Heart Of Gold

[guitar4christ]

What defines the gap between

Extremes of love and hate?

And who can cross the chasm unseen

To break the endless chain?

Mortal man meets angel sweet

And takes as victory's profit

A Heart of Gold, he hides away

So well he'll soon have lost it

But Oh, I loathe thee, mortal man

For stealing a heart divine.

Moreover, I hate thee, sinful man

For that heart once was mine.

And Oh, what tragedy doth befall

An angel's Heart of Gold?

An arrogant man, a fool of a man,

Who slowly doth grow bold.

Bold enough, to steal her heart,

And hide it far away.

Bold enough, to sell her heart,

For selfish pleasure's pay.

Bold enough, to "love" the girl,

Who's heart he has no more.

Bold enough to leave the girl,

When convenience lands ashore.

But not quite bold enough, come the day,

When returns, her heart to take,

The angel, lacking her pure soul,

Her anger, hardly faked.

When shows, the man, his empty hands,

And broken chest of lies,

The angel's fury will rain upon,

The man until he dies.

His heart, she'll take - his action's wage,

The payment of his idiocy.

His heart, she'll break and give away,

As recompense complete.

What defines the gap between

Extremes of love and hate?

And who can cross the chasm unseen

To break the endless chain?

Edited April 28, 2011 by guitar4christ

[DavidW]

Wow, good writers here.

This could be turned into a rap-style song or even included in a screenplay as a speech.

[guitar4christ]

I could see it as a screenplay, not so much as rap... I'm just not a huge rap fan haha. I mostly write music, but this was just a stab at some poetry

[AlexOConnor]

I'd be interested to see how you work words like doth and thee into a contemporary piece. Perhaps a folk song I could imagine it - other than that I think it would be a challenge though not impossible. The rhyming is good and the structure is very steady... and perhaps for lyrics maybe too steady.

Bare with me -

That middle verse is huge and there is nothing wrong with that in itself but my worry is this: the structure is so perfect it makes it hard for the vocalist to spice things up - too off beat will ruin the structure and prolonging words and sentences could potentially have the same effect. There is nothing wrong with perfect lines in songs but this verse is extraordinarily long.

My concern is... it might get boring to listen to. Maybe too monotone? Maybe too perfect? It sounds odd but I hope you can see my point and I anticipate a reply.

p.s I know this is in the poet section but since there was mention of it perhaps being with some music I thought i'd add my two pence

[TheManInIndiana]

Wow man! Bravo. This is a great poem. It has heart, it has terrific flow and as you read you feel the poem. That's what poetry is all about. Poetry isn't about structure or how it looks on paper. It's all good man, and I love the rhyme scheme here. You worked this together very well. Two thumbs up. Oh and I agree, it is a fantastic poem but not song material. I have been wondering about the possibility of getting a bunch of very good poets together to make a book of nothing but very good poems to be published, if you would be interested this would be the type of thing that I would love to see in that book. I look forward to hearing back from you and reading more of your work.

[guitar4christ]

That would be awesome! I'd love to participate! Just let me know what's up