A Treatise On Abraham Lincoln, The Noted North American Biped Of Yesteryear.
Entry posted by Rudi
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A lifelong omnivore, Abraham Lincoln fed on cows, chickens, fish and pigs for protein, and on grains, pulses and vegetables for fibre and starch.
Abraham was lucky in that he didn’t have to catch and kill any meat. He lived in a society where it was normal to confine animals and vegetables within fences. The animals were frequently segregated from the vegetables to ensure the former did not consume the later. This arrangement also made the animals far easier to catch than wandering about the wilderness hoping to discover them by luck. So even at an advanced age, Abraham Lincoln was still able to eat as much as he did when he was younger and more sprightly.
Both the vegetables and the livestock he consumed were encouraged to grow by accomplices who preferred to spend their time doing that sort of thing. All these life forms encouraged to grow and prosper were deceived. Lulled into a false sense of security, they would all eventually be betrayed and consumed (though not all by Abraham Lincoln). This was just as well, as Abraham had an aversion to killing. The aversion was confined to animals however. Vegetables he could despatch in a quite nonchalant fashion.
Abraham became uncommonly influential over a large majority of fellow North American bipeds. Those that dwelt furthest north embraced this influence, whilst those that preferred to remain in the south of the north resented it profoundly.
Beginning in 1843, Abraham Lincoln cooperated with Mary Todd and sired four male progeny. This took ten years to accomplish.
At his end, Abraham was also lulled into a false sense of security, and was despatched in a theatre while watching actors pretending not to be themselves. He was too astute to be fooled by this, but pretended to himself that he didn’t know they were pretending. He probably was unaware though that it was an actor who killed him. Theatres attract many actors. The assassin originally planned to merely steal Abraham Lincoln, but changed his mind after growing angrier. Unfortunately for Abraham, the assassinating actor wasn’t pretending at that precise time.
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