It a matter of perspective. If the loud parts are too loud you don't hear the quiet parts in a mix. If you use compression properly it allows you to hear all the parts. thus increasing the perceived dynamic range. "Wow, I can hear the soft parts too"... is the idea. If used properly you don't notice that it's there.
I regards to a band mix,. If all you can hear is cack cack cack ect from the drummer.. sounds like everyone else is too loud. Or the drummer sucks at self balance, or both.
You should be able to hear everything if you're doing it right. That has nothing to do with rimshots. you can play very quiet using rimshots. I do it all the time. just don't hit as hard. Use a lighter stick..