Why do I

[Lyricaltarzan]

All this pain inside. All these thoughts of suicide. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be a newborn again. Feels like I’m in an ocean. I’m a sail boat without a sail. I’m a toy that never worked. I’m part of the unwanteds. Picked up and discarded. Looked at an disregarded. Treated like garbage. I’m one of the unwanteds. All I ever wanted was to be wanted. Why do I have a heart if I can’t love like a heart should? Why do I have a brain if I can’t think of thoughts that a brain would? Why do I have emotions when I can’t relate? I’m just trying to get some help an express myself before it’s too late. Why do I have a life if I don’t want to live my life like I should?

    I have these moments where I just wanna end my life. I get these perpetual thoughts of grabbing a knife to end the night.

     I’m ready to give up this fight. I’m barely holding on losing grip of myself every night that goes by. Waiting for my time to come. Ready to succumb to this depression. All this pain and all these thoughts have always been here. All this built up hatred an all these suicidal tendencies have always been a part of me. This is just the recession. The starting of my confessing. All the ones that looked up to me an all the ones that look down on me an especially the ones close to me. Take this as a lesson cause not everything is as it seems. 

 

All this pain inside all these thoughts of suicide. What I wouldn’t give to be a newborn again. Feels like I’m in an ocean. I’m a sail boat without a sail. I’m a toy that never worked. I’m part of the unwanteds. Picked up an discarded. Looked at an disregarded. Treated like garbage. I’m one of the unwanteds. All I ever wanted was to be wanted. Why do I have a heart if I can’t love like a heart should? Why do I have a brain if I can’t think of thoughts that brain would? Why do I have emotions if I can’t relate? I’m just trying to get some help an express myself before it’s too late. Why do I have a life if I don’t want to live my life like I should? 

    I want to escape this prison cell

    Sick an tired of my own hell

    Show your scars an I’ll show mine our twisted version of show an tell 

     With all this weight bearing down on me I’m not feeling well.  I feel like I’m in an empty well and that there’s no way I can get out. I want out. I scream an I shout. I sit in doubt hoping to find a way out.

       Then there’s school where I try to cover everything up an try not to mess up.

      But now it’s time that I fessed. There’s been a few times where I messed up.  Made some friends an I lost some got caught up in the moment and that was awesome. Then I snapped back to reality and the beast inside of me almost came to actuality and that’s the part of me I don’t want anyone to see. 

 

 

All this pain inside all these thoughts of suicide. What I wouldn’t give to be a newborn again. Feels like I’m in an ocean. I’m a sail boat without a sail. I’m a toy that never worked. I’m part of the unwanteds. Picked up an discarded. Looked at an disregarded. Treated like garbage. I’m one of the unwanteds. All I ever wanted was to be wanted. Why do I have a heart if I can’t love like a heart should? Why do I have a brain if I can’t think of thoughts that brain would? Why do I have emotions if I can’t relate? I’m just trying to get some help an express myself before it’s too late. Why do I have a life if I don’t want to live my life like I should?  Why do I go on.....