BREAK APART

[MPerry]

                                       BREAK APART

one day, we let it all go-to our head-basic instinct- we would proclaim even

if the choices we made were never clear- we said come hell or high water

here is our long story short- bits and pieces point of views from the break apart scene

 

we watched ourselves as if from a distance, be detached, in that we had become

fallen out of sequence, left with consequence we created-not rehearsed-we blinked

ready to share stories- had pilfered, stored up-prepared them for the break apart scene

 

and just like that, with no time to spare, or any other small detail-we did not leave out

for all to see-for this-became our betrayal-laid out on the table- keep everybody guessing

we drowned in the detail- let the silence be deafening during/after the break apart scene

 

we think it- or thought too much-and now- together, separate, out of frustration made

short-lived-tempered-decisions-fraught-fighting-with fear-over the details-we held

deep down, practiced lessons tried hard to learn came clear from the break apart scene

 

we watched as it all tumbled down-littered our way-not seeing all the signs -impasse

would that explain it all-over what had we become, where were we going, the fault was

ours to share- until we let broken hearts speak-for the first time in the break apart scene

 

passing time, love began to heal, day to day- taken for granted-came a silver lining

that which complicated our life-and out of it, we would find a love's common ground-in a

kiss to strengthen our resolve, not over think, make too much of-the break apart scene

By Michael Perry

[Leupo Ishai]

Choppy. Not sure what dashes are being used for. They seem to be thrown in randomly without much purpose. The lack of regularity, for lack of better words, makes it kind of confusing. Should be an easy fix. Once it gets smoothened out i'm sure the piece will be more clear, and people will be able to really appreciate your message.

[MPerry]

Hi Leupo

 

Thanks for sharing your comments much appreciate the input!..I tend to use, dashes as a means to absorb the thought, take a pause, possibly reflect- before moving on to the next line- I do have a tendency to ramble on- and use rhyming words where I can- this time, it might not have worked like I had envisioned- still this is one of many techniques and styles that I use- sorry it did not work for you, I will keep trying. still I appreciate you taking the time to comment!...regards Mike

[JamesJones]

i like it , kind of like in the head of the writer i like when muscians do that like there perspective not just what they say from there mouth but when they take in in there mind itself sometimes without saying it and instead of just words u have there very thoughts and its powerful because its so human as we all are .

 

Perry i really liked this keep it up

[MPerry]

Hi James

 

Thanks for commenting- my writing is not for everyone, but I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and read it!...regards Mike