Sing Me Your Song

[Carnival]

SING ME YOUR SONG

Emotions spreading and combining

Like watercolors on a misty morning

You with your box and me with mine

While the rain falls and the wind blows

And we're all alone

Each of us a separate universe

I'm just a touch away

But I'm way out of touch

So hold my hand

And sing me your song in your native tongue

As you sang from prisons long ago

I will not know it's meaning

But I will know yours

Sing me the song you hear

When the wind roars through the trees

And drowns the screaming in your head

While you pretend to be at ease

And I am fooled

Sing to me of carefree days of love

Of the days of wondering

If they still hold meaning

And if you let them go

Will your regrets go with them

Then look into my eyes and see

Not my soul

But reflections of your own

For your song comes into me

And never leaves

Somewhere deep below the surface

It becomes a part of me

And collides with other parts

Like the crashing of giant thunderheads in March

And the order changes

And the air changes

You never see it

You never hear it

But you know it

Don't let me go

-Norman Maser 1/23/2008

[KennyChaffin]

Norm, I like this. A couple of suggestions

I'd drop the "windows of the soul" line as it is way too cliche

I might replace the last line with the single word "Sing."

Well Done,

KAC

[Carnival]

I'd drop the "windows of the soul" line as it is way too cliche

I might replace the last line with the single word "Sing."

Kenny, I think these are good suggestions, and reflect a good ear for consistent meaning and tone. I actually changed the last line when I posted it, and I am now changing it back to it's original form, which you may find no more satisfying.

I am not making the changes you suggest, only because the poetry I post here is generally stream of thought poetry that I write through from my thoughts and feeling in a single unedited draft. It's a record of my thoughts of the moment, rather than a project that I want to perfect. I will write and rewrite lyrics till the cows come home, trying to make it perfect, even though it never is. But my poetry is raw and imperfect, like me.

[KennyChaffin]

Kenny, I think these are good suggestions, and reflect a good ear for consistent meaning and tone. I actually changed the last line when I posted it, and I am now changing it back to it's original form, which you may find no more satisfying.

I am not making the changes you suggest, only because the poetry I post here is generally stream of thought poetry that I write through from my thoughts and feeling in a single unedited draft. It's a record of my thoughts of the moment, rather than a project that I want to perfect. I will write and rewrite lyrics till the cows come home, trying to make it perfect, even though it never is. But my poetry is raw and imperfect, like me.

No problem Norm. I can't help but make suggestions but in the end the poem, or lyric or song belongs to the writer.

KAC

[Carnival]

Kenny, I ended up taking your suggestion and I altered the 'windows to your soul line'. Your idea just grew on me. The line isn't any better, but the cliche is gone so the poem is better. Thanks.

[KennyChaffin]

Kenny, I ended up taking your suggestion and I altered the 'windows to your soul line'. Your idea just grew on me. The line isn't any better, but the cliche is gone so the poem is better. Thanks.

KAC