Pahchisme Plaid

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Everything posted by Pahchisme Plaid

  1. I am really inconsistent in how frequently I pop out a song and for me, I have to clarify, that usually isn't a completed song because I have only emerging guitar skills and it takes me far longer to put music to my songs than it does for me to write and put melody to them. That's a bit of a frustration to me. I find that I have something similar to you that affects how I put out songs and that's time. Songwriting is an enjoyable thing for me and I want it to be a leisure activity, yet I want to keep my skills primed, so I write even under not relaxed conditions. What I consider to be my most quality writes came out of a vacation at a camp while I was sitting on the dock soaking up sun. Its that sort of thing where I've heard people say that songs come to them when they go to bed at night. Well, I'm of the opinion that the reason for that is that at night is when activity stops long enough to let your mind roam. Such it is with me. I do my best work when I've had sufficient downtime. That's not to say my most work, that's to say my best work. My most frequent work comes out of seasonal challenges. These seasons happen to be during times of the year that I (at least partially) do not have to work 8-3 and transport and attend sporting events and concerts and competitions from 3 to whenever. One I started two seasons ago, the other I started one season ago. One of them is in February (I had most of February off from work) and the challenge is to write 14 songs in 28 days and the other is July to October (school vacation July to August) and the challenge is to write 50 songs in 90 days. For some reason, a challenge works for me. It gets me writing. For two seasons, I met the quota of 14 songs in 28 days and for one season, not quite 50 songs, but close. Those could be at any stage from just lyrics, to lyrics and melody, to a song with lyrics, melody and music. In between I probably pop out between 3-7 a month, depending on whether or not I'm working. I'm not very consistent. I had some decent emerging guitar skills last year, but when I started working a grant supplied job, it left me little mental and physical energy and time to practice and I'm afraid my skills have suffered.
  2. I see lots of alliteration in your lyrics, so you've got that covered. You have only one rhyme which includes the end of line option with the other it rhymes with--rule--only two lines of rhymes for verses one being an end of the line rhyme (in your first verse, prepared/scared), so you've got that covered and he said format was of our choosing, so as far as I can see, you aren't breaking any rules. I am supposing you have more to add after you've got confirmation you're following the rules. The song feels incomplete as it is. I like your opening line. "raise your smiles" gives that sense that she feels warmly toward you. I'm thinking replacing "see" with "watch" might have more of an impact as its more than just "noticing" as implied by "see", but rather "observing/searching" in "watch" which has more staying power--sorta lingers. In your fourth line of the the first verse, I'd just change the word, "that" to "you" since you are addressing the lady in the rest of the song. The coupling of "gracious grip" messes with my brain as to me gracious has a sense of "freeing", while "grip" gives a sense of "confinement" (sorta reminds me of how my husband proposed. He had me pinned to the floor when he asked and I couldn't help but have this thought run through my head, "ah...this feel like a 'You better say, Yes' proposal" and of course I wouldn't have said yes if it wasn't yes, but...ya know...hardly down on one knee "asking". Your third verse gives me the idea that she said, "yes" and you're dancing with delight. I had to really think about that though as its implied. Perhaps a brief, "Yes" as a bridge, depending on if you have more you'll be adding to the song. The first line of the ending two just doesn't belong there, if indeed, the previous verse is about rejoicing in her "yes". "When you don't wanna be with me" just feels out of place. "we're bonded black and blue like bondage", the word "bondage" gives it more of an aggressive feel not in keeping with the rest of the lyrics which is full of mystery, hope and excitement. I would take out those lines--maybe you could use it in something else that's written with more of a thriller sort of feel.
  3. When I read "A Crack in the Sky" in A1, I considered that crack to be symbolic of an emotion or the break in a life, later, in A3 it came to me full circle that that crack in the sky was preparation for that man to enter eternity. I really liked that line and I think it would make a fascinating hook line and title. The idea of passengers feels unrelated without lengthy explanation. I would completely remove those lines and come up with a different outro. Also, "In between and Far Behind, What is real is in your mind" doesn't seem to be a great fit for the song either. I would either modify that or take it away entirely. I'll be interested to how any revision evolves. This has some potential.
  4. I think "My Head Hurts" would be a title option for this. I think your lyrics could be as easily interpreted as a hangover from alcohol, except for the line, "hungover from life" and I could actually see that whole verse making a fine chorus as that's really what your song is about and you could title it "Hungover From Life" .
  5. You've got an interesting hook line, "I'm Sure It Won't Be Love" and for that matter, I'm of the opinion you should use that full line as your title. It has more interest than just "It Won't be Love". The theme has the feel of a country song to me, though it could also be a rock song. The persona you give to her with your opening lines and "Looking into my eyes, she straddles my knee" lends to the feel that they're both looking for the same thing--like there is that possibility that she's fully aware that its not love and is okay with that. It also lends to the feel that they might already have been familiar, the way she beelines it for him. The chorus sounds like his appeal to her for a physical only, with no strings attached just to cover himself. I just get a deep male drawly country voice that comes to mind as I consider the lyrics.
  6. critique

    Hey Takoda! You definitely are a poet. You've done a fabulous job expressing what you love about this gal, what draws you to her, but it feels incomplete. There are a number of directions it could go-- You could give her a name and effect on you within as a refrain or chorus, you could make like you're an observer who is apprehensive about approaching her and bring the story out, you could go on about how you yearn to be with her, but are apart, or since you have associations with Japan, perhaps there is some sort of special word for an elegant lady in that language that you could use for a refrain. It just feels like you need something to pull it together to bring the song full circle and give it a more definite meaning.
  7. I had to read a bit about HSP. Yep. I guess it fits and explains a few things. I know its not simply a "women's" thing because I see it in my sons (and occasionally my daughter), but more in my sons--I've noticed if I am upset, they have difficulty with it, so I have to be aware and you know...breathe in if at all possible or escape to the bathroom, outside or somewhere to pull my act together, or distract myself with reading or gardening or something. My youngest is also quite light-hearted and a bit of a comedian, so sometimes, he's just what I need for a good distraction
  8. I tend to be a listener and an observer. I'm also very much affected by the mood of someone I care for or if I'm in a situation, I can sometimes in a group feel the vibe of what's going on without even a word--sometimes I just have to get out of there because it can truly affect my well-being and sometimes I could just hang out and observe indefinitely (well, not indefinitely, but longer than necessary.). I say this because when I am listening or observing someone, my mind goes in a bazillion different directions with "what if's" or pulling together shreds of input or identifying or a memory it might trigger or a hope or dream or remedy or trying to figure out where they are going with something all in just a few moments with every emotion or communication they share. I might use what I feel for them or within myself or what I see them feeling as fodder for imagery in a song, I might use a scenery as backdrop, I might use an experience of a walk or experience of the outdoors, its possible I might use the scenario, but unlikely, because to me, it seems a betrayal to someone to too nearly identify their situation after a confidence has been shared. I might pull elements of something, but my imagination would kick in and derail into an entirely different thing using just some sensory experience or something rather than the personal situation. As I said, my mind can go in a bazillion different directions with only a few sentences as stimulation (not always something useful), but one of those directions might split off into another direction that I can use for a song. Its all very elusive how topics arrive. They just do when they do or someone provides a "challenge", so I have to think of one. Do I write about personal experiences? Maybe...I'm a little to private to say, but if I did/do, those would be modified into something not quite my story, too. Personally, I think writers who write about things they feel or are able to feel in behalf of others in the midst of feeling it are authentic. I would hope it would come out in their writing. I think broody moods are easier to write about because the descriptors are easier. I think its healthy to "feel" those things and feel them deeply and express them somehow--writing them in a song can help others process through those emotions at times when they listen to something that they identify with and if they can't identify with the scenario, they usually CAN identify with the feelings. People want to know when they are feeling lost, that others have/do feel lost, when they feel confused, that others have/do feel confused, they don't want to be the odd one out and they want to feel understood. I think broody songs can keep them from feeling alone in their experiences and helps them to process out their emotions. Its not healthy to pretend they don't exist or to stuff them. I do think there has to be a hopeful note to end the song. Hope is really what people long for in those experiences. No one wants to be left feeling down. I've noticed there is often a light air to the music that accompanies sad lyrics or lighter lyrics that might accompany more melancholic music. I think the mix is good and makes it easier to listen to and prevents sadness overdose.
  9. These lines are interesting because I can't quite figure them out. Guess I'm a little odd that way as I like a little bit of riddle in a song--its what causes me to revisit the lyrics (trying to figure them out). The first verse leads me to wonder if the character is provoked by her own image in the mirror, "Far from final provocation/she finds her flaws/starring in the mirrors..." and yet the last line of that verse, " STARRING in the mirrors/framed in gold" makes me re-evaluate who "her" is. At first, I thought it to be the one looking in the mirror, but the last line, giving the character a sense of stardom (starring--mirror framed in gold), made me consider it perhaps she is watching someone else's in her mirror without their awareness and she is jealous of or angry at whomever she is watching. I'm not sure--it could be either, SO, I look to the chorus and I'm thinking the latter. The second verse, I tried to do some investigating to see if "restrings to a tighter tension" was a makeup term as I could only associate "guitar restringing" and that didn't make sense (also discovered tennis restringing), but didn't find any connection to make-up so came to the conclusion that "restrings to a tighter tension" must be the affect her emotions were having on her. "Takes her time/renders with a brush touched in black", could either mean she is trying to do her best to cover her flaws (the reflection of herself in the mirror) or she is giving herself more time to observe whomever she is watching in the mirror (jealousy/anger)-- again, could be either one. Your third verse, "Deliberate by brand of distinction/she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red" going with the reflection idea, makes me think a slight possibility she is hiding her insecurities, not allowing them to derail whatever it is she is preparing for and goes forth in boldness suggested by the red of what implies lipstick. However, I am more inclined to go with a fit for idea #2, that she is the jealous woman who never lets on her intensity (she doesn't blink/blowing all a kiss/drawn in red), red also representing blood, implying that anger or jealousy. As far as I'm concerned you've got a dual imagery going on here depending on how one reads it. Some might like more of a clue to direct them to the intended story, but there is only one question I'm left with...Whoa! what did they do to "provoke" this gal?--might not have been such a good idea. She sounds like a panther waiting to strike! "Tighter tension, takes her time, expect to incite, by brand, impulse to incite" I'd say you have the alliteration covered. Your only consistency in rhyme (that I pick up on) is the first line of every verse--provocation/tension/distinction. I did notice the change in color for every last line of the verse--gold, black, red which makes for a nice touch!
  10. Thanks, Peggy! I don't know if it comes out as obvious or not, but this song was somewhat inspired by couples whose lives are touched by Alzheimers or dementia and somewhat inspired by the characters in Nicholas Sparks', The Notebook. That movie really touched me. I saw it a number of years ago and it fits a category of impact that fits along with Schindler's List and The Passion of the Christ. All movies that caused my eyes to leak.
  11. I get that, Gary. Sometimes my head hurts and my processor stops working and my pen taps out a poor attempt at morse code
  12. Hey Lisa, I think the vocals and music were so perfect for the feel of the lyrics. The tempo and timing fit nicely as well as the intonation and she has a bit of a smokey feel in her voice which lends well to the song. There is an air of foreboding, even mournful apprehension maybe The well timed echos near end are interesting, particularly at that stage of the song. The only part that might be tweeked just a little, in my opinion, is the bridge. Maybe just a slight variation in melody between "taken too young" and "left unsung". It kinda stays the same just a hare too long. Other than that. Really great composition. My listening was on an iPod without the use of earbuds--so just the iPod internal speakers. I'm sure it would sound even better on my computer speakers or with earbuds.
  13. I found myself backing up to the first verse. I wanted more detail on that journalist journeyman. I wanted his story--how it was, how it phases out and how it is now. That's a manner of reporting I wish our reporters would go back to--less opinion, more facts (confirmed facts before reporting) and chasing newsworthy news instead of the latest play by play of a well-beaten topic. I wanted more on that dying art of fact gathering and chasing the latest big lead. It could be more about how that kind of reporting isn't valued today and how the emphatic opinions and character painting has become the popular chase snuffing out the "old" way. You could use terms like round up or round file the ribbon (implying a typewriter), pack up the pen and pads, let go the leads, hang up the herringbone on the hat rack--just giving it that old fashioned feel. I think the coal mine idea could be interesting too, and I understand how you were tying them together with your refrain giving a new representation with each verse, but for me, my appetite was whet with that first verse and I was left hanging. I would rather hear the lament of the journalist of then until now commenting how he might as well let the curtain down. Just my preference. I think you could get two songs from this.
  14. This is all great information, Mahesh! Thank you for the extra insight of what goes on inside the body when singing from the diaphragm--getting that mental picture helps! I look forward to whatever video you find to share. What amount of daily time does it take to properly get your vocals conditioned over time? (whatever it is vocalists do to prepare to sing and/or strengthen what they have.) Is this conditioning something you can multi-task with or does it need to be special time set aside for it? I'm talking after watching the videos and learning the techniques. Personally, I would have to start from square 1 (using the videos as one would an exercise video until learning the form and routine), as I've not had the instruction aside from this here and a few tips on the fly from others who sing.
  15. I've got lots to learn. I am not a performer, but I do sing in a worship team at my church and record my songs into a recorder. I used to belong to a a small church of older folks and led familiar hymns, often a capella because the pianist passed away and the organist had some major health issues. Last fall, my life got crazy and I had to make some changes in my life. One of them was moving to a church closer to home. At this church, I joined the worship team--much more fun than singing alone and lots of musicians/vocalists. I'm not the leader (which I like) and I'm not singing EVERY Sunday, I like singing with others because its fun, I like the harmonizing and I get a little bit of a vocal break when singing with others and its just much easier than singing (leading) alone every weekend. Anyway, prior to the service, we practice once through as a team. What I noticed after practicing is that partway through the service, my throat starts to get dry and feels a little raw. It doesn't happen all the time, but seems to happen a lot more lately (also in my mid 40s if that affects things). That made me wonder, How do performers sing night after night for hours sometimes? Perhaps I'm not singing right. I've never had the cha-ching $$$ to take any lessons (remember, I'm a writer who sings, not a performer), so seeing someone sing for hours blows me away at how its possible. The other thing....Did anyone see the Macy Day parade where Taylor Swift sang live? How did she not kill her vocals doing that? It was freezing cold! How can you "warm" vocals under those circumstances? I've also noticed everything flows better in warm weather or after having a warm drink, but everything constricts in the cold! At least for me!
  16. You have an absolutely beautiful voice, Rachel! I am trying to get through a crazy busy phase in my schedule right now, but if by June you still haven't connected with someone to help you with this, message me and I might be able to help you out. Your Chinese version is gorgeous!
  17. Thank you for this insight and for the article, Rob Ash. I'm thinking that the few weeks that seemed to be of particular struggle, there were a number of songs I was learning for the first time. Perhaps my "map" wasn't shaped yet, and I DID notice, it was difficult to know when would be best to take a breath because I was not yet familiar with how the song went. I can often anticipate the direction of songs either by watching the other singers or from the accompanying music or just because it makes sense, even when I haven't heard or sung them before. Occasionally, however, there will be a song that doesn't make that kind of sense to me in the direction it takes--those ones are the ones I struggle with in knowing where I should be taking breaths. This information is helpful. I know that I often sing from the gut, but probably not all the time. I definitely need the breathing information--even for when I'm not singing. Thanks!
  18. Hey Timbre, thanks for the feedback! I didn't quite know if I liked that third line in there, I may go with your suggestion or something similar. I still need to test out some sort of melody with this. That sometimes determines for me whether or not I pull, modify or use a line or swap things around--sometimes. Lyrically, I completely agree with you. Likely I will nix that line--more likely than not. Good eye!
  19. I hope I did this right. You said no "end of line rhymes" and my endings don't rhyme (except 2, one being the last line of the verse), but there are some rhymes within lines. Hope that's okay. HE HOLDS ON lyrics by Kc Chad ©2017 Early early ember enters September a flame that strives to burn on the west wind blows to catch the coal but the bite of frost hurts, oh it stings his soul He holds on. He holds on trying to pull back whatever's gone He holds her hand, she holds his heart She's there with him, but he's alone Still.. he holds on. Summer folds in the cold of October The birds songs are fading fast The green goes gold, amber and red flakes flutter down, down, down blanket on the bed He holds on. He holds on trying to pull back whatever's gone He holds her hand, she holds his heart She's there with him, but he's alone Still.. he holds on The kodachrome captured one November a trip to a Niagra escape in photos curled on the edges where they eloped, forever tethered He catches a glimpse of warmth in her smile her eyes light up Oh! Its been awhile Her cheeks twinge blush He rises up to to greet her and then she's gone He holds on. He holds on trying to pull back whatever's gone He holds her hand, she holds his heart She's there with him, but he's alone Still.. he holds on
  20. Gorgeous voice! I love when you picked up the rhythm of the guitar. As a matter of fact, I personally think that though you've got a story song here (which has some interesting imagery by the way), audibly, I'm pulled in where the guitar music picks up. I'd like to hear it come in sooner and be more frequent.
  21. I won't give it up, Tim. I enjoy it too much. However, I also can feel exhausted at times from singing, depending on various factors. I'm on the ups now, so hopefully not so much an issue as a bit back. Energy is a factor in that.
  22. I'm almost positive I don't breathe properly, especially under stress and possibly lousy lung capacity. I'm not one to be able to hold a note for too long and I probably would benefit from some jogging or something of that sort to help that lung capacity. I thought it was recommended to breathe so your tummy would rise and fall and not necessarily through the chest cavity?
  23. I wonder if my age has anything to do with it. When I was in my 20's and 30's I sang all the time, in the car, while doing housework, while gardening, etc and had not issues with endurance or dryness in my throat or hoarseness or rawness. Also, it just occurred to me that I started a new medication about a month or so ago. I suppose that might be a contributor? I had way more energy then, too, so "felt" like singing constantly.
  24. Thank you for this, John! I haven't yet checked out the above videos, but I'm looking forward to what I find in them. Very helpful, indeed! I'm not much of a talker, except for read-aloud to my son, so got that mostly covered. I have to raise my voice sometimes, (not really yelling though) cause my daughter isn't able to hear me when I use my normal voice (argh!), and I'm not a wine drinker (pee-u, that stuff stinks!), and maybe have a drink 2-3 x/ year MAYBE, so that's covered too! I could do better hydrating--Always. I'll be checking out those videos for sure!
  25. No worries. When I read through the lyrics, I didn't really feel the need to know any specific reason why the angel had to leave. I assumed he feared her influence on him and/or his influence on her and that fear was strong enough for him to choose to detach, but that's just me. Some like more details, some like to be able to fill in the blanks. Personally, I think you're fine lyrically with what you have for content. I would include a bridge only if the pace of the song is slow or seems long and needs a melodic change-up once the music and melody are put with it. Lyrically it keeps my interest and offers "just enough".