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Need help with writing lyrics

By donkeyXP
in Songwriting

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donkeyXP

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I took the advice from one of the Community members @Lisa Gates and wrote the whole story down, I tried to do it in an chronological order. Maybe I forgot something because my ex made my mind all blury like I have amnesia and I dont remember everything anymore that happened between us but I will add that later when I remember then. Though I am struggling with structuring like she said in this example:

 

"When I say re write your thoughts using this structure, its the line length and rhyme placement in the verses.
Most people can write the chorus well because it doesn't have to match anything else. Its better if the verses match so that the listener can remember the melody and in time sing along...
 
say the thoughts you wrote down were:
 
i want her back so bad it hurts
why can't she see that my love is real
without her i'm empty and life has lost its meaning
i remember how good we were together
how i loved holding her hand
 
Now take the thoughts and re write them in 6 line verse structure: (it's best to start at the beginning of the story)
 
When i'm left with only memories
of all our love and how good it used to be
holding her hand was like a treat
Why didn't it make her feel complete?
She was my world and had my heart
now she's gone and we're apart"
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And this is my story with my ex and I want to form it to lyrics(basically its everything I would say to her but not formed to lyrics yet):
 

Missing you hurts so much

Everytime I think about you

I miss how things used to be

We were so perfect together

And we had so much chemistry

 

And I get so sad

Because I know things now are no longer how they used to be

Cause for some reason

After we came together

You started to go distant from me really quickly

Without you telling me why

And I dont understand why

You always made me feel

Like Im not good enough for you

What have I done to you for you to be so mean to me?

Why did you leave me alone without telling me why

Baby tell me the truth

Im so tired of waiting

 

Baby I want you by my side

All I wanted is to be with you

You were my partner, lover and my best friend

Baby its so serious,

I need you by my side,

Without you my in my life I cant survive

Dont you understand how I feel, when you leave me alone?

 

I asked you so many times

Why you blocked me

But all you told me

Is that you dont wanna be bothered

Baby I dont understand

What have I done to you that you‘re so mad?

All I did was just fight, for your love

I am fighting for my life to be with you

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you help me to reform it to lyrics?

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Lisa Gates

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in the other thread you had decided how many lines you wanted in the verses and chorus right? what was the count?

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Lisa Gates

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6 hours ago, donkeyXP said:

The problem is I cant fit it to 6 or 4 lines each. Unless I remove something.

not necessarily. you have to change them to make them fit while keeping the important parts. These are just your thoughts not the actual lyric.

 

here's my start:

 

Seemed like perfect times to me
we had so much chemistry
now i'm left alone with memories of you
It hurts so much my feelings are true
 
pre chorus:
Thinking bout how I'm missing you
missing you
 
chorus
And I get so sad
cause I know things aren't like they used to be
and I get so sad
don't understand why you got so distant so quickly
and I get so sad
what did I do that you're so mean to me
Baby tell me the truth
I don't wanna get so sad
_____
Do you see what I mean? you've not lost the content just put it into a singable flow. This version in my head has the melody of a rock ballad. The chorus gets really big and emotional.
 
But again, listeners will long for some more details they can identify with not just the emotion of missing someone. Examples: Where you met, the time of year, your song, was there a smell in the air (like popcorn at a theater or leaves in the fall), how many texts you sent, did she leave any voicemails.
 
Have you taken a look at the lyric critique board and seen what others are posting? It's always good to read the critiques so you can learn more. 🙂
 
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Lisa Gates

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well all you can do is try. 🙂

 

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Lisa Gates

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9 hours ago, IsaiahCharles said:

But LISA GATES ...

that is not a solution.

He is finding proper problem solution from your side.

In this way every one can try why he request for help to you or others.

Well, I offered a couple solutions with examples and don't seem to be getting through to him. Did he even notice that I wrote a verse, pre chorus, and chorus based on the thoughts he posted? I don't think so...

All I'm saying is start practicing writing. I'm asking him to do something/anything. He has to go through steps to learn the best for him. We all start somewhere. We all breakthrough our comfort zone at some point.

Here's a great article with more detailed info. I hope you both can get something out of it.

http://www.songstuff.com/song-writing/article/song-form-overview/

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donkeyXP

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12 hours ago, Lisa Gates said:

Well, I offered a couple solutions with examples and don't seem to be getting through to him. Did he even notice that I wrote a verse, pre chorus, and chorus based on the thoughts he posted? I don't think so...

All I'm saying is start practicing writing. I'm asking him to do something/anything. He has to go through steps to learn the best for him. We all start somewhere. We all breakthrough our comfort zone at some point.

Here's a great article with more detailed info. I hope you both can get something out of it.

http://www.songstuff.com/song-writing/article/song-form-overview/

I did notice u wrote a verse, chorus etc. I just didnt like it. And I am working on the lyrics rn, I'll post it when Im done. Only its kinda slow because I dont know what Im doing and still learning.

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IsaiahCharles

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On 3/27/2020 at 1:26 AM, Lisa Gates said:

Well, I offered a couple solutions with examples and don't seem to be getting through to him. Did he even notice that I wrote a verse, pre chorus, and chorus based on the thoughts he posted? I don't think so...

All I'm saying is start practicing writing. I'm asking him to do something/anything. He has to go through steps to learn the best for him. We all start somewhere. We all breakthrough our comfort zone at some point.

Here's a great article with more detailed info. I hope you both can get something out of it.

http://www.songstuff.com/song-writing/article/song-form-overview/

Thanks a lot Lisa Gate 

I appreciate your effort. Its much helpful stuff.

I will take a help from you when needed .

Thanks  

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