It Just Means I'm Alone

[Lisa Gates]

If I leave my bluejeans on the floor

If I keep an old wreath on the door

It just means I'm alone

 

If I leave the radio station on

If I keep the lights bright all night long

It just means I'm alone

 

If I leave the dishes in the sink

If I keep too much wine around to drink

It just means I'm alone

 

I like the house quiet

I like talking to myself

I like to scream and cry

Allowing myself to ask why

But it just means I'm alone

[Lisa Gates]

No No Joel, not that different at all! (you totally got what I was saying too.)

I like the idea a lot!

I'll structure it a little different than you've suggested but you've pointed me in a good directions.

thanks!!

[Lisa Gates]

NICE!!! I used to live right near a PEZ factory in CT. You may have to resort to bubblegum machines...lol!

[Lisa Gates]

Hi ya! if you want to put music to what you've done, then go for it. but don't put too much effort into it. I'd like to keep the refrain because that's the title. i liked the teasers but in my mind i want the repetition of the title to make it memorable and hopefully cause the "earworm" effect to make listeners sing it all day long. (Therefore playing many times and making me 55 cents per month... LOL!) If I lose the refrain then I'd make a chorus with "It Just Means I'm Alone" in it.

i've got two writing events this week. one tomorrow where i was going to tighten up the structure of this song (and another song or three.) Then on Tuesday I'll be at BMI for Jason Blume's quarterly songwriting class... who knows what I'll learn there. EVERYTHING i hope!!

Is it ok if i stall you till Sunday night?

[Lisa Gates]

Hey Joel, I didn't see your check in. I'm sorry. For some reason I don't get email notifications. (I'm sure it's because I use aol email...whatever!! LOL)

I've made some major changes for structure and consistency. I'm sure you will hate it...

I'd like to keep the language simple and conversational. Things like "What hurt could i ever be hiding" didn't flow well for me (it's almost what they call "Yoda" talk) and "exult and loll" aren't really common everyday words I'd use (although if I were doing an uppity accent and goofing off these are words I would use...) 

I suspect you had a melody for what you presented. I know I've messed that up with my commercial country rhythmic tendencies. I'd love to say I'm sorry for that but I am who I am. I copied your lyrics and put them into a word doc. then crossed out what I took out or replaced. So your original words are still visible and we can see where you started.  Below is the final version I'd be happy with as a co-write for you and me.

I'll PM you with my notes why i changed certain things. Do you hate it...

 

OK With Alone

 

If I throw blue jeans to my floor

Hang a wreath on my door

Don't worry---I'm OK

I’m not ready for confiding

 

Leave my dishes dirty for a week 

Drink so much I can’t speak

No worries, I’ll be fine

Whatever hurts is just hiding

 

And when the house grows too quiet

I'll just talk to myself (this doesn't fit the rhyme scheme but...)

I mean, why scream and cry

Knowing it won’t solve anything

 

Here’s the best part

Who will answer when you're living all alone?

The jeans on the floor?

The wreath on the door?

No one anymore

 

But for that voice inside that won't stop screaming

(make this a distant echo not really a line: 'Your life's over, for sure')

As it snickers in silent agreement 

Does it matter what jeans or dishes even think?

When it feels like I’m right on the brink!

Of eternal peace and happiness? Or to hell with love and all its stress!

 

We all inhabit some kind of 'zone'

Me, I'm just OK with alone

[Lisa Gates]

54 minutes ago, fasstrack said:

I'd ditch 'knowing it wouldn't solve anything'---irrelevant and a red herring. The real drama is in the irony that you're DYING to scream and cry---to the potted plants...

@fasstrackwell then i need another word to finish that line that ends with "ing" its part of the structure. the other verses all end with a word in "ing"

it's like a second rhyme scheme.

[MikeRobinson]

Lisa, I frankly like your original version the best, because in that version the speaker wasn't analyzing, nor judging, herself.

 

May I suggest:  "go back to that version, and, with the same innocence that it expresses, extend it."  (Without, of course, laying aside what you have done since.  As we computer-geeks would say, "do it in a separate branch.")  I think that you were "on to something, there," which I don't see after that.

 

"It just means I'm alone," I suggest, also means, "... and I'm okay [with that]."  (So to speak, "thank you, but I don't need saving.")  Quite frankly, the notion that the protagonist might make such a statement, without seeking 'salvation,' is fresh-territory.

[Lisa Gates]

Hi Mike, yes,  i know what you mean about the original version. yes, you've hit the nail on the head that "I'm ok with being alone" thank you for verbalizing that for me. I couldn't make it come out that way.

@Fasstrack and I are identifying a structure and are playing with lyrics. This is a good critique. and you're bringing me back into focus. I can't thank you enough!

I'll see what I can clean up in focus.

tanx!
Lisa