MrDoubleMan

yeah i was on that perticular song. The deadline was in a couple hours so i just had to get it done. I appreciate the advice.

thanks for the feedback bro.

you also do it here .. 1)Too many scars for my own accord 2)So ghost, a motherf*ckers gettin' bodied without a corpse 3)If purity is all I really want then I don't know if I can take anymore 4)No this ain't a depression, just want a display for my cracks you should continue with the "Or" sound on bar 4 as well, then switch to "ack" on bar 5

Eminem ft Dr Dre - Guilty Conscience as far as structure go OP, it always sounds a little off when someone changes their end rhyme after an Even numbered bar.Odd . I find it flows a lot nicer if you switch after the Even numbers. example 1) Rebel stop writing this shit down, your f*cking drunk off your ass 2) Who are the f*ck are these people? If you walked a straight line wouldn't you pass 3) Blink 182 playing in the back, turning gold into brass 4) Yeah kiss her on the lips, show her a little class 5) Yeah stick your middle finger up, yeah grab that bitches ass 6) Who the f*ck do you think you are? ----(seems off because you switched words here) 7) Stop being a pussy and get your head outta the stars Get your head outta the clouds, cuz we both know this rap shit isn't gunna take you too far IMO you should switch the rhyme on the 5th bar. so 1-4 is rhyme of ass, and 5-8 is rhyme of star hope that makes sense

Whats up everybody. I just recently entered Jee Juhs Song Contest. The results will be out on the 7th of this month. I just wanted to see what people thought about my track on a lyrcial level. LYRICS - (Hook) Put In The Seconds/ Put In the Years// Put In My Sweat And/ Put In The Tears// Learned Some Lessons/ And I Faced Some Fears// Left Some Wreckage/ So I Gained Some Ears// (Verse 1) For 12 Years/ I've Held My Tears Back/ I Felt Fear/ That Helped Steer Me On Track/ Upheld Peers/ Tried To Propel Near Plaques/ But I Feel Hells Here/ And I Dwell Near That/ This Is/ Musical Therapy/ Bare With Me/ For A Moment/ Music Is Sparing Me/ I Can Barley/ Keep My Focus/ My Rarity Isn't Noticed/ Apparently Very Hopeless/ I Stare With Impaired Emotions/ While Cherishing Every Moment/ Despaired And I Swear That I'm Broken/ My Brain Is Unhinged/ The Pain Has Sunk In/ I'm Caged, And Condemned/ When I Get Off Of My Leash, Their Afraid To Contend/ No Fame To Befriend/ Just Flames In My Pen/ Raw, Rugged, Rough, Is How I'm Known To Go/ Four Four Below 0, I'm Cold As Snow/ I'm Not Known, Or No Pro/ No, My Phone Dont Blow/ I'm Home Grown, Like Your Own Zone, Grown At Home/ (Verse 2) My Check Comes In, Not A Massive Amount/ But The Bills Add Up To Subtract My Account/ Insufficient Funds, No Transactions Allowed/ No Gas, No Food, No Snacks In The House/ Working 7 Till Close/ Studio Sessions Are Low/ Since The Depression Took Hold/ My Progression Has Slowed/ But I Express And Compose/ This Professions My Goal/ This Machine Gun/ Tongue/ Is The Weapon I Chose/ I'ma Do It Till My Time Stops/ Till My Life Rots/ Even Then I'll Keep One Eye Propped/ Like A Cyclops/. Fricken Riddles/ Like Chicken Little/ Now Watch The Sky Drop/ Get You Served Early Or Late, Just Like An I Hop/ Why Watch/ What What I'm Doing, If You Dont Like/ Smoke Might/ Just Rise Up Out Of This Broke Mic/ Think I Wont Fight/ Take Your Back, Get The Choke Tight/ And You Say Your Heart Wont Quit, But Your Bones Might/ (Verse 3) Feel Like The Only One Thats Floating In The Ocean/ Try To Hold In The Emotion/ Plus This Boat Is Full Of Holes And/ The Bolts Are Barley Holding/ The Coast Is Nowhere Close/ So I'm Just Hoping/ There's Land On This Globe/ And That I'll Soon Approach It/ Swimming Deeper Than I Can, It's The Way That I Live/ Plan To Use The Prize Money Just To Pay Off My Fridge/ I'm Drowning In Debt,/ And Bound To Regret/ All The Mounds That I Spent/ And Everyday That I Did/ Nothing/ Cussing/ Under My Breath/ Suffering/ Struggling/ I Just Wanna Be Blessed// Hotter Than July, Like A Stevie Wonder Cassette/ I'm The Shit, If My Heart Stops, Plunger My Chest/ Call The Plumber Direct/ Is All You Can Do/ So Sick That, I Can Give The Flu The Flu/ It Takes Zero Of Me, To Kill Two Of You/ Caught Ryu Off Guard, I Haduken Too/ all feedback is very much appreciated !