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Leo

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Everything posted by Leo

  1. Hey, Here are some lyrics to a new song I'm working on. Your critique is mostly appreciated , thanks, Repetition Try, it’s better when the sun turns off and, Hides, the imperfections tells me it is, Fine, to spit out all those li-ttle lies, Sound, of heartbeat pumping through my veins that, Drowns, the intentions that I had for what a, Clown, what have you done now, I think I see a chance, Avoiding my request, To join me in a dance for two, So bright it hurts the eyes, I’m sick cause I know why, It is I’m losing out on you, Lines, that play out in my deeply worried, Mind, to never miss a beat as you step, Out, to those vultures circling, above, Part, of every thing I feel there is a, doubt, if any of it’s real right from the, Start, of ever being me, I think I see a chance, Avoiding my request, To join me in a dance for two, So bright it hurts the eyes, I’m sick cause I know why, It is that I am losing you,
  2. Point taken, I'll try it out.
  3. Hey Jen, Thanks for the comments. I will try your singing notes, they sound spot on. Not sure about the "I know I'm losing you". just because there is a 'know' in the previous line. I will give that all segment some thought. I play a slightly out of harmony chord in the chorus. It's intentional, but I would love to get more opinions on weather that works there..... or not. Thanks again,
  4. Change of title, some lyrics and a new Demo (early stage). all comments are appreciated. https://soundcloud.com/leosherman/losing-out-on-you Losing out on you Try, it’s better when the sun turns off and, Hides, the imperfections tells me that its, Fine, to spit-out all those li-ttle lies, Sound, of heartbeat pumping through my veins that, Drowns, the intentions that I had for what a, Clown, what have you done now, I think I see a chance, Avoiding my request, To join me in a dance for two, So bright it hurts the eyes, Feel sick cause I know why, It is I’m losing out on you, Lines, that play out in my deeply worried, Mind, to never miss a beat as you step, Up, to those vultures circling, above, At heart, of everything I write there is a, doubt, if any of it’s real right from the, Start, of ever being here, I think I see a chance, Avoiding my request, To join me in a dance for two, So bright it hurts the eyes, Feel sick cause I know why, It is I’m losing out on you,
  5. Rose Tinted Glasses

    Hey Sreyashi, Cool lyrics, I like the story line of an optimistic being challenged by real life. If I interpret it correctly?... I have some lyrics idea's that might work, 'Glasses' can be a play between different nicknames for glasses: Specs, shades, monocle, goggles. maybe changing just some of the word appearances. For me it works better with changing it a bit to: Lips strawberry flavour, Fingertips of cherry gum, Stickiness holds you together, until you hit the tarmac ground, And I thought repeating the line "rose tinted glasses" in the end of the song will close a nice loop. Thank you,
  6. Wrong People

    Hey folks, All comments appreciated, demo will follow soonish. Wrong People Wrong people for this, We should expect the least amount of dignity, of being free, Pretty pictures you see, They never show what really happens underneath, Just big white teeth, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, The ‘cynical’ is off, goodbye, Wrong people for this, We should expect to see an end to poverty, to inequality, Look out to the streets, It’s fair to say we surely had enough of this, Hypocrisy, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, The ‘cynical’ is free, good bye, Wrong people for this, We should expect the least amount of dignity,
  7. Wrong People

    Revised lyrics, Thanks @Ray888 It’s all a joke to me Wrong people to lead, We should expect the least amount of dignity, of decency, Pretty pictures you see, They never show what really happens underneath, Just pearl white teeth, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, Just not the laughing kind, Wrong people to lead, So don’t expect to see an end to poverty, to inequality, Look out to the streets, It’s fair to say we surely had enough of this, Hypocrisy, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, Just not the laughing kind, Wrong people to lead, So don’t expect their hearts to know of dignity, of decency.
  8. Wrong People

    Thanks Ray, I like the title suggested, and most of your lyrical advice. I'm not sure about, the repetition feels weird to me. I will incorporate most of the other suggestions, one way or another. I especially like the 'Pearl' addition and lying through their teeth going back to the same metaphor. Thank you,
  9. Mr. Fox

    Hey Jenn, What a beautiful song, love it. And what a cool sound you have got. The one thing I can say is that in the middle of each verse: And sounds like your'e rushing it. perhaps changing those words a bit would make them flow a little better. maybe less words in that line?? Thanks
  10. Wrong People

    Thanks Phil, I agree, but i'm not sure how to implement that into this song without changing it completely.
  11. Wrong People

    Thanks John, I love 'One more parade'. And I'll listen further.
  12. Wrong People

    Hey new version: Wrong People Wrong people to lead, We should expect the least amount of dignity, some decency, Pretty pictures we see, They never show what really happens underneath, Just big white teeth, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, Just not the laughing kind, Wrong people to lead, We should expect to see an end to poverty, to inequality, Look out to the streets, It’s fair to say we surely had enough of this, Hypocrisy, And all the reasons to, eat and drink for two, When right in front of you, They’re lying can’t you see, it’s all a joke to me, Just not the laughing kind, Wrong people to lead, We should expect the least amount of dignity, some decency,
  13. The Cheese Song

    It's funny cause it's true. Good work mate. And a good cheese to you.
  14. Wrong People

    Hey John, Thanks for the introduction to Phil Ochs. He does sound like an exceptional folk artist. I think, as your comments suggest, my song is much more general. Perhaps describing a feeling, rather then discussing a specific political arena (My familiarity with Phil works is limited). I think to answer all the questions in your comments will result in an all other song. Thanks for your time and comments.
  15. Wrong People

    Hey Sreyashi, Thanks again for your comments, 1. I agree and have changed it for the next version. 2. I meant to say that at some point even the cynic part of us is fed up. I tried playing with that sentence a bit, cause it didn't really work for me either. I think i found a better option. also in the next version. 3. Also, spot on. I changed it. Thanks again for your time and brilliant comments.
  16. Wrong People

    Now comes with a four-track demo, https://soundcloud.com/leosherman/wrong-people
  17. Got to

    Hey again, thank you for your critique. Got to Got to, got to get right, Got to, got to get right, Got to get to you, To help me pull through, Breath in, to block it all out, Breath in, to end this long drought, Do not to freak out, Breathe in and shout, Yeah, Drink this, to drown in the night, One more to, vanish your doubt, Out comes the clues, I don’t remember those shoes, Yeah, Got to, got to get right, Got to, got to get right, Got to get to you, To help me pull through,
  18. Can I get some help?

    Hey Sreyashi, Good questions. 1. For me it's a melody that comes to mind or arises from playing random stuff on a guitar . 2. Lyrically I like Cat stevens, Joni Mitchell, Simon and Garfunkel, The Band, also Beck and the smith. Personally I would sing what feels right G'day
  19. Lord

    Hey arty, What a beautiful song, reminded me of Nina Simone and Johnny Cash. A dark prison blues. A couple of suggestions, if I may, I think the last line of the chorus can say more than repeating the first two lines, maybe "Lord have mercy, on my sinful soul". I would consider replacing the 'about' with an 'of' I also thought of connecting it to chorus with "Lord it's scary not to know" (just a thought) Thank you,
  20. She Moves Me. By John Craig

    Hey John, I really enjoyed your song, I like the flow, and the imagery. it reads like how you feel when you're in-love 'head over feet'. The only line that held up the flow, for me was: It kind of threw me off when ever I read it. Thanks
  21. Tiger Balm

    Hey folks, Thanks for your critique. Temporary name - song is not about tiger balm... Tiger Balm Calling all stations to gather your man and tell them to prepare for the worse, The enemy's coming he knows where we're hiding our lines have already been crossed, Our lines have already been crossed, Take this dear minute, reflect on your choices, forgive everyone you have known, You will all be heroes, when this is over, we'll say that you bravely fought, We'll say that you bravely fought, Now pick up a shovel, a stick or a stone, and stand up for the cause that remain, For our faith has been handed but our minds are still free to act out the right scene till the end, Act out the right scene till the end, act out the right scene till the end, https://soundcloud.com/leosherman/tiger-balm
  22. Tiger Balm

    I'm happy and sad to read that. I'm sappy. Thanks, I apologize for my humor.
  23. Tiger Balm

    Thanks mate, Mike said...
  24. Tiger Balm

    Hey again, A new demo recording including the additional verse, and some more minor adjustments to the lyrics. Thank you all for your contribution. Pep talk Calling all stations to gather your men, and tell them to prepare for the worst, the enemy's coming, he knows where we're hiding, our lines have already been crossed, our lines have already been crossed, Take this dear minute, reflect on your choices, forgive everyone you have known, you will all be heroes, when this is over, we'll say you courageously fought, we'll say you courageously fought, Now pick up a shovel, a stick or a stone, and stand for the cause that remains, our faith has been handed, but our minds are free, to act out our ideals till the end, act out our ideals till the end, Over the wire, an ocean away, a telegraph boy taps his hand, the words he is pumping, were ‘here by’ dictated, by men who have gone home to bed, by men who have gone home to bed,
  25. Tiger Balm

    Revised lyrics. 18/6/17 Pep talk Calling all stations to gather your men and tell them to prepare for the worst, The enemy's coming he knows where we're hiding our lines have already been crossed, Our lines have already been crossed, Take this dear minute reflect on your choices forgive everyone you have known, You will be heroes when this is over we'll say you courageously fought, We'll say you courageously fought, Now pick up a shovel, a stick or a stone, and stand for the cause that remains, Our faith has been handed but our minds are free to act out our scene till the end, To act out our scene till the end, act out our scene till the end, Over the wire an ocean away a telegram boy moves his hands, The words he is pumping were ‘here by’ dictated by men who have gone home to bed, By men who have gone home to bed,
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