[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

1 hour ago, john said:

 

Absolutely you can.. I’d be interested to see it.

I’ll have to figure out how to send it.  Tried to copy and paste from my photos,  size to big.

[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

Thanks John,  I’m always writing in my head just never seems to get down on paper.

This lyric came as a poem to me after  I did a paint pour on canvas.  It was just after the Canadian news was breaking about the Native Residential schools and the bodies of children being found. 
I don’t know if you’re familiar with paint pouring, but random things can appear.  As mine was drying I could see a little boy standing in a forest with hundreds of little spirit lights in that forest.  I began to write the poem.  I got called away.  my painting had dried and the boy I had seen had vanished.  I stopped writing when I could no longer see him.  I searched the painting for days and weeks, no luck.  I put it away and just brought back out last week.  The lyrics I think were given to me by that little boy.

can I add a photo of the picture?

[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

On 10/18/2014 at 1:28 PM, goldylocks said:

Could that be me? What a nice gesture, and an adorable song! Also a nice tribute to Songstuff!

 

 

Sandy    

Good one

[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

Hey Goldylocks, I like your take on this challenge. It's alway interesting to see what comes out. I all have a full read tonight. Had a fire in the oven yesterday and still cleaning up.

[Challenge #44]

Hi James, thanks for your comments.  I changed the last verse a bit from my original post, don't know if you have seen that yet.  I'm really getting frustrated with my computer, screen keeps rolling and I keep getting lost.  lol

 

Jan 

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

Les, I made the changes where suggested although not exact wording.  Does it fit with the melody you have in mind?  Would love to hear it. 

 

Jan

[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

_V

_{I am just someone with lots of words to say}

_{I write them down in lyric form}

_{Post them anyway, sit and wait}

_{It could take forever, maybe just a day}

_{I know my songstuff buddies}

_{Will tell me what they think}

 

_B

_{Honestly, honesty is what we get from them}

_{Some of our critics are now our songstuff friends}

 

_C

_{Great minds think alike, not trying to pretend}

_{Where our voice may carry}

_{Some without amends}

 

_V

_{Never thought where this could lead}

_{Words written on a page}

_{Someday we hope to hear them on a full set stage}

_{All because of we took a step, became a little brave}

_{Perhaps we’ll hear them one day over air waves}

 

_V

_{Yesterday I heard someone say}

_{We’re gonna take our songstuff away}

_{I could not believe what I just heard, I pray} 

_{Say it isn’t so}

_{If it weren’t for posts on songstuff lord knows}

_{We’d have nowhere to show}

 

_B

_C

 

_{Forever and ever, ever Amen}

[Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)]

I posted my challenge #44 today, but I don't see it here. ? Where did it go, I can only see it under my content page.

[Challenge #44]

V

I am just someone with lots of words to say

I write them down in lyric form

Post them anyway, sit and wait

It could take forever, maybe just a day

I know my songstuff buddies

Will tell me what they think

 

B

Honestly, honesty is what we get from them

Some of our critics are now our songstuff friends

 

C

Great minds think alike, not trying to pretend

Where our voice may carry

Some without amends

 

V

Never thought where this could lead

Words written on a page

Someday we hope to hear them on a full set stage

All because of we took a step, became a little brave

Perhaps we’ll hear them one day over air waves

 

V

Yesterday I heard someone say

We're going to take our songstuff away

I could not believe what I heard, I pray

say it isn't so

If it weren't for posts on songstuff

We'd have no where to show

 

B

C

Forever  and ever, ever Amen

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

Sorry my screen keeps rolling, it must have rolled right past. The stupid screen, I need a new lap top.

Nice job Goldylocks.

Jan

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

Hey Goldy, good job on the edit, my question is have they overcome what it was that caused the breakup and rage? What was the reason for the rage?

Overall I like, might make it tighter with some explanation.

jan

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

Hey Goldylocks good to see you here, I'll add my thoughts later when I have a bit more time.

Jan

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

Thanks James, I like the idea of the chorus duet very much and agree there is still something else needed to bridge the gap.  Thanks for your thoughts, as I try to work it out.  I do like the title though, to me it suggests love will survive, what started out as love, goes through pain,  rallies and is still strong in the end. 

 

Jan

[Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!]

This is what I have for this challenge, sorry I have been away so long.

 

Challenge #43             JD Harris: Because I Fell in Love With You

 

Female vocals:

It used to be just me and you

When we were young and our love new

You promised me, would always be

Right here

No fear

 

Somewhere that all got changed

All messed up, got rearranged

All our dreams turned into rage

We couldn’t turn one more page

To see our dreams come true

 

Where were you

Where were you

 

Male vocals:

So many times I tried to speak

Tell you I was weak

I didn’t mean to hurt you in this way

Could not behave

Not very brave

 

Then in all my mixed up mess

I just lied, did not confess

Thought I’d ignore it, go away

Make it better any way, but

You couldn’t stay

 

It wasn’t you

It wasn’t you

               

Both:

Who’d have thought we’d be here today

Face to face standing in this place

So much time there in between

From what we had, where we went wrong

All our dreams still stand strong

Yet unseen

 

Couldn’t we

Couldn’t we

 

Male:

I remember all that we once had

Remember more good than bad, and

Today I make this pledge I swear to you

I’ll keep you safe with all I do

Honor our love, keep it true

 

I couldn’t live without you one more day

Please stay

What do you say?

Do you feel it too?

 

Female:

I know it’s true, so much has changed

But there’s one thing that still remains

Deep in my heart not rearranged

I feel it too, my love for you

Always true and yes I do

                                                     

Together:

I will always everyday Love you

Finally our dreams are coming true, all

Because I fell in love with you

[Challenge #42 - Taking Part In The Race]

Weekly challenge # 42 Racism,  might be too late but I thought I could use the exercise

 

Not Just Ferguson Missouri    Lyric by JD Harris

V

Prejudice and racism rampant everywhere

We all know better from where it is we came

It’s not just black and white forced to play this game

It’s the color of your skin and the kink in your hair

The kind of clothes you’re seen in

When you go out, you dare

Might not make it home again

Stories fill the air

 

 

C

Seems we’ve forgotten what we learned at home and school

We were taught as children to live by the golden rule

Do unto others as you’d like done to you

Silently, thank your lucky stars that you are you

V

Religion wars and power nothing will suffice

Gawd what have you done Jesus?

Why did you sacrifice?

With all the strife around us

Does it still feel wise?

Didn’t seem to turn out as you had in mind, or thought

We’re not all really nice, some think the devils hot

V

The way we treat each other has really got me down

There’s still too many hungry, young dying all around

What will it take for us to see we’re really all one?

No one is better than any other one

 It’s what they hold deep inside

Too much is buried, unjustified pride

No one will understand if you let truth hide

 

B

No one will find their peace, until racism has died

[Challenge #15 Writing For The Strolling Bones]

Hi John, 

 

Is the poll still open for the Strolling Bones? Do I have to wait 'til the poll is closed before  I can edit Sixty-Nine.  I would like to edit by putting the correct title,  its title should read:  Highway Sixty-Nine.

 

Jan

[Challenge #16 What's The Gist Lyricist?]

First off I will say to Goldie, you got balls!  I mean that in a good way.  Good job on not only your final lyric, but also vocalizing it, nice, very brave.

 

Secondly, once everyone figured out  who was doing who, things progressed well.  I of course don't know much technical stuff, but I tried to offer what little I could. 

 

Finally. even though I did not have much time to contribute to the group this past week I found this challenge to be extremely helpful and enlightening in pointing out my weaknesses, syllable counts, rhyme schemes, critiques etc.  It's all a learning curve for me.

 

Jan

 

 

[Challenge #16 What's The Gist Lyricist?]

Hi John

 

 

What do we do with the final lyric, if anything, by Friday?

 

Jan

[Challenge #16 - Hard As Diamonds]

Hi Donna, sorry it has taken me so long to get back, I've been busy for two days preparing for and then hosting our family Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. 

 

I like what you have done with this lyric and restructured chorus, yes I think it conveys what you originally wanted to say.   

 

But where's the missing verse.  I see Kel is checking with John about this, but I suggest, Have one ready just in case.

 

Nice rewrite.

 

Jan

[Challenge #16 - Playing Games]

Hi Vagda,  sorry I was not able to get back before this.  I spent all Friday and Saturday preparing for our Canadian Thanksgiving family and friends dinner.  We had our gathering Sunday at my home. Today is the actual Thanksgiving holiday day here.    

 

I like this version much more, it has a cohesive flow to it, stronger chorus and over all a great

re-write.  The syllable count is something that I must learn as well, and I am learning much from everyone in this forum. 

 

The only other comment was I think you meant "off dead" not "of dead". 

Jan

[Challenge #16 - Elusive Dream Re Write Of Poor Delusional Me]

Hi Goldy, do you think the chorus serves its purpose as is?  My re-write, I tried to keep the important things in and lose what wasn't needed in order to keep the same story line going.  I'll have to work at it some more I guess.

 

How long do we have to complete the lyric?  I'm going to be busy getting things ready today and tomorrow for my Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday.  I won't be working on this much over this weekend.  But, I know I will be adding a special thanks this year for all my new friends on Song Stuff. 

 

I still need time to comment on Donnas' and Vagdas' re-writes as well, as soon as theirs are done.

 

Thanks again,

 

Jan

[Challenge #16 - Elusive Dream Re Write Of Poor Delusional Me]

Okay, I have taken into account all of the critiques, I hope my new retitled version shows some progress.   

 

Although I liked the previous title, I agree with the "Poor me" and I think that title belonged more to my first write rather than my re-write.  I was going to retitle as My Elusive Dream, but I seem to recall one years ago, so I retitled as Elusive Dream. 

 

I changed all v to 10 lines, added a pre chorus and changed the bridge, got rid of all the lines that needn't be there.  Do you think the bridge serves it purpose and is ok as is, or should that be an alternate pre-chorus?  If the later is right, then I still need to add a bridge.

 

Or keep as bridge, only move to the end being:

 

V, PC, C, V, V, PC, B, C

 

Let me know if there is still work to be done.

 

Okay this might sound really stupid, but I don't know how to add the new version so I will post as a new topic, if that's okay.  I'll first try to edit original by adding new version at the end of my original.

 

Jan

 

Okay, new lyric is at the end of my original post

[Challenge #16 - Elusive Dream Re Write Of Poor Delusional Me]

Thanks Goldy,  I can get to work now.  Thanks for your honesty, both you and Rudi have given me lots to do and I really appreciate and regard both critiques with high esteem. 

 

Again congratulations on the monthly lyric contest win. 

 

Jan 

[Challenge #16 - Elusive Dream Re Write Of Poor Delusional Me]

Thanks Rudi for your quick response.  I have a lot to digest, that was quite an In-depth critique and included points I had not seen or thought of before.  I will be working to improve my lyric this week.

 

Thanks again

Jan

[Challenge #16 What's The Gist Lyricist?]

I really like were all this SS is heading.  I have introduced several friends to SS all with varying musical interests.    

 

It's almost midnight here, Wednesday morn and I have not had my lyric critiqued yet.  I don't think Kel has had a response to his lyric draft either.  We both have had views, but no critiques. 

 

I think Kel has given great critiques, very in depth, and really seems to know what he is talking about.  Well respected gives valuable positive critique.  I on the other hand really have no idea what I'm saying. Basically I tried to cover most points and struggled to make it to 500 words.  After reading Kels critique of his assigned lyrics, I can see where  I need to go and do more research. 

 

OK, I've just heard from Rudi and he's on it. 

Thanks

Jan