In The Moonlight & Snow

[JamesJones]

Hey I'm Joe I've Written Lyrics Since i was 15 but if you have any feedback its gratefully appreciated i write in many different styles and also sing and rap but im writing this in more of a slowed type song maybe like blue october or Smashing pumkins to forgive so deffinetly slowed pace and feel anyway here goes 

 

I think back now of a better time , a better place that we could find , a better place in my mind, its where i spend more than half my time , no matter how hard you try to plop me out , my feet are sunk in solid ground , and the fact im only as cold as a cold heart can be , I wanna memory thats just slowed down , i wanna feel everything stuck in a place in my head , i wanna place where i can spend the night with you , i wanna place where i can stay , a place where your hair blows , i wanna know where i belong and im here laying in the Moonlight and Snow , 

 

see where it all began , was somewhere lost in my memory , i remember then i forget , i cant blame anyone but myself .. im titillated and patronizing i am hypnotized and i just fear .. 

 

Am i stuck where i cant be found , am i underwater and with chains im bound , underwater and i fight im breathing , i just wanna be with you in the Moon Light and snow ,  the moonlight and the snow , the moonlight and the snow i wanna see ur hair blow in the Moonlight and the snow , oh how you glow , your voice hits me like an echo and im here 

 

freezing in this place , searching for which mistake is my next to get through , im here whistling in the wind , wishing i wasn't just your friend , because the pain is hard to get through , but im here , cold just as u , we are just the same , just an angel in the Moonlight and the snow.

 

 

[JamesJones]

any critique would be gratefully appreciated i dont  know what i want critiqued i just i guess i want to know how it is as a whole and individually by creativity and it  took me 20 years to write this to let those feelings out and i cried for 3 days straight after i wrote about my other song but  if you could be kind enough to express your opinions and critique them please do and thank you  

[MPerry]

Hi James

 

This is sad, beautiful and haunting- at times painful- we feel your hurt, as the reader, we feel it- within the depths of your despair- so deep, it grabs us and won't let us go- until your last words echo in our ears...your emotion is palatable, with excellent choices that make the piece flow, I would like to ask- did you have a specific structure in mind when you wrote it- or did you just write it and let the words spill out- I think if you pieced it together, structurally, it would make more of an impact- letting the reader pause or speed up, while high-lighting the emotion- all for the effect, there are a lot of ways you can go with this- and I thank you for sharing this and allowing me to read it!...keep writing and I will be reading. Regards Mike  

[JamesJones]

Mike Thank you for the support , hope my other posts u didnt take in a negative way lol

i had an idea of what i wanted to convey but i never truly learned structured writing it came naturally to me i guess being heavily into music film and novels comics ect i kinda saw an outline i guess or saw like how some did things but wanted to make changes for myself to show originality and beauty but also pain 

i think beauty and pain love and hurt we all want love but we also all experience pain both physical and otherwise 

 

i sat down i didnt really write what i hoped for or what i inteded ive written far better n even had two written works published in an article years ago for a mental health magazine because im bi polar and have major depression .

 

so i use music not only as like a theraputic tool but to tell the average fan who i am what i feel what i think i do it all with honesty and im a guy who wouldnt sell his soul ive made music before ive been in the pro wrestling biz i have written work published im not the greatest anything i just accept myself as i am , Human and Flawed but also  i consider myself to be a good person with many goals and a lot of love to give but also a lot of messages both positive and negative but in positive ways like standing up for my beliefs without infringing upon others i dont put people down we all were raised on something and its a personal thing but so is music everyone likes what they like specific to them .

 

so i try to  basically have an idea or topic i may have 1 line as an idea that i wanna work with or mold or manipulate stretch it and see what happens when its done 

 

thats how i write rock ect , rap ect i can sit down n if i wanted write insane ammounts of bars 

 

which people always say damn u got mad bars , bars are measured normally in hip hop by 16 seperate bars like 16  mini sentances that all in a way connect  or u can do 4 then 4 bout something else 

 

like a rhyme scheme with 5 words but after 5 or whatever u feel works boom another 5 words thats two bars , its 16 bars in 1 verse typically ive heard way way more 

 

but i use complicated metaphors and write kinda like a bob dylan but more id say idk i know what i write n its kinda like a puzzle piece for the fan or reader to get about what im saying kinda 

 

yeh hope i didnt lose ya with all my rambling i just kinda dont mean to over explain , thanks for the support thinking of a topic to write a new song n post it as i do  

[JamesJones]

also i had an idea for like the topic and i through what popped in my head a girl ive been in love with since 16 she knows but shes broken so much that basically she cant handle a relationship n im 26 i never left cuz if u love someone truly n u feel like u cant breathe without them u dont obsess but more of a gratitude to be thankful to have what u do even if u only have them but not in the way u both want but unfortunately cant have n yes its painful to me almost teary eyed , but its also ironically in a non sadistic way kind of a happy pain because of the fond memories the good things but the make u smile but shed a tear , cuz its like meloncholly u look back not in anger but what u miss what u cherrish this or that  but i never lost her but i also never had her 

 

regardless we both love each other sometimes u stay cuz of love even if the person u love is too broken inside to have the ability for romance , its a joyful reminescent pain 

 

i hope im not quoted n seem creepy 

 

im saying i like the good memories but i shed tears cuz there memories there not right now that things changed her not in a bad way so much just she got hurt n i tried picking up the pieces 

an entire summer i stayed in that room with her no sex no nothin just had the most amazing time of my life with my best friend the girl i loved since i saw her and secrelty grew to love me , and sometimes it sucks when its too little too late .

 

thats where i am , looking back at her smile while we were shined down in the moonlight and making angels in the snow , a false memory , fake memory to distract me from now , i can look and do at real memories 

 

but this song was a reflection of those great memories that i cry cuz how happy we were , n maybe tweek it its winter why didnt i write bout summer cuz summer seems happy the trees n sunshine i also grew up in michigan with a very cold humid strongly bad cold winters i mean real bad chicago i think is the only other colder state than us but im uncertain but yeh it gets cold bad 

 

we grew up to wear normal clothes hoodies beawnie hats ya know cuz to us hot summers n cold winters was normal beatiful rainy autumns that i could go sit on a porch put my head phones on  n just watch the rain and did when my parents would fight before my dad passed .

 

i have been through the ringer experience wise but i also realize like most said from what i went through at 18 i was told i should have been dead or in prison but i changed my path re routed to a good future with my own issues but i still go foward , even if i occasionally look back .

[Janeva]

Hi

Welcome to Songstuff.

Just to let you know that you will need to write at least 2 critiques for other members for each of your own topics posted and that you are limited to one topic per day.

Good luck with your writing

Jan

[JamesJones]

ok thank you 

[MPerry]

Hi James

 

I applaud your truth and honesty, it is refreshing- and welcomed!..keep writing!, I will be reading.  Regards Mike