Skin

Hi John Thanks for the read and comments, I hear this rock sort of growly if you know what I mean. The line you mention was meant to follow the religious trend of the lyric and how the religious people blame the music for me straying outside the fold, you know devils music hahahaha (evil laugh) but yes there possibly could be a better line and using sinned again to me would not be a big issue. im. Having some trouble getting the bridge right, and ive still got to slot a number in there the obvious being 666 not sure yet which version of what i have i will finish. Thanks for the read Les

Ok I got to admit this is a toughie! Looks easy! sounds easy! but it aint easy! This is the stage I have got too thus far, I have a few various lines that relate to the posted ones. Now the idea I have for the bridge follows the path of the religous people of the world condeming RnR with that in mind I hope the 3rd verse will flow on from the bridge once done. Bridge not completed yet. The other thing is in the last verse i rhyme 1st n 3rd lines but not n the previous verses. Any thoughts people? In The Name Of Rock n Roll V Forgive me father I have sinned Now the Devil owns my soul They tell me I will go to Hell In the name of Rock n Roll V Blackened heart twisted mind I've strayed outside the fold Knows not what he does they cry In the name of Rock n Roll V Too late now for redemption The bell of my master tolls I've chosen my own damnation In the name of Rock n Roll

Hi Karanis Ive tried but I cant turn what you have into anything with a refrain using any line in the verse! sorry bro but I think you may need to start afresh? good luck Les

You and me both bro! Always learning bits n bobs. Yeah my post was more on the refrain as part of the challenge not the rhyme. Les

I'm doing a teek here and posting a part of and idea for this challenge and I have a question for anyone. Does it make any sense? V1 Forgive me father for I have sinned And the Devil has my soul They tell me I will go to Hell In the name of Rock n Roll V2 Blackened heart and twisted mind I have strayed outside the fold Know not what he does they cry In the name of Rock n Roll It could be that by me asking this question I have already answered it? I think I need some sleep lol! Cheers Les

Just a quick observation teek you have ambition/musician as your rhyme in v1 and so if you are going to use "he's just a musician" as your refrain line then you need to change 2nd line v2 if your going to match rhyme scheme? Les

Hi JH Thanks for the read and nice comments. It was good to work with Timbre on this enjoyed the exchange of ideas. Your idea could possibly work as i have heard route pronounced as the same rhyme as about. Cheers Les

Hi David Thanks for the read and comments and I like the idea of the pre chorus works for me. I agree it is a little vague so I will try as you and JH have mentioned of getting the story line in there. Sounds simple some of this but to get it reasonable even is not that easy don't you agree? Bloody John and his challenges! Love it thanks John lol! Cheers Les

Hi T thanks again for your ideas and thoughts, with verses They could be combined and yes I also thought that last 2 should ryhme but haven't found the right words yet. I like your idea of he came back for her not wanting to leave her alone, wondered if I could incorporate that some how but keep some of the original idea of the chorus? I will work on it. Lets see where it goes and I will post any new stuff. Cheers Les

Hi JH thanks for your comments and I have been mulling over Timbre and Hobo's as well. Im getting ideas from all the comments and making the story a little more identifiable as too what the situation is of the character but struggling a little to not make it sound corny! one thought was a a pre chorus as David suggested referencing to doctors? I felt your presence every day I heard all the doctors had to say I also heard you pray something in that vein but not sure I like it? i really want to keep a deep personal connection between the characters and that's making it harder to come up with something as David said artistic and not corny by mentioning all the hospital stuff, a toughie for me but all your ideas are noted. cheers and I'm like you need to catch up on commenting but sometimes I don't have the right words to say so I don't say anything. Les

Thanks guys i will read over your comments fully tonight but seems like some good ideas. Cheers Les

Just for fun. A Tale About Ernest They said Ernest was a loser They never said it to his face Ernest was a giant of a man A freak of the human race They never said it to his face They said Ernest was no good They never said it to his face Always whispers behind his back And never in good taste They never said it to his face They said Ernest was a butt ole They never said to his face Made jokes at his expense Making fun of his dental brace They never said it to his face Well Ernest was none of the above His heart was filled with love He found a girl that saw past his shell So all those dickheads can go to hell

Blimey my brain hurts lol! Well I've tried again, and still working on the other one. I hope I'm on the right track for this one although it might not seem so without an idea of the story for this. Still young but thought I would post, chorus not all together there yet but I will work on it. Nor the bridge. Im away for a couple of days but will have my iPad and will try to comment on other posts ASAP. The story is of a man in a coma and his wife/partner is with him 24/7 he can feel her he can hear her but cannot show it, then he wakes up. Does it make sense? Here goes and I hope you enjoy the read. You Alone V Holding my hand I felt your love Though I couldn't tell you V Your gentle kiss Stirred my soul I so wanted too hold you C I could feel your presence everyday I don't know how long I've been away There's one thing I have to say You alone-pulled me through You alone-kept me alive You gave me the will to survive V Your soothing voice Gave me peace In my darkest moments V When your tears Touched my cheek I cried deep down inside C I could feel your presence everyday I don't know how long I've been away There's one thing I have to say You alone-pulled me through You alone-kept me alive You gave me the will to survive B. This needs work and I will adjust it soon as I can. When I opened my eyes You were there My vision was blurred But I knew it was you C I could feel your presence everyday I don't know how long I've been away There's one thing I have to say You alone-pulled me through You alone-kept me alive You gave me the will to survive

Brill is my only comment! Would love to hear this as you do so please record it, NOW lol! Oh and post. Les

Hi guys Well this is my effort thus far, I got the 1st idea pretty much off the bat but then sort of lost inspiration for a while. Its a dance anthem so not to deep. I think the bridge is a bit weak at the moment but I will look into that. Hope you enjoy the read and think ministry of sound, dave pierce sort of mix! Cheers Les Break The Glass Whoa o o oo Whoa o o oo Whoa o o oo Come on every body Whoa o o oo Whoa o o oo Whoa o o oo…(crowd singing) V Get off your ass Lets get moving Shake that body Lets get grooving Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Come on every body Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o…(crowd singing) C Break the glass Break the glass Break the glass Break the glass Free your mind Free your, your, your, your, your...this is sort of an echo to fade if that makes sense. Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Come on every body Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o…(crowd singing) V Feel the rhythm Feel the beat Move ya body Move ya feet Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Come on every body Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o Whoa o o o o…(crowd singing) Break the glass Break the glass Free your mind Free your, your, your, your, your B (i dont like this bridge i will change it asap) Live for now forget tomorrow Love for now no time to borrow C Break the glass Break the glass Break the glass Break the glass Free your mind Free your, your, your, your, your

Im a bit betwix n between at the moment? got a couple of ideas but they seem to have fizzled out at the moment. I will post when got a complete lyric?????? if that happens.

Hi John I will have a crack at this one, John is the Beyoncé song which I had never heard before but liked a good example of an evolving chorus which was part of the last challenge? I will post as soon as something comes together and I hope I'm not the only one, I get lonely ya know lol! Cheers bro and I hope you are well. Les

Heres the so far revised draft, the edits are in red of course lol! any thoughts appreciated. It needs more tinkering with as the more i read the more other ideas pop up but 1 step at a time! I went with uneven verse to contrast the chorus so i hope that works. I swapped caving with slaving to support the bridge? does it make sense? cheers Les V She’s got to go I've had enough She’s not worth my time Just when I need her She’s not there for me PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving She’s got me craving C She looks so sweet Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red) I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright) I want to be in her tonight V She’s a beauty But too much trouble She’s always letting me down Sometimes I curse The day we ever met PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving She’s got me caving….edit (was She’s got me slaving ) C She looks so sweet Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red) I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright) I want to be in her tonight B Dam car, I love her Even though I cuss….edit ( was curse but used that earlier) I'll never let her go PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving She’s got me slaving…..edit (was Now I'm caving) C She looks so sweet Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red) I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright) I want to be in her tonight C She looks so sweet She’s got me slaving …edit (was Done up in red) I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright) I want to be in her tonight

Hi Sgt we are all around the bend sometimes lol! i will change gleaming to shining and drop the so. i went with subtle change in the pre C to evolve it as per the list at the end of the post John made but in the post it does say chorus? Not sure how to do that yet with this but I will ponder and see if I can come up with an idea. Rock possibly is the way but man I can't play or sing to good so although I have a melody in my head I'm not sure I could pull it off but I might have a go. i also thought of swapping caving with slaving as the bridge supports him wanting to keep her and slaving would be him say working to pay for her or slaving over her in repairs? Any thoughts? thanks for the reply and comments I thought I might be alone in this lol! good luck Les

Hi john Heres a draft of something just written for this challenge, I am not sure if the elements are quite right so thats why I'm posting early on with what i have so far. there is some innuendo in the chorus and the twist really is in the bridge so I'm not sure if thats ok? Anyway glad you are still doing these challenges although I've been a bit lacking in drive lately to write or at least complete a lyric, lots of ideas but nothing being finished. Cheers Les Misbehaving (title in progress) V She’s got to go I've had enough She’s not worth my time Just when I need her She’s not there for me PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving She’s got me craving C She looks so sweet Done up in red I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes So gleaming and bright I want to be in her tonight V She’s a beauty But too much trouble She’s always letting me down Sometimes I curse The day we ever met PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving She’s got me slaving C She looks so sweet Done up in red I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes So gleaming and bright I want to be in her tonight B Dam car, I love her Even though I curse Ill never let her go PC I'm not sure how much more I can take Of her misbehaving Now I'm caving C She looks so sweet Done up in red I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes So gleaming and bright I want to be in her tonight C She looks so sweet Done up in red I want to take her to bed Those love me eyes So gleaming and bright I want to be in her tonight

I missed this completely! Following now though. Loved the challenges. Glad you are setting them again John. Cheers Les

Didn't see this, will try something if I can, a bit lost for words lately so his might be a kick in the pants needed to start up something. Les

Bugger off Aussie! Lol! Good to see you still pop in now n again.