Pahchisme Plaid

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Everything posted by Pahchisme Plaid

  1. I get 404 Oops! page can not be found.
  2. Oh! Okay. I learn new things every day. I didn't know that was another name for Marijuana. From now on, I'll hear that name and reference in light of this new awareness.
  3. I'm curious to why you replaced Sarah Jane with Mary Jane. When I saw the title, Mary Jane, I thought of Tom Petty's song, Last Dance with Mary Jane. Why not use something uncommon, maybe Celia Jane? It would add another syllable, giving it further distinction. Also, I might suggest that if you're going to use "one thing remains" that you somehow state what that one thing is shortly after. Also, on account of the rhyme scheme of the T.P. Song--Jane/pain. You might consider looking at some other long "a" words to change that to. There should be tons of options. Do a search on both perfect and imperfect rhymes. You may have to change the wording of the line to accommodate, but there's a good chance it might fit better anyway.
  4. It may be that I'm on my iPod that it doesn't show up. I seem to get more on the computer, but when I searched the artwork that's usually on the site to show my daughter, I could find it.  Has it been removed or is it moved?  I tried looking under images and videos, but couldn't find it.

    1. Pahchisme Plaid

      Pahchisme Plaid

      That was supposed to be "couldn't find it". My iPod doesn't offer edit options in forums.

  5. Is your song theme about fame? Fireball is a good expression of someone with ambitions of stardom. "An empire in a thousand days" and "slaughter all the fans" seem to point there. I do get a bit confused about what's going on in the beginning verse, even though there is some intrigue in it. "The fire's getting higher, I'm coming down the wire" seems like a bit of an interjection on account of the "I'm". For me just that one word seems to interrupt the flow because it changes the object of focus from "you" to "I'm" and the the next chorus is back to "you". "You" appears to be the consistent subject otherwise. Even "it" to me would flow better making "fire" the "it" which carries the same sort of visual as fireball. However, if what I have interpreted the theme to be is correct, I think "headed down the wire would work better" IMO. I could be be totally wrong in my interpretation of the theme which would void my feedback. You have lots of interest to your word pictures in the lyrics and kind of a cool word rhythm.
  6. The use of place as its own rhyme was the only thing that stood out to me. You'll have a nice lyric here once you update that. Can't wait to hear it!
  7. Hi, John Craig Welcome to Song Stuff. There's tons to explore here! I'm still exploring myself. I hope you find that it meets your needs. I think some some of the best advice I ever got regarding writing lyrics is to just DO IT! It's very simple advice, but good advice nonetheless. I've come across some great articles about different lyric structures on this site that might be helpful. I'd love to link them here, but I'd need to search them again to find them. There have been some recent changes to the site. It's possible they are somewhere else than where they were before. Try looking under the Critique section und the sub category, "lyrics". In the meantime, I'll see if I can find it. Enjoy the process! I foud it. Here it is (in the library forum).
  8. Joe

    Welcome, Joe!
  9. Badtastic! The vocals were supreme on this. This isn't my typical genre for listening, ancient like I am, but you kept my attention through the whole song and I would say the vocals and the variation throughout the song were what kept my interest. Your voice does justice to the tracking here--really nice....This seems to be a young crowd audience song, good for dancing and grooving to, while at the same time has an element of an enjoyable listening experience for folks like me--I dance in my living room. I don't go clubbing. I have a 17 yr-old (Who won't be clubbing either) who I would venture to say, would love this track!
  10. If these lyrics aren't fixed to a tune already, I'd like to see you get more creative with sense-bound language. Its likely that it will change the structure, but I think it will make for a more interesting song. For example instead of saying "lonely", try to get in touch with what's going on inside your body or mind that suggests its loneliness, or use an image that expresses it. i.e. "There's a caved-in sink hole under bones of my breast, drained hourglass sands emptying my chest". ( Cry could be expanded the same way) "Dried up canyon, a once over-flowing bed so hard and heavy, left banks on my flesh." Hey! I may use that ! (You'll have to come up with some different images), but you get the idea... You could do the same with, "I thought I was your guy". Come up with what it was that makes you feel like you're her guy...specifics. Here you can really take off. Put some emotion into it. "Hours we spent sharing our dreams, stacking future hopes like flavored scoops of ice cream remember the Lake? the knotted rope swing? the exhilarating flight...Where did it sink? We had it....we had everything. Play with images and emotions and sense-bound language and I think you'll find you arrive at some very satisfying lyrics.
  11. (Time For A) Cool Change - Little River Band
  12. Stick with it, MP. I'm excited to hear how this comes out. Take a break from it to clear the cobwebs out if need be, but do come back to it. You've got the workings of a great song with these lyrics.
  13. Hey MP, I love your lyrics. I didn't quite understand verse 2, but to me its inconsequential that I didn't understand. Sometimes I like things that make me have to work to figure them out, especially with lyrics like these. Great word pictures. I read the lyrics prior to listening and I expected a darker sound with some intensity and minors in the music based on the lyrics. I can see why it would inspire another member to test it out, there is so much intrigue in the lyrics and format. Regarding that! Oh wow! HoboSage got it down with the tone of the lyrics and the emotion built into them. I hope that wasn't just a teaser. I hope you guys collaborate on that!
  14. What makes a great song? When I saw this forum post and read the comments, I realized I had some homework to do. I personally couldn't give a general statement to answer this without listening to specific songs to see what draws me to those songs specifically and break down what I think makes it a great song. Instantly, I thought there was variation from song to song in what it was that drew me to them. This is about my specific taste in what I think makes a great song as I do think music is very personal, just like reading books. When I thought of this, I instantly recognized there are distinct vibes songs give off that I had to categorize as well as the impact they have on me, so this might be rather lengthy, but detailed and specific to each song so that I could pick up on consistencies, so that I might be able to at least come near to stating what I think makes for a great song. Category A: Favorite Percussive/pulse driven songs. These are songs that feed me energy, make me want to move my body to the beat and sing along. 1. Simon and Garfunkel - Cecelia Cecelia has a fun pulse with snaps and claps and drums that set a rhythm/pulse that makes me want to move my body and sing along. The harmonies are one factor that make this song easy to sing along with and pleasing to the ear Cecelia has some pretty sad lyrics, but the music gives it an upbeat and comical take 2. Phillip Phillips - Home The drum rhythm and tempo make this song have a pulse that energizes me It has a catchy melody with just the right amount of variation throughout the song Harmonies add interest to this song and it has vocal interest and a fun vibe 3. I Will Wait For You - Mumford and Sons The repeat, "I will wait, I will wait, for You" is a fun and catchy line, It has a good, memorable hook line. Excellent banjo playing Vocal emotion and interest is a strength in this song the harmonies The tempo, rhythm--pulse of the song is fun and energizing There is just right variation throughout the song It has a good, memorable hook line 4. Fleetwood Mac - The Chain This is another pulse driven song that makes me want to sing along and move The excellence in skill with instruments is a big plus in this song The vocal modulation and harmonies add interest, intensity/passion to the song It has a catchy melody and the vocal chase of the hook-line with background vocals add texture to the song Good spacing between singing and music, musical solos, great vocal blending and so much intensity built into the song throughout. 5. Queen - We Will Rock You Invites participation with simplicity the combo of clapping out the rhythm and a capella to the beginning of the song. Harmonies make it fun for a group to sing along The hookline is memorable and the melody is catchy--vocal contrast between the verses and refrain Just right variation throughout the song Queen's voice adds vocal interest Summary: These songs all share features of being pulse-driven songs, having well-blended harmonies, excellent skill and blending of instruments, memorable hooklines, vocal interest and just right variation throughout the song and are emotionally energizing. Category B - Intense, Emotion Driven Songs (with a vocal/musical connect) 1. Alannah Myles - Black Velvet This song is set to an excellent pulse with the drum beat It has excellent use of instruments Fabulous vocal quality, modulation, interest, expression, intensity and soul vocal melody variation that adds interest 2. Taylor Swift - Blank Space The song starts with a great pulse It has interest and variation in the vocal melody Vocal expression/passion Lots of variation throughout the song Timing Crescendo/build up a strenth is the integration of background and lead vocals Interesting lyrics 3. Hozier - Take Me To Church On Time Intensity in vocals, melody and lyrics emotionally evocative in both music and vocals Great use of instruments Has a great pulse 4. Etta James - At last vocal interest, passion/emotion/soul Great rhythm vocal modulation and intensity/expression pauses in music for effect Melody 5. Selah - Bless The Broken Road Arrangement Intensity in music and vocals, vocal interest/passion/emotion/soul integration of lead/background vocals, harmonies Instrument choice variation of soft to intense in the song Lyrics that connect emotionally Pauses in music for effect Melody Great outro 6. Moody Blues - Nights in White Satin Rhythm/pulse Emotion/intensity/Modulation in vocals, vocal interest Excellence in instrument use Build-up/crescendo of chorus with a dinstinct emphasis on percussion at the end Soft to intense emotionally evocative Music melody blends well with vocals 7. Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah (Rufus Wainright version) Instrumentation Modulation in vocal expression, emotion Intensity in vocals and music and lyrics Lyrically interesting Memorable hook line and melody builds up and softens Emotionally evocative Arrangement Summary: most of these songs share passion/emotion in the vocals, some degree of intensity and variation in melody and vocals, good use of timing for effect, and a great pulse for the songs and appear to be strongest in the area of intensity/emotion. C. Beautiful, emotionally connecting songs with more lyric connect and vocal focus. 1. Eva Cassidy version - Fields of Gold (Sting) Vocal passion/interest/emotion/soul Great lyrics buildup and softening in intensity, changes in vocal modulation and intensity simple, clear, well-timed finger picking and piano key strikes arrangement an interesting vocal melody. 2. Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven Vocal emotion, soul rhythm Lyrics that emotionally connect intensity built into the vocal melody excellence in use of instruments minor chords mixed in adds interest 3. Sarah McLaughlin - I Will Remember You Vocal modulation, soft to intense Lyrics that connect emotionally Memorable and easy to sing hook line vocal interest/emotion/passion/soul fitting outro 4. Ed Sheeran- Thinking Out Loud Rhythm/tempo combo The fit of melody to his vocals vocal emotion/intensity/soul/expression/modulation - vocal interest variation throughout the song Lyrics that connect emotionally 5. Alysson Krauss - When You Say Nothing at All vocal expression, timining, modulation, interest intensity - soft to intense Hook-line packs a punch Excellent use of instruments Excellent outro 6. Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance Lyrics that connect emotionally vocal expression, timing, modulation, interest intensity - soft to intense Hook-line packs a punch Excellent use of instruments Excellent outro timing of vocal/musical pauses blend of lead vocals with background vocals Summary: These songs share an Intensity in their music and vocals, they're emotionally evocative, use musical and vocal modulation and timing well, lyrics that connect emotionally and excellent use of instruments. D. Fun, light, airy (some), bouncy 1. Colby Callait - Bubbly Face Fun lyrics that connect fun melody - catchy clear, isolated guitar picking quality vocals and expressive, singable range melody picks up in tempo fun, catchy hook line/chorus timing, good use of musical/vocal pause fun bridge - scatting softening of music and vocals for outro 2. Sarah McLaughlin - Ice Cream Fun rhythm fun lyrics that connect emotionally vocals expressive, quality modulation variation throughout the song scatting fun refrain/hook line 3. Alanis Morrisette - Hand in My Pocket Rhythm vocals are expressive, modulation, vocal intensity fun lyrics catchy melody Hook line, "I got one hand in my pocket" with a surprising variation at the end of this line great interspersion of music solo, harmonica 4. Sheryl Crow - All I wanna Do Fun rhythm and pace Fun lyrics, melody singable for most catchy, fun and memorable hook line 5. Creedance Clearwarter - Out My Backdoor Fun rhythm/tempo fun, catchy hook line, memorable Unique quality to vocals excellence with instruments variation within the song fun slow up and timing on the outro easy to sing along Summary: The qualities these songs share that make them great songs is their, bouncy air, scatting in some, fun and catchy lyrics, melody, pace, hook lines, easy to sing along with. E. Easy listening, More Harmonically focussed songs 1. Eagles - Take it Easy Catchy lyrics memorable, catchy hook lline interesting melody interesting lyrics singable, great harmonizing, smooth vocals, melody, background vocals excellent blending of lead and background vocals. 2. Fleetwood Mac - Rihannon Rhythm is smooth, drums set good pace harmonies on hook line and in other places are a strength excellent guitar playing singable melody great blend of background and lead vocals. 3. Elton John - Rocket Man Vocal modulation/expression interesting lyrics memorable hook line drums add intensity background vocals add interest variation in vocals throughout singable 4. Dixie Chicks - Wide Open Spaces Blend of instruments Harmonies Rhythm Great lyrics Vocal expression/modulation Smooth melody memorable hook line Variation in the vocal melody Excellent fiddle playing singable interesting lyrics 5. Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb (Might have this mis-categorized - I think this also fits category Excellence in drums, guitar, violin, music melody and instrumental blend vocals are smooth and the harmonies are well-blended interesting lyrics special effects memorable hook line crescendo in music (vocal breaks) Summary - These songs don't "generally" focus on intensity/build up, but more on mental comfort zone easy listening. They send you in a zone and unlike the more intense songs like in Category B, leave you in a mental ease. These songs tend to be fairly singable, have excellence and focus on harmonies, have memorable hook lines, excellence in use of instruments, and smooth vocals. Pink Floyd's, Comfortably Numb (as well as many others of theirs, I suspect) doesn't neatly fit into a category and crosses over causing a bit of a contradiction between intensity and easy listening. F. Smooth Molasses and Grit - Vocally Driven 1. Susan Tedeschi - Wait For Me Smooth molasses vocals and music Vocal modulation/expression and interest repeat phrases with emotion gravelly and molasses smooth vocals Excellence on drums, piano, guitar and mixing of instruments Instruments use on vocal breaks melody, groove 2. Tracy Chapman - You Got a Fast Car Rhythm Repeat phrases memorable hook line interesting vocals/vocal timing interesting bridge with variation of intensity and contrast to verse melody interesting story line to the lyrics interesting melody 3. Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me vocal smoothness and thickness memorable melody and hook line drums and use of instruments for a smooth sound 4. Nora Jones - Come Away With Me Smooth music - piano, brass cymbals w/ brush and guitar Smooth molasses vocals and music interesting lyrics vocal expression and smooth vocal modulation blend of instruments, especially on the vocal break Music melody Summary: These songs share a smooth molasses vocal, excellent blending of instruments, a groove, great vocal expression and interesting music melody. This was long, I got tired...I'm sure there's much to pick apart, but I think it gets more specific on what makes certain songs that have some similar, some differing qualities, great songs, depending upon what feel you're going for. It was a good exercise for me and I noticed some patterns in style that help to make songs great. Feel free to pick away. That is something that helps me learn as well. I left out a heap of great songs and artists. I can't believe I didn't include Billy Joel, but have to stop somewhere!
  15. What genre did you have in mind for this? Do you have a melody?
  16. Congrats to you, Mahesh! Haven't yet watched, but I'll be back to do that!
  17. I am certainly no techno-genius. A few Christmases ago, my husband purchased a headphone and microphone combination for me as a gift (JVC HA-RX300 headphones and CAD u37 Micorphone). It came with only the instruction to put together the, oh...what do that call that thingy? The spit shield, the plosive softener? Anyway...after much messing around with the computer to have it recognize the new device (and learning to plug the microphone into the back jack, not the front, we finally got the two to work at the same time. So now I have recording ability, but I must go through Audacity. I loaded Audacity onto my computer back a few years ago when I took the PP songwriting course, but used it only for the requirements of the class with no fancy modifications and don't know what all those numbers and adjustments are. I finally figured some things out playing around with it. One of the things I would like to learn is in regard to vocals. I did a sample vocal on it and when my voice gets loud, it has a sort of buzzing or vibration with it. I am sure there is a way to fix that, but I don't know what it is. I'm not even sure I have it properly labeled as reverb, else I'd google it. My stand-by has been a Sony IC recorder, which I love, but lately I've had some collabs where its been requested I send vocals only and the way in which I've used the Sony recorder is to record my vocals along with the music, forcing me to experiment with this new set-up and Audacity. Any help and suggestions are welcome. Be aware that my computer language and such is pretty limited.
  18. Hey Richard, I did type "Home" in the search bar above and nothing came up.  Can you link me to that song so I can listen?

    1. Richard Tracey

      Richard Tracey

      Here you go....



    2. Pahchisme Plaid

      Pahchisme Plaid

      Trying to work out something for this little bits at a time, but I have to search for it every time.  It gets buried under the activity feed.

    3. Richard Tracey

      Richard Tracey

      I am going to post up a couple of instrumentals I was never happy with the lyrics for and see if anyone wants to have a go at writing lyrics to them. Anyone who wants to get involved, I will allow them to download the track to work with, similar to what Dek did. None of the tracks have been completed instrumentation or arrangement wise, as I moved on to something else, but there are ideas there. Home will be one of these tracks, but none of the titles need to remain, they are placeholders.


      Will try to get that going today if I find a minute.

  19. Well, most of my poetry study was over 25+ years ago, so I've lost all the technical naming and such that are associated with poetry. I admire the fact that you are diving into an area you want to be strengthened in. I don't see that it can hurt anything as long as you're enjoying it. Your music is beautiful! I listened to some briefly. I have hopes to go back for a better listen (I'm a little behind on my "focused listening". I was aware that not all poetry had to rhyme, though with songwriting, I (I) do tend to get "stuck" in that rut of always rhyming. You bring up the scriptures. Yes, I have wondered what the Psalms sounded like with music. I think there is a possibility that the original rhythm, flow of meter and beauty of words (I hear more specific in the Hebrew/Aramaic language than ours) may have gotten lost in translation from Hebrew to whatever it went to and then to English. Ever listen to any Hebraic music? I think there is some on soundcloud--its quite different sounding from English, so I'm certain the meter would be a little different. I would certainly employ the methods mentioned by others above since you have the skill to do musical riffs. I wish I could--just not there yet, though I can do it with someone else's (If the music is a style and feel that I can absorb and speaks something to me). Two of my favorites are written to someone else's riff. It takes me longer than it does to freestyle lyrics. I get how a brain can draw a blank sometimes, particularly if you've been long stressed and not able to relax. I think that's why songs come to people when they're in their car driving, in the shower or supposed to be sleeping...because its when we allow all other systems down. Maybe you just need a quiet, relaxing "away" location where other "to do's" aren't calling to you. I have focus issues when life gets a little overwhelming or I have too much I "should" be doing and at those times, my creativity seems shot.
  20. I have that book MP refers to, I now use it as reference because I forget things. However, I do think some of that info might also be on Youtube, I( think). My MIL ordered a PP item for my birthday a few years ago. Its "Write Fearlessly" on an external drive, so you can listen, if it holds your attention better than a book. It has a lot of the same material that's in the "Writing Better Lyrics". If its a matter of just getting back into the swing of things, starise, maybe you should just consider co-writing a few with someone you're comfortable with, just for a bit until the "aha!" kicks back in. I know it can be awkward when you're away from it for a chunk of time. Also, just doing it and doing it regularly...I'll bet that'll work. I'm not familiar with your lyric stuff, so don't know about you what these other guys know. It sound like the only thing you might be lacking right now is a little confidence.
  21. I think the thing that a song has that a poem does not, is a chorus or refrain that connects the verses. You CAN have two or three totally unrelated verses that are tied together with a chorus that can have a multi-meaning. Of course the chorus/refrain are used in different ways and might simply drive home a point. A poem doesn't have a hook like like a song does and its the hook line that makes a song memorable. A chorus/refrain always pulls you back to some related consistency throughout the song. A poem tends to be more of a continuing narrative that you can go on and on with until you express all your thoughts to completion. If you did that in a song, you'd likely lose your listeners. A song has to be more succinct and sometimes you have to drop the extra wordage. In a song, you can get away with using words in an unusual way and because of "how" we hear songs, you can get away with leaving out words you would otherwise include in conversation or poetry. The music sometimes is really what matters. Hate to say it, being more of a lyricist, but...the music drives the whole "feel" and appeal of the lyrics. For example: I wrote a song that was intended to be tongue in cheek comical about a high school crush with an upbeat sort of fast-moving pace. A collaborator put slower waltz music to it and it made the song more of a sad song about love lost. The music often drives the song--maybe not even in a direction you would prefer. It can change the meaning of your lyrics in the same way that the intonation of your voice can change the meaning of the words you say. (Why we use emoticons--so the intent is not misunderstood and cause communication issues). The music is very key. The vocals and music are really what draws listeners in. If they like it, they MIGHT pay closer attention to the lyrics. As far as how to get ideas, dig deep into your most emotional moments, your history, your thoughts, feelings, etc., draw from those. Pay attention to other people, their expressions, their emotions, what's important to them, put yourself in their shoes and try to experience what they might be thinking, feeling, doing, etc. You can fabricate a story or a point or even veer off from actuality and into something that's not. You can employ your imagination for a fantastical land or creature, etc. You can listen to the news, read a book, observe your surrounding, consider your dreams. If you've not heard/explored object writing, you might consider trying that. Object writing has a way of bringing up experiences and memories you might otherwise have overlooked. For example: OBJECT WORD: net -- fishing, boats, sailors, (led to memories). For me net brings to mind the most amazing experience with my best friend when we were in high school. Her American father motor boated us to an island a friend of his had a cottage on. It stormed so we couldn't get back. I knew my parents would freak because I didn't come home that night, so early, early the next morning we set out and the sun was rising and reflecting on the placid water, tug boats were humming low as we entered the bay of the mainland, seagulls flying and the mumble of men's voices coming from the boats carrying over the water, the air was cool and it smelled of ocean. It was such a calm, wonderful experience. I could write about the details of that in at least part of a song. It might take longer, but keep up the word associations and if a memory with detail comes about move on to the details of that. Keep writing your associations for 10 minutes. Set a timer if you have to. Doing this can stimulate ideas. Hope this helps a little.
  22. I didn't run away. I took the pic down because I realized that the public could see it and it can now be googled. Wasn't thrilled about that. I was hoping if I took it down, it would disappear from google images, too, but it didn't, Snap! I like some reasonable anonymity.
  23. Thanks RobAsh15
  24. Thanks starise!
  25. Thank You, Jeneva! So far, so good!