mustard

[merciful evans]

seems i never posted this one. its not quite up to par, but will have to do, coz im dry at the mo.

by evans its mustard

at the kitchen table fasting

I remember as a nipper, asking:-

‘mum can I have a lot of mustard in my sandwich?’

I wanted my eyes to water, redden and twitch

and mum obliged, having the patience of two jobes,

triggering a direct assault on my frontal lobes

in later years, it seemed much less hot,

in spite of using half the pot

i changed to dry powder in vain,

in hopes of getting that lovely pain

and loosening the top of my head again

until I tried a little cold water,

in proportions of just one quarter

with two drops of soy sauce, the concoctions complete,

shooting ripples of intense searing heat

from the top of my head to the soles of my feet

the double superfine compound from norwich,

we use with pastry, cheese and porridge

grown in meadows in east anglia,

use freshly prepared on your ganglia

coz a mustard plaster

works much faster

than castor oil

on yer boil

by diluting in lots of vinegar, you can make french & american styles

but don’t spread these sort on your brow, and never, never, on your piles

though it may resemble custard,

nothing does like fresh hot mustard

bear the pain and wallow in endorphins

or wimp out, and use kaolin & morphine

evans oct 2005

[Lazz]

Condiments for poet's soul, 'tis

Evans rhyming 'bout a poultice

Well applauded by this bustard

Merciful' verse is certain mustard.

[Steve]

I'm off to buy some mustard powder

to sprinkle on me chips and chowder

vinigar might turn it French

so instead of Cod, I might use Tench!

That Evans bloke is a total loon!

I'd like to hear this to a tune

guitar or banjo, maybe a lute!

Or a full on choir? with a touch of flute.