All the Wild Horses

[RC James]

In my dream, night horses appear;
they stand in a courtyard, tall, sleek coated,
they gallop feverishly through arches,
uncover meanings that mystify me.
They rouse me in my dreaming to listen
to some kind of sign in their movements;
they rush into a horizon I don't recognize.
They are striding back toward the beginnings
of this rough-hewn tale they're a part of
through the lost canyons of their home.
I who lived without song or deliverance,
who perhaps ignored the signs they gave me,
take the direction now as a sort of salvation.

'They frisk their manes,
stand on their hind legs, pawing,
wild, impossible to saddle and ride.
They whinny in the near distance,
relaying the futility of my pursuing them,
I'm left following dim echoes.

Their clattering hooves send out a code.

[Steve Mueske]

On 7/3/2021 at 9:30 PM, RC James said:

In my dream, night horses appear;
they stand in a courtyard, tall, sleek coated,
they gallop feverishly through arches,
uncover meanings that mystify me.
They rouse me in my dreaming to listen
to some kind of sign in their movements;
they rush into a horizon I don't recognize.
They are striding back toward the beginnings
of this rough-hewn tale they're a part of
through the lost canyons of their home.
I who lived without song or deliverance,
who perhaps ignored the signs they gave me,
take the direction now as a sort of salvation.

'They frisk their manes,
stand on their hind legs, pawing,
wild, impossible to saddle and ride.
They whinny in the near distance,
relaying the futility of my pursuing them,
I'm left following dim echoes.

Their clattering hooves send out a code.

 

I'm intrigued by the central conceit, the power of signs in general, and the term "night horses" used as a signifier. I'm not sure about the title both because it echoes Cormac McCarthy's seminal work, All the Pretty Horses, and because it requires a bit of setup in the poem itself. 

 

For example, if you titled it "Night Horses," you could begin with "They stand in a courtyard..." That it's a dream (or series of dreams) can be revealed as the poem progresses.

 

"In my dream, night horses appear; / they stand in a courtyard, tall, sleek coated,"

 

I'm always cautious about providing ideas for cutting and tightening because we always run into issues of style. Where possible, I will try to explain what I'm thinking, so to avoid the problematic nature of criticism.

 

Is this a single dream or one of a series? The language indicates a single occurrence, but my instinct tells me it is meant to invoke a kind of personal archetype, therefore an ongoing series patched together to create a whole. Still, the language might somehow get to the heart of this because it is integral to the poem.

 

"sleek coated" is an instance of overkill. They are already sleek, no? The quality of sleekness is already a coating. Overstating this robs the authority of the speaker. 

 

"they gallop feverishly through arches, /
uncover meanings that mystify me."

 

"uncover" doesn't seem like the right word choice. They don't uncover anything because the speaker is mystified by potential signs. In fact, there is a kind of hidden-ness in their existence. What the speaker senses is a potential for meaning, but it is not (nor could be) revealed. What you are after, I believe, is the production of an idea that meaning is possible but elusive because of a fundamental difference in the quality of being. They are in his head, right, therefore produced by his or her brain, and yet there is an otherness about them that creates an existential ache.

"They rouse me in my dreaming to listen /
to some kind of sign in their movements;"

 

"They rouse me in my dreaming to listen" is just gorgeous writing. "To some kind of" on the other hand is too verbose when you could accomplish the exact same thing, more precisely, with "for a"

they rush into a horizon I don't recognize.

 

"rush" seems like a missed opportunity for a better verb

They are striding back toward the beginnings

 

"the beginnings" is an interesting point of the poem. I would suggest either cutting "the" (as in "toward / beginning") or making beginning singular (as in "the beginning"). There is great power in concision and specificity.

of this rough-hewn tale they're a part of

 

"rough-hewn" is a cliche and weakens a poem of this caliber. Primordial? Also, it's not a tale, but a mysterious melieu in which they simply appear

through the lost canyons of their home.
I who lived without song or deliverance,
who perhaps ignored the signs they gave me,
take the direction now as a sort of salvation.

 

I like this quite a bit, but wonder about "perhaps," "they gave me," and "as a sort of." I would be inclined to suggest something like "deliverance, / who ignored their signs / take the direction now as salvation."

 

They frisk their manes,
stand on their hind legs, pawing,

 

"stand on their hind legs" could be sharper as "rear" (I realize their are reverberations with "stand" but I'm not sure they are immediately visible). "Pawing," too, might be an instance for something more powerful. Fighting? Battling? 

wild, impossible to saddle and ride.
They whinny in the near distance,

 

I wish there were something better than "near distance" because I get they are close by but not in full view at this point. It's part of the dream logic of this piece. It feels a bit easy, though, a bit expected.

relaying the futility of my pursuing them,
I'm left following dim echoes.

 

Cut "dim." Echoes are already lower in velocity than a source. Like "coated" it's an unnecessary word that steals power from the force of the line.

Their clattering hooves send out a code.

 

Thanks for the chance to read and respond. Forgive my verbosity. I know you posted this quite awhile ago. I just encountered it tonight.