Critique/review/rate My Rap. Please.

[AyoMaggots]

Ima do some work in here

Go inside insane

Knock you bitches out

In sleep so deep like chocolate rain

So hurt you need Icyhot

You faggots have ben-gay (been gay)

My stuffs the best since sliced bread

Your shit so shitty like shit stains

People want my grains over your shit

Cause your shit gives em migraines

Punchlines hit like a heavyweight

Flow so swift like a lightweight

Listening to you is like hell

Please stop for Christ Sakes

Maybe if you took some notes on my

You could learn to do shit the right way

I dare you to talk shit to me

Or any of my peeps

f*ck you motherf*ckers up

You're so soft like ice cream

Bitch I strike like lightning

Bitch I bite when Im fighting

You bitches writing and rhyming

So sketchy like UFO sightings

We're some dope ass monkeys

High on trees (weed)

My teacher yelled at me

Slit her eyes, made her look Chinese

Stapled this dudes nuts

Made his twins Siamese

And I eat these pussies up

I'm going to hell for gluttony

Just cause I'm skinny

Bitches try to push me around

If only I'd punch em in the mouth

So they won't make a sound

I restrain, but if I snap

I'll come at you like a bloodhound

Then these bitches act surprised

Don't say it wasn't announced

All you bitches are done balling

And I got the rebound

I can't stand you bitches

So motherf*cking sit down

I'm so high above you bitches

You can call me ni hao

Y'all bitches are beneath me

Crush you like you're only three pounds

We put the pressure on you

Like hypertension

School you punk ass bitches

Then send your ass of to detention

Told you I ain't bluffin

Now you know I ain't messin

And we ain't stoppin

Till we know you've learned your lesson

[Matt Kerridge]

Hey, Ayomaggots.

 

I dislike it, you need to reword quite a lot, also a lot of it doesn't make any sense at all, especially at the start of the rap. I'm not going to write a full review but it may help if you read over a review of another rap which another member wrote on this forum.

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/30107-wouldnt-have-it-any-other-way/

I hope it helps. But if you'd wish to talk more feel free to send me a message on inbox here, or write back in response to this review.

 

Regards,

Matt.