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  1. What's new in this club
  2. its a all round nice piece bro! few changes here and there and you may have a nice track.what sound of beat goes with this?was you going accapella?
  3. My effort at freestyle SEE HIM,SLAY HIM AND EVERYONE WHO’S WITH HIM PUSSY HAD IT COMING AND HIS 0* RATING WIGGA TRIED TO RUSH ON ME BECAUSE HIS BITCH SHE FLASHED HER BUSH AT ME I REALLY WISH I DIDNT SEE THAT SKANKY HO IN FRONT OF ME SLAP SLAP SLAP TO THE SIDE OF HER CHEEK SHE’S DOWN CRACK CRACK CRACK IS THE SOUND OF YOUR KNEES YOU DOWN I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME AT THIS THE NIGHT THAT YOU WAS SAYING SHIT SEE YOU THINK YOUR A BLOOD OR CRIP SUFFER TILL I EMPTY CLIP I SAID WHEN I FIND IMA KEEP YOU GUESSING WEATHER YOU DIE WITH A MAC OR MY SMITH N WESTERN BUT YOUR TIME HAS COME IM GONNA VIDEO RECORD IT AND SEND TO MUM THAT HER SON IS A PUSSY AND HE HAD IT COMING AND WHEN YOUR ONLINE DONT GO RUNNING… YOUR MOUTH CAUSE ILL MAKE YOU GO SOUTH IN THE DIRT INTERRUPT THE FUNERAL WATCH YOUR FAMILY HURT MAKE YOUR MOMMA CRY KICK THE SOIL IN HER EYE
  4. where are you in this mic game all you bitches rap the same IT'S THE TRUTH and you know my rhymes are deep you wanna put on your pad and keep IT'S THE TRUTH now i dont mean to offend im just sayin when you hear my name on your knees start prayin come up against me and i make your rhymes sound cute bitch dont square up when you dont have the attributes to do something about it acting like a gangster when your so f*cking far from it IT'S THE TRUTH when you go too far out comes the mac 11 bullets sprayin in all your bitches backs oh sorry you aint done 2 in the kneecaps so you cant get up and run stand over your body blaze on the cheese stand over your body watch a bitch bleed IT'S THE TRUTH (X3)....... Yo where's Charlie? This is my FIRE IN THE BOOTH
  5. Hi Like it. It moved pretty good but did hang or have to slide in a couple of places where the count didn't quit work. - good rhyming but not always consistent. Bit of work and you have it. Peggy
  6. Hi, just want to start by saying that I really like the sentiment of your lyrics. The chorus on the whole is good but the first line doesn't quite make sense - try changing "swoop down in" to swoop down with maybe, because otherwise it sounds like they're wearing long blonde hair rather than having long blonde hair. As for the verse, the rhyme scheme gets a little confused for me. For the first verse you're using half rhyme, but the second uses perfect rhyme which is just a bit inconsistent. Overall though I really like the extended metaphor and I think you've got a good idea here.
  7. MY SUPERHERO (CHORUS) As you swoop down in your cape and long blonde hair Make being a superhero look easy with your style and your flair And always know the danger,never makes a sound But has enough power to put you 6ft in the ground MY SUPERHERO (x3) (v1) In your spare time baby you are a thing of beauty ready to be the saviour To all the men,women and babies And you really dont see All the good things you do But my idol thats just you No regard for your own safety As long as we are rescued safely MY SUPERHERO (x2) (CHORUS) As you swoop down in your cape and long blonde hair Make being a superhero look easy with your style and your flair And always know the danger,never makes a sound But has enough power to put you 6ft in the ground MY SUPERHERO (x3) (v2) Baby my heart almost skipped a beat When you revealed your surprise Fighting bad guys through you're disguise But it made me love you more and more And it’s what we are all fighting for You risk your life every day So to you i wanna say….you’re MY SUPERHERO (x3) (CHORUS) As you swoop down in your cape and long blonde hair Make being a superhero look easy with your style and your flair And always know the danger,never makes a sound But has enough power to put you 6ft in the ground MY SUPERHERO (x3) (V3) And as you swoop down…….MY SUPERHERO I feel safe…..MY SUPERHERO Saves the day ……MY SUPERHERO Here to stay……MY SUPERHERO My superhero (x2) Saved my life My superhero (x2) saved my life MY SUPER——HERO written by David Smith copyright (r) 2017
  8. One comment: Your rhymes are pretty good, so why are you only sticking with them for 2 bars apiece?
  9. Right off the bat we have a pretty good punchline. Even if you decide to trash the rest of the rap, keep this one around and maybe tweak it to fit whatever flow you end up using. For example, if we were in a bit more laid-back flow, you could take that line and make it "You know the haters ghosting on me now: Everclear" or something similar. Just keep any punchline you think of in something like a notebook so that when you need one you can pull out the notebook and find one that rhymes. This bit is honestly trying too hard. You're trying to get an internal rhyme scheme going when you've been sticking to just sequential rhymes before here, and it sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, the imagery is all over the place with this little bit. You've got saunas, some ancient Egypt, and Friday night confession/last rites. Honestly, you'd be better off not showing off your oblique rhymes (tresspassers/chest passes or saunas/embalmings) until there's actually a place they fit well. That way, instead of coming off like you did something just so people would go "ooh, nice rhymes there," you'll leave them going "Damn, he just went hard in on that." For example, one of the most lyrically complex raps ever written is "Lose Yourself" by Eminem (not passing judgement on it, but there are fewer words that DON'T rhyme than words that DO in those verses) and it would be worthless if all that clever rhyming didn't tell the story of Rabbit's struggle for greatness. Honestly, this part is really in need of redoing, at least as far as the rhymes go. "Wardrobe gorgeous" is good, maybe even good enough to kick-start another verse, but you didn't follow through in a satisfying manner. You abandon the long O that you have going and go to short I and short O and never go back. For example, compare this line to yours: "Wardrobe gorgeous, adorned like the Four Horsemen." See, mine isn't any better than yours content-wise, but because I stuck with the O through the whole line, it sounds like it's continuous. Then after that, you've got little rhymes that just stretch it a bit too far, like "Generation" and "end" which aren't quite close enough to make it work. You do finish with a strong rhyme though, so you ended on a high note. But that's just my opinion, man. Feel free to take it or leave it.
  10. Cool tune Beant - as a couple of people have said, maybe a couple of timing issues on the vocal - you could try recording small sections at a time rather than all at once?
  11. Beant Singh, Good tune! Have you tried it in a slower tempo? I have not listened a lot of hip hop music, but for me is kind of too uptempo for the song. Your song remembers me Gryffins Whole Heart.
  12. Interesting rap piece. Overall, you can hear everything, and the music is fairly well done. The biggest thing this needs is PUNCH. For instance, the kick jumps out a bit and pokes you in the mix but the bass sits back and drones in the background. I would add another patch with solid mid-bass content to work with the kick to provide that punch. The vocals need to sound bigger but tucked into the mix not over top of it. The best way to achieve that big in your face rap vocal sound is put a limiter on the vocal track. The vocals need a bit more meat but a limiter may be all you need; if it doesn't fatten it up enough you may have to EQ a little. For rap, it's all about the percussion and vocals; the other sounds are there as ear candy .Concentrate on those two and the rest will fall in place. Consider putting some interesting effects on the vocals in places such as gated reverbs/delays or hard tremolo type effects. Cool tune. Peace, TC
  13. Thanks man big up! Yeah definitely understand the breathless comments - record in one take due to lack of studio time! Since the recording and release of this song we've invested in a mic and home studio so will have more time to record. Will look at vocal comping for sure and take advantage of the new equpiment we just brought. Thanks so much for the comments I'm glad you connected with the music and bars - appreciate it!
  14. I do love Asian powered Hip-Hop. Ami Bidrohi! There are places where you try to squeeze too many words into a section, like on "my mind makes a maximum" you can hear some clumsy delivery there. You can also hear spots where you struggle with breath control. I know you want to be able to perform well live, but on a recording I would learn to take advantage of some studio magic. I'm not sure what kind of tools you're using to make your music, but there are a lot of great tricks you can use in a DAW to really polish up your recordings. For example, you can break up the vocal recordings into manageable sections so you can control your breath between takes. Record a bunch of different takes for each section and pick the best one, or even better, cut and paste them together (google vocal comping) to form a composite vocal. More advanced DAW tricks can let you make adjustments to the timing of your vocal parts to make sure your rhymes land exactly on the beats you want them on. I think you could improve things by multi-tracking certain dope words and phrases, like "Sikh on the beat" or "Asian / lyrically amazing". One thing I noticed is that your flow got smoother and better as the song went, like you started a bit cold. By the time you get to 'sugar / mind diabetes' you're really locked in. Anyway, I really enjoyed this track, I thought you had a lot of great lines and rhymes.
  15. You certainly can improve the mix by adding some delay and or reverb to your vocal track ... The vocal delivery ... well, it's all about rhythm isn't it. In some part you seem to be catching your breath ... maybe fine tuning the lyrics to cut or change some words in order to allow you to breathe better between lines It would cool if you could add the lyrics to your post Cheers
  16. is this a sentence? a poem? certainly not a song....... work work work
  17. SHE'S BEEN WARNED OF BOYS LIKE ME I'LL STRETCH HER OUT AND MAKE HER SCREAM "DADDY I'M SORRY" OOH SHE'S H#RNY N NAUGHTY
  18. THE CORDS BEEN CUT, PEN HAS NO INK. I F#CK DIRTY SL#TS IN HOLES THAT ARE PINK THEY CALL ME LOVE REAPER I'LL F#CK HER AN LEAVE HER
  19. Have to say has some pretty catchy licks. Needs cleaned up a bit and fit, till it's slick as shit.
  20. Thanks alot man, I will try doubling up on punchlines etc for sure and splitting the vocal up sounds like a really good idea will try that thanks!
  21. Hi Beant - welcome to the site. I've been known to like some hip/hop stuff, so gave this a listen. Really like the backing track. For your vocal delivery I would maybe put another drum beat in the background when you are rapping to get the correct flow, so you are hitting the vocal on the beats, this can then be removed once you have done the vocal. The vocal is good, but could be a lot better. I would maybe find a cool sounding vocal preset to make the vocal blend into the track better, maybe have some harmonies over certain words you feel should be emphasised. I would work on your delivery and breathing technique, as rapping can be a hard thing to do and not sound like you are out of breath. Maybe split the vocal up when you are recording and just do a small section at a time. Hope this helps and look forward to hearing more from you.
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