to the lowly (verse 3) Defiant/to our last breath Seeds of sin/give birth to death Tortured souls cry/What happened to the One we know Shekinah Glory/It departed long ago... So long ago... Where did He go?... (coda 2) Is it too late? I'm on my knees Begging God/Forgive me please Forgive me... lyrics by G. Wilson, printed by permission music by Rob Perez, © 2007
  9. I Need A Little Grace

    Nice concise piece. Very tight, very well structured. Captures the moment of frustration, sorrow, etc. that we all feel from time to time. Often times, I agree that the moment, the feeling can be the central focus of the song/lyric. However, in this case, it reads much like an open-ended story. Is grace found? Is there a glimmer of hope that peace and grace is just ahead? In the case of your piece, I think it needs a touch of resolve, or at least a bit of a lift which provides for a view beyond the moment. Just my take on it, though.
  10. Janey Russell

    I liked the lyric well enough, as it was very well-written, but I am more intrigued by the idea of the "horribly disfigured root chord." Audio, please!
  11. Devils' Grip

    EXCELLENT storyline/scene development. "Broken promises are in my veins:" That line should win some sort of award. (Not sure which kind, but point is, that's an iron-clad line!) It isn't hard to see your friend's tragic situation had a profound affect on you, and you communicated those feelings very well. Two concerns I had with this one: the syllable structure gets a little thrown off in verse 1 by line 3. You might want to consider simplifying the line to "My pride and dignity are hanging by a thread." The other is with the repeated use of the word "grip." If you read this out loud or try to sing it to a vague melody, it can become quite the tongue-twister, very hard to articulate and/or vocally interpret. Maybe it would be an idea to break out a thesaurus and replace some occurrences of grip with "clutch," "grasp," "embrace," "hold," etc...
  12. Republican Jesus

    Toney, I can't find any reason why anyone would even consider banning you for a lyric like this. Yes, it's very politically charged, but it's not like you're slandering a particular person. You've got a strong opinion, but it's not "offensive." (If anyone else IS offended, please take some Prep H for your butthurt!) I personally disagreed with a few ideas, but I wasn't "angered" by it. Everyone thinks differently, and most have a REASON they feel the way they do... As Mike eloquently stated, it just needs retitling and tweaking. If you can't speak what's on your heart in a forum like this, well, that's pretty sad.
  13. Republican Jesus

    Interesting construct and use of alternating rhyme schemes. Unfortunately, I just can't get past the title, because while it's clear where your allegiances with political party lies, it's not really incorporated in the lyric. And while political ideals have been the subject of many a song, I feel this viewpoint is just too jaded and too adversarial to attract listeners, even hard-line Democrats! (BTW, I am a registered Independent who think that BOTH parties are too corrupted and influenced by money and special interest groups to effectively lead the country, so I'm not just responding as some Conservative dude.)
  14. First Time Posting Here. Some Orchestral Music

    Yacob, I ended up listening to the revised clip, and really didn't bother trying to "analyze" it; I just kind of closed myself in with it and "felt" it. Very powerful. It is very reminiscent with a lot of other works I've heard as of late from European Neo-classical composers. Maybe later I'll give it another listen to it and give you some feedback.