Shipwreck

[Carnival]

Baby, do you remember

All the things you said to me

What were the words you used?

Looking in my eyes you said

That there was nothing left to see

Over and over

Like water pouring from the skies unseen

While I held you, and kissed you once again

Did you think your words could wash us clean?

You tore me up, were you trying

To push me down so you could see

Past the obstruction I've become

To your private agony?

If it was pain you could not handle

I would share it all with you

I overstepped a boundary

And so quickly you withdrew

To the top of the mountain

Looking down on me

Your eyes were orbs of judgment

Through which you could not see

You know my secrets

I've shared them all with you

You turned them into weapons -

And shot me thru . . .

You sent me away

Into the cold arms of darkness

Knowing she'd embrace me as her own

Will I be the last to taste your tears?

Is love so hard for you to hold?

Living alone, there's no one to catch you

When your spirit flies astray

To bring you back and hold you close -

Someone whose love will stay

How do you grow

Until your roots can find their way

Into fertile soil?

Your boat has sailed

But your anchors have stayed

Where you cast yourself adrift

The tides have since played

In the tossing of the sea

Until the anchors of your life

Are buried in the sand

It's too late to find them

They are lost to you now

You stare into the water

And you sing your songs

And remember the love

That you hoped was real

When the rain falls all around you

And you feel close to God

Do you pray to Him to drain the seas -

To let the rain keep falling down

Hoping that one day

You can walk across the sand

Where now great oceans stand?

Baby, what prophets have you followed -

How are they named -

What have they led you to -

Is this where you will stay?

Your mind is all but open

To the destruction you accept as hope and pain

Your boat has shipwrecked on a rocky shore

It's time for you to learn to walk again

[Nightwolf]

This has a lot of great thoughts and feelings in it with which I can identify. Well written parts and wonderful turns of phrase. I fear the "Bullshit" parts bring it down to pedestrian while the verses try to rise. Both concepts are good, but when combined they battle. Consider making this into two ideas with room to go their own way. Just a thought, I like it lots

[Carnival]

This has a lot of great thoughts and feelings in it with which I can identify. Well written parts and wonderful turns of phrase. I fear the "Bullshit" parts bring it down to pedestrian while the verses try to rise. Both concepts are good, but when combined they battle. Consider making this into two ideas with room to go their own way. Just a thought, I like it lots

Very astute remarks. I'm thinking all the same things as you. I may edit the B-word out and see if I can make this more cohesive. Or I may turn it into two pieces, in which case I may end up with at least one song, based more on the last verses.

[Alistair]

Before I read Nightwolf's comments, I was thinking the exact same thing.

'Bullshit Blues' is a great title for a song, just not this one, as it is written. The thoughts and feelings of the lyrics are almost poetically expressed, while bullshit is too easy an option. Even if you just changed that word you would still have a great lyric. 'Shipwrecked' woudl be a good title.