Hello And Goodbye

[MPerry]

HELLO AND GOODBYE

 

Unable to think-forsaking love's path

all sense of reason gone-ready to collide

left us here in our pain and it's aftermath

 

as we remember all the details one by one

having no words to give us sway- or turn and run

stop the clock- let it play out -before it's begun

 

give us the beating heart-a bigger part- hope to try

see what we didn't see- break it down-just a formality

to make all the difference between hello and goodbye

 

we are made to explain-give it name- or pretend

every single time-we fought the urge-carry on

longing to savor-raise the white flag- fight to defend

 

as we catch ourselves-prepare for what's next

rally round- hold on tight- face unknowns-head on

take a step- one at a time-as we catch a breathe

 

wanting to be reasured-make it right- keep it tender

lovers on the verge-we must press on

hold up our hands-give in -fess up-ready to surrender

 

we are lovers in fight or flee-in dreams believed

damage control-we hold out-belief made real

promises kept-whatever happens next- love is realized

 

give us the beating heart-a bigger part- hope to try

see what we didn't see- break it down-just a formality

to make all the difference between hello and goodbye

 

By Michael Perry

 

　

[scotsman89]

mike

found this quite hard to read , some of it loses the rhyme structure and 2nd verse rhymes on all 3 lines .

1st verse  gone  and collide - do not make sense - if they are gone they can't collide

all sense of  reason lost  from inside -  set aside ?

 

2nd verse leave out - or run and turn  . then the rhyme is steady

 

7th verse - believed and realized  do not rhyme;

   belied  would fit

 

apart from pulling it apart LOL  . think this is full of emotion and very good

 

john

[MPerry]

Hi John

 

Thanks for reading and commenting!..this was just an attempt at free wheeling rapid phrasing- writing down whatever came into my mind to see how it would come out- kind of like a hip hop version of a rap song- this was first meant to be song lyrics-that was quickly shot down by others-anyways- I guess I need to go back to the drawing board with this one- Anyway I really appreciate any and all comments from you..so thanks for that!...I will try again.  Regards Mike

[scotsman89]

Mike

that is what came to mind as I read it .   it just needs .  you know what it needs i am sure . music then it will sound the way it sounds in your  head . when I write I always hear it .  then when i see it written down ( finished ) I know no-one else will so keep it  to myself . but this is very emotional and glad you shared it

john

[gibson386]

Your lyrics are heartfelt and passionate. So  now is the time to tame them. "Hello and Goodbye" is a bit close to a Beatles song title but I think you should make more of what is the key line "Just a formality to make all the difference between hello and goodbye". What is this difference? Years in a loving relationship? Children? Shared hopes and dreams? It's your song. Give it a good dispassionate revision . It has promise.

[LadySeda]

Hello. This is my first post as a new member, but I did want to share a few things Michael.

 

I read this a few times, each time the rhythm of the words started to come through and the timing feels a bit forced.

The words are amazing and your visual description is gripping. It invoked a feeling of anxiety and hurry as I read it, but I became lost to the true message. Something that sometimes helps me is rhyme, when I feel like the words are running away from me I check for different words to help me stay focused, to find the rhythm and fix it place. 

 

I hope this helps, and I did enjoy the read. 

 

Rebecca

[mark tranter aan]

my fav lines are - give us the beating heart - a bigger part - hope to try

see what we didn't see- break it down - just a formality

That my friend is fantastic writting! Keep it up.

[scorpionking]

A very passionate write mike,

 

With plenty of emotions, well written

 

 

 

Best wishes

 

 

Kevin

[MPerry]

Hi Gibson

 

Thanks for reading- I appreciate your reading- with no musical training- I write from the heart and the ear- by listening -then the words flow out taking over with a mind of their own- I am the conduit to present them as is.  Mike 

[MPerry]

Hello Ladyseda

 

Thank you for commenting!....I appreciate everything you say!....I have no formal training- so I write as a novice- only trying to get my point across-not worrying about structure and rhyme- at least for now- I am of the free- verse variety in my writing attempts for now- still working on each one I present as I go!...thanks for stopping by!...regards Mike

[MPerry]

Hi Mark

 

Thank you for sharing your really nice comment!!...I very much appreciate it!...regards Mike

[MPerry]

Hi Kevin

 

I really appreciate your comments!!...I am a fan of your writing as well!...so thanks for the shout out!...regards Mike