Venting

[Unlinkedtwo]

Kind of a work in progress, I wrote it this morning. Just a warning, It's got a lot of political and religious views in it.  As well as some language. 

 

 

I'm shooting you full of lead, You will come to dread everything I do.

Thinking you are such a clever thing; endeavoring to reach my hardened heart. 

However this is reality and I am severing my ties. This is my true brutality.

This world is full of homosexuality. Y'all traded in your sense of rationality.

I don't give Damn about your nationality, stop acting like its some kinda f*cking abnormality.

While you say its in defense of your normality, what the f*ck happened to morality?

 

Don't ask me, this is a catastrophe. You people never heard of chastity? 

Y'all have the audacity to ask for abortion, when its your own fault.

All you had to do was remain in abstinency. Maybe I expected to much.

You don't have the capacity to obtain that kind of mastery.

 

You want to gain my respect? Get busy bitch I'm erect.

You don't like who we elect...Let me be direct, You are incorrect.

Protests run unchecked, how are we to reconnect?

Don't you understand, the lives you affect?

This land was grand, now its just full-a disrespect.

You don't get to command, nope not one f*cking command.

All you do is reject, everything that we stand for.

Why must you resist? Isn't it time you outgrew this?

All it does is cause discontent, its time to repent!

Shit, I'll dumb it down for Y'all!

I'll haul your ass into this stall. Throw you against the wall; 

So hard You'll recall the words of Saint Paul.

 

 

[TheSylentType]

Welcome here!

Liked how you started of, but in that last verse reading out your lines they got a bit too long I think.

If you can shorten em out the flow would stand better.

[Unlinkedtwo]

11 hours ago, TheSylentType said:

Welcome here!

Liked how you started of, but in that last verse reading out your lines they got a bit too long I think.

If you can shorten em out the flow would stand better.

I'll edit it in a bit. Edited it. Think I know what you're talking about. Thanks for your time.

 

 

 

5 hours ago, Neave Nation said:

hey i think your use of the words homosexuality and abortion come out a little blunt and throw off the flow a little bit. I think it'd be hard to use those words in a subtle smooth way but i like the transition into the other words, rationality, nationality and chastity all seem to roll off the tounge much better. That's all keep up the greatwork, I'd really appriciate it if you could give my post some feedback as well. Please be as harsh as needed. Thank you

Hey thanks for taking the time to read it. Most of the stuff I write is pretty laid back. This is really the first time I've written anything seriously and I wanted it to come across as blunt. I'll try to find some time to sit down and listen to your stuff.