Mannequins In Ties

[Mazrocon]

This poem has been deleted due to possible publication.

[sunnyfender]

WOW! Serious, I've been wanting to write something with this message for ages but I never seem to get the words right. I seriously mean this when I say a perfect write! Every line keeps me fixed.

Hoards of people but it's a ghost town

Cause they live their lives without a sound

Drudges in suits with artificial crowns

Dreams of office life and frozen frowns

I esp. like that verse. I'm intrigued as to how long this took you to write? Would you consider trying to turn it to a song?

[Mazrocon]

WOW! Serious, I've been wanting to write something with this message for ages but I never seem to get the words right. I seriously mean this when I say a perfect write! Every line keeps me fixed.

Hoards of people but it's a ghost town

Cause they live their lives without a sound

Drudges in suits with artificial crowns

Dreams of office life and frozen frowns

I esp. like that verse. I'm intrigued as to how long this took you to write? Would you consider trying to turn it to a song?

Thank you so much for the comment!! it means a lot to me!

I could turn into a song, at the time it just felt like more of a poem to me. I'm not a singer and i've never been able to put music to words (though I do make instrumental occasionally).

It took a little bit of time to write but that's what kind of weird about me. When I write a song or poem it usually comes to me all at once. It's hard to explain but I get these strange brain storms and I just can't help but write songs (or the majority of the song) in 15 or 20 mins.

~TIMOTHY~

[SymbolOfSound]

this is really a great poem, and would make a good song, like you and sunnyfender pointed out.

"Drones acting like drivers instead of slaves

Following a leader that needs to be saved

They live without reason and truely die

When all I see are mannequins in ties"

that paragraph is interesting. it sounds like its about people who are followers that actually have minds of their own.

[ForeverAMetalhead]

Wow i really like this, not only is it constructed well but also it is honest and the point of view of the writer can be seen very clearly I love the "6 billion hamsters in a cage" line and the whole 3rd verse keep it up, well done!

[Mazrocon]

Thanks again for all the wonderful comments!

If you guys think this should be a song instead do you think I should lengthen it? Should I actually make a chorus? Cause there is no real repetition in it other than it says "mannequins in ties" twice. It would have to be sang very slowly and/or have a lot of music breaks to be a full length song if I were to leave it as is.

~TIMOTHY~

[Kooky]

This is just brilliant...I usually stop reading poems/lyrics that have this type of message because everyone is always so hard hitting, but you put it in words that just drew me in and kept me interested.

[Gary]

I love it, it's how I feel at many times. Just curious, are you making a statement on the current state of things, or tragedy describing the entire human condition? ~Gary

[Mazrocon]

Thanks guys... really appreciate the nice comments!

Gary, usually when I write, the words just kinda flow out of me and I just go with it. This took about 15 minutes to write. I guess you could say it's a mix of both: the current state of things and the human condition. But more so the second...

Glad you liked it

~TIMOTHY~