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iamwhoiam1970

Active Members
  • Content count

    175
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iamwhoiam1970 last won the day on February 25 2014

iamwhoiam1970 had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

26 Good

5 Followers

About iamwhoiam1970

  • Rank
    Noobiest Nooblet
  • Birthday 05/13/1970

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Play piano/keyboards. I love to write music, and I sort of sing :P
  • Musical Influences
    Dan Fogelberg, Don Henley, Collin Raye

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All
    Give It To Me Both Barrels
  1. lol @ symphonious...refreshing critique! Yo Vag, I THINK it might work, but I MIGHT, not for sure, but MIGHT need to rearrange the words a little in your addon if you don't mind, so we keep the "addicted to broken hearts" line the primary focus. Here in a day or 2, I'll send you a rough draft, and we'll go from there, eh? Til then, keep writing, and gaming and musicing...if that's a word!
  2. Heya V. I was wondering if you could muster up another line or 2 for the chorus? o.O For the music I have, it begs for the chorus to be repeated 2x...which would mean more lyrics. I know, I know...how DARE I ask that of you Something like this, if it's at all possible: "Chorus: I'm addicted to broken hearts The pain, the tears, the scars The sound when it shatters The moment everything falls apart I'm addicted to broken hearts -------------------------------------- -------------------------------------- --------------------------------------" So, I was thinking, the 2nd time through the chorus, leave the first line there "I'm addicted to broken hearts"...then see if you can conjure up some new words for the following 3 lines. If not, that's ok...but I sure hope you can! And soon, I'll send you my idea, but I wanted to see if you could do this first, so I could put it in there. Hope you're having a great weekend! ~Eddy
  3. Yay! I'll get to work recording it tomorrow, and you're very welcome...was my pleasure to read it
  4. I really love this lyric. Great job I was wondering, do you have music to it? And if not, mind if I show you what melody came to my mind when I read it? If you don't like it, simply say "i don't like it" and there'll be no ill feelings at all I simply really love this, and I believe(doesn't mean I'm right lol) my melody/idea for music really fits it. Whatever you decide, best wishes and keep up the great work! ~Eddy
  5. I listened to the 3 songs you posted...great stuff. My favorite is the first one...Easy Song. I love your phrasing and the harmonics...and the overall sound you have on it...great job on that! Well, great job on all of them, Easy Song just happens to be my favorite. You have the slow song, "Short but Simple". It's good too, but I know you've got MORE in you. You can make it better:) Not sure if you've heard of Dan Huff or not, but he used to be in a Heavy Metal group named "Giant"(most popular song I'm aware of was "I'll See You in my Dreams"). Anway, he's a phenomenal guitarist. Their band broke up, he became a studio guitar player, can hear him play on anything from country(Reba McEntire) to rock songs...anyway, here's him, playing just an instrumental he wrote, called "to be forgotten"...thought you'd enjoy, and might give you a couple ideas on when you make an instrumental, as to how creative you can truly be. It's YOUR song, pan it how you wish(like he does, he goes from left to right at will, not cuz anyone said it's right or wrong, simply because it's what he wanted to do). And again, great stuff you've got
  6. Is it just me? I played your vid, I can see the 'virtual' eq thingies moving up and down, I adjusted the volume, muted, un-muted, but can't hear anything. I played another youtube vid and can hear that one just fine. I pressed "refresh" to reload your song, and same thing, I can't hear anything
  7. *I agree, bass too thick, or muddy even. *Elec guitar a lil muffled to me *Drums sound pretty good, can hear all parts. *Strings a lil 'tinny' or 'thin *are elec guitars in the middle? I'd pan them, cuz hard to hear when vocal is there *those toms, are TOO present, to me, they're NOT the most important part of the song, yet, I can hear them better than anything. *"You remind me to see" with the 'choir' background, this part sounds pretty good *Overall, to my ears, I don't hear the elec guitar hardly at all, unless I REALLY listen for it *those tom fills or whatever drums they are, that play the same thing over and over in that musical interlude, they really stand out *Overall, if you had NOT asked for opinions on the mix, I still would have heard those "toms" and the electric guitar not being present enough. Other than that, if I were listening, just to listen, everything else seems great
  8. How could it sound WAY too much like Rush? If you weren't inspired by them, and you came up with it on your own, keep it! lol (unless it's a downright copy of a melody). Nothing wrong with being compared to someone. To me, that would be a great thing. Not sure, as I listen, if you've already changed it, but if you have, I can still hear "rush" in it. But that's not bad! THEY DID NOT WRITE THIS, you did Everyone's influenced by someone. If you'd have been born before they were, they might've been inspired by you...do not look at it negatively
  9. I agree with Hobo on lyrics for only 45 seconds of a 3 minute song. The lyrics AND the melody you have for them, as they stand, are strong, and the melody is super catchy. I'd use that for the main chorus. Don't need a whole lot more lyrics. 1 short verse, then the lyrics you have now for the first chorus. Another short verse, then again, the lyrics you have now for the 2nd chorus. I have no problems with instrumentals, but aside from the marimba or xylophone playing what to me, seems like a "secondary melody" or a mini-melody (something more fit for a response to a main melody), there's no melody for the most part of the song. It's just a chord progression, which, is a solid one, but that's all it is to me. No melody to move it along, build tension, create emotion etc. If you really do NOT want to add any more lyrics, my suggestion would be, at least create a melody with some instrument, otherwise it seems "empty" and boring. That's not meant to be insulting. Any famous song, if only the background instrumentation was played, with no melody, would be empty and boring too. Anway, as I said, I LOVE the melody you have on the lyrics so far, and it would be perfect for a chorus that repeats. Or, here's an idea that came to me. Start the song out as it is now....after you sing your lyrics...Instrumental(need some catchy melody/solo though)... Then, after 8,16, or 24 bars of the instrumental, bring the vocals back in...then another instrumental(with a melody , for another 8,16, or 24 bars...then, a key change, vocals again...then can fade out with whatever you want...inst/solo, or the vocals repeating. Again though, this is all my opinion, doesn't mean I'm right And I'll say it again...i LOVE the melody you have for the lyrics right now, super catchy, great job, and thanks for sharing
  10. *nice chords so far *voice seems to be more in the right speaker, makes it kind of hard to distinguish at times. *melody is great though... *love this line "...As the moon will hide the sun..." and this one "...turnout is expected low..." and this one "...dance in the absence of light..." and this one "...when the sun rises the curtain will fall..." and all these ones... "...From his hideout in the glade A ghost is watching lovers play And singing a song for himself A song about the jealousy A ghost will feel on nights like this He can’t bear to watch anymore And as the dew forms on the grass He sneaks away he lets it pass And the sun rises in the east Two lovers still lie in the field Tangled in each other’s dreams They're dreaming of a nocturnal play..." *all the lyrics are great, love the whole idea of this song, those above are my fav lines though. *since it repeats so much, thing a key change would really help, if it were me, I'd put it right before "from his hideout in the glade"... that way, since it switches focus to the "ghost" the music would give the impression it's about something different too, if a key change ocurred before this(in my opinion anyway). Everything is tight though, nothing out of place at all. Gives an eerie, mystic feeling which is perfect for the lyrics. Great job Iron! I'll listen to this one quite a few more times, I'm sure of that...thanks for sharing!
  11. I never realized you were so young...I had critiqued your "Not Dead", and thought you were much older! Anyway...great job, all the way around. This seems as though it would be hard to do. If I had a suggestion, I'd only suggest 2 things. 1. On the bass a cappella voice, take out of of the treble(use a Low Pass EQ), that'll help your lead vocal stand out more clearly. 2. Same thing, the bass a cappella part, on the 2nd verse, I think it would be cool if you could add a harmony line in sync w/the bass line(a higher harmony of course). Not sure if that would conflict with the melody of lead vocal, but if you could come up with a harmony that fit, I think it would sound awesome. Those 2 things aside...great job all the way around! Was fun to watch too, keep up the great work!
  12. listening as I critique)...so whatever I say, is 'first thoughts' and/or spontaneous, with no time to think about what I'm hearing "P I'm simply letting you know what I do/don't like, as I hear it(doesn't mean you're wrong, or I'm right, simply an opinion, in real time ). *I usually don't critique mixes, just the songs, but the the drums are too loud...makes it hard to hear the instruments/vocals...just a heads up! *verse lyrics look a little short...but you spread them out nicely! *you've a nice range on your voice *Chorus starts strong....oh....have you tried singing "looking for someone " with the same melody as "Waiting for something? That's what my ears wanted to hear anyway. *I'd put "baby" in front of "I don't hear, what you fear" so you can keep those 2 lines rhyming *That melody on "waiting for something, waiting for me" is real catchy, and sticks in my head, great job on that! *on the last line of the chorus, "just to find you", it sounds a little forced, or just phrased wrong. I'd try a few different ways to sing it to smooth it out. Overall though, great job you 2...was really nice to listen to, thanks for sharing:)
  13. This song was posted before I joined this forum so I just now found it I really have nothing to critique...great message, great music/melody/structure, great vocals. VERY nice song to listen to, glad I found it
  14. listening as I critique)...so whatever I say, is 'first thoughts' and/or spontaneous, with no time to think about what I'm hearing "P I'm simply letting you know what I do/don't like, as I hear it(doesn't mean you're wrong, or I'm right, simply an opinion, in real time ). *beginning is cool...kinda a different guitar sound *oh, that's cool how it kicks in *love the sound on the electric...sweet lil riffs there too *bass is cool too! *tension...annnnnnnnd? release...nice! *oh, that's a cool groove...can definitely hear a verse being sung here. *at about 1:06, i'm kind of lost...it sounds a touch confusing to me...is this supposed to be where the chorus would go? everything up to this point fit, maybe it's just the drums being too busy or something. It's hard to picture without vocals(this section)...the intro, verse section were great though, I loved them. Kinda hard to critique song w/no melodies, but I tried! Great start, and if that section fits when vocals are added, then ignore what I said