Sonnet Of Adventure

[Mazrocon]

This poem has been deleted due to possible publication.

~TIMOTHY~

[Songwriter7]

Very nice, very nice, but I think that the first part would sound better with a few tweaks, but Its probably just me

When your life becomes routine

And your days start to blend

Your sense of adventure unseen

Your closed mind starts to bend

Again very nice poetry, keep on writing

[porcellainBitch]

the only thing that i think doesn't go with the rythm as well is this part:

"Or simply trying to be brave

When the hurricanes blowing outside"

--> how about:

"or simply trying to be brave

with hurricans blowing outside"

it just sounds better to me.

i love the part about the rain and the waves and "collapsing with the tide" captures the spirit of adventure very well.

[Mazrocon]

Very nice, very nice, but I think that the first part would sound better with a few tweaks, but Its probably just me

When your life becomes routine

And your days start to blend

Your sense of adventure unseen

Your closed mind starts to bend

Again very nice poetry, keep on writing

Hey thanks for the comments... thanks for the suggestions, I always thought the first lines sounded a bit off. I think your little re-write sounds better

~TIMOTHY~

[Mazrocon]

the only thing that i think doesn't go with the rythm as well is this part:

"Or simply trying to be brave

When the hurricanes blowing outside"

--> how about:

"or simply trying to be brave

with hurricans blowing outside"

it just sounds better to me.

i love the part about the rain and the waves and "collapsing with the tide" captures the spirit of adventure very well.

Hmm i've had trouble with that line... i'm not sure which sounds better though... both kind of sound like a forced rhyme... i'll have to think about that for a little bit

Thanks for reading

~TIMOTHY~