Simple Conversation

[Carnival]

SIMPLE CONVERSATION

The pain of wakening

Of laying down to sleep

Of believing

Of remembering

What would you trade it for...

A simple conversation, our faces close

Whispering about the pain

And the rain that washes it away

One day to be replaced

By familiar incantations

That once soothed pain

But do no more

Some words best forgotten

Others better left unsaid -

Or at least would have been . . .

When you're all alone

Sorting out your memories

Do you regret the things you never said

Or those you did

When all the meanings have been played through

What will be their sum . . .

And where will the time have gone?

[Da Prophecy]

Hey Carnival,

I just read this a few times and wanted to say some things. The first thing I noticed is the layout. It's easily a free verse poem and I thought you did a good job in some areas with your line breaks which enabled you to emphasize words like "whispering". I also thought that "my love" in line 5 was not needed and could be removed. With this said, I loved how the poem felt very contemplative and like the title after thinking about it for a minute. At first I thought the title should be changed but now feel that it's a nice contrast with the fact that the conversation wouldn't seem to be simple at all given the scenario.

[Carnival]

...I also thought that "my love" in line 5 was not needed and could be removed....

Done. Good ear. Thanks.

[Da Prophecy]

It looks good. I just read it again not realizing that I already responded to this one but of course reading again is always good.

[crea]

Its a great poem, but it misses something.

it could be because i think this is too short.

but it is good, a given 7

[Mazrocon]

Yeah this is a good poem, saying that you don't want anything extraordinary just want a simple conversation where everyone understands each other and there is no missinterpretation Good job!

~TIMOTHY~