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Pahchisme Plaid

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Everything posted by Pahchisme Plaid

  1. Got a question..a few actually.... when you have one vocal going--the main/lead vocal and then WHILE that main vocal is singing the main theme, a support vocal is introduced highlighting certain words or carrying a separate chorus as a support, what do you call that? AND how do you notate that in lyric form so it's understood that they are being sung at the same time and how do you notate when it's introduced within the main lyric lines?
  2. Not something I've learned to cook, cause no one else in my household would eat it because of the veggies, but I like a broccoli and ham quiche a friend of mine made. It was goooo-oood! It had more in it for veggies, but hard to remember what now. Also, I like my eggs to be baked in a cheesecake (which I'm not supposed to have) with coffee (which I'm not supposed to have). An occasional cheat with lots of lactaid and decaf.
  3. Ray, I think the repeated line of your chorus, "Again and Again and Again" would be an option for a title. Granted, it doesn't seem to give any clues as to the song theme, but I'm sure there are plenty of hooks that don't. I think that "I'm tasting life for the first time" gives a nice imagery. That line instantly puts me in the emotion of someone "waking up to life" after just sort of meandering through it. This and your second verse led me to think what woke this person up was finding/being with a person who contributed to that waking up. I wasn't really following that it was a first-time sexual experience until I hit the bridge and even then to me it wasn't obvious as I was still in the mindset of waking up to "life". It took your explanation below it to make it clear and that sort of took away from the exhilaration of "feeling alive" to me, mainly because it changed my mental course from it being an inner experience to being a physical one. I took the meaning of the bridge to say that you had a weakness for this very special person and that person could affect you in a way others aren't. Personally, I was liking the theme that was flowing through my mind, perhaps my gender plays into that. I don't think it would take a whole lot of tweaks to change it to that theme, but I think there is so much more that could liven up a theme such as tasting life for the first time. For example: New experiences like 1st ride on the back of a motorcycle (for ladies), a kiss, playing a contact sport in the rain, waking up to the early morning sunrise, especially on the water (Hey--just got a kayak, so hopefully will be an exhilarating new life experience for me--yay--can't wait!), but that's the idea. Words you've used that really play into that are: taste, savor,take this leap, breathing, can't catch my breath. I also think the theme would be far more marketable.
  4. I've got lots to learn. I am not a performer, but I do sing in a worship team at my church and record my songs into a recorder. I used to belong to a a small church of older folks and led familiar hymns, often a capella because the pianist passed away and the organist had some major health issues. Last fall, my life got crazy and I had to make some changes in my life. One of them was moving to a church closer to home. At this church, I joined the worship team--much more fun than singing alone and lots of musicians/vocalists. I'm not the leader (which I like) and I'm not singing EVERY Sunday, I like singing with others because its fun, I like the harmonizing and I get a little bit of a vocal break when singing with others and its just much easier than singing (leading) alone every weekend. Anyway, prior to the service, we practice once through as a team. What I noticed after practicing is that partway through the service, my throat starts to get dry and feels a little raw. It doesn't happen all the time, but seems to happen a lot more lately (also in my mid 40s if that affects things). That made me wonder, How do performers sing night after night for hours sometimes? Perhaps I'm not singing right. I've never had the cha-ching $$$ to take any lessons (remember, I'm a writer who sings, not a performer), so seeing someone sing for hours blows me away at how its possible. The other thing....Did anyone see the Macy Day parade where Taylor Swift sang live? How did she not kill her vocals doing that? It was freezing cold! How can you "warm" vocals under those circumstances? I've also noticed everything flows better in warm weather or after having a warm drink, but everything constricts in the cold! At least for me!
  5. Yes @Ray888 water is a friend. AND so is the restroom after water and I become too friendly. I recently learned best to sip slowly which is hard to manage in the few seconds between songs. A straw works great to prevent swallowing extra air. The summer isn't quite so bad as winter. I require lots of water all the time in the winter due to dry air (forced hot air), colds, coughs, etc. I can empty a 16 oz within minutes and wish I had more. This year I kept a cup-sized humidifier next to my bed at night--usually empty by morning and a larger one in the living room. It helps. Summers are quite humid in my area, so helps some, plus the heat prompts one to drink liquids. About August one could drink the air . All great and helpful information you provided above. Thank you!
  6. Servus, I've looked at the lyrics a few times now and haven't really been able to critique as it seems to zoom from one thought to another. Ray888 pinpoints a key point: you have more than one song in these lyrics. My suggestion would be to take one of your main points and focus on just that point and build around that. You should have a key refrain or chorus that ties this all together with a clear hookline--that most memorable part of the song, it's so obviously key to the song and so important, it's usually your title as well. Then you can do the same for your other points you've made in this song and make a separate song until you're satisfied that you've said what it is you wanted to relay. You'll have to do it in more than one song because as Ray888 mentions above, it needs to be simple and have a single focus. By the time you've done a song for each main point you want to make in the song above, you may just have the start of an album or collection of songs. So, for example--let's look at verse 1. I hope the above breakdown gives you an idea of what makes this song hard to critique. You've just got to corralle your topic into one simple, clear idea and cover it from every sensory angle using sight, sound, smell, touch, what your guts are feeling inside. Use emotion to help. Try to express them with concrete expressions. Use metaphors for interest and to support the sensory expressions.
  7. I write lyrics and sometimes vocal melody. I rely on musicians to create the music to go with it. I can help you, I think. PM me.
  8. Hey, rickyd123! You seem to have a knack for words. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your poetry here on SongStuff! PPlaid
  9. I think that is the first name I've seen that has more vowels than consonants in it! Welcome Eoin!
  10. Welcome to SongStuff! This is a great place to hone your songwriting skills. If you love songwriting stick with it! Participate in giving feedback in the forums. That in itself is a great learning experience that will sharpen your skills. Read what others say when they give feedback on others songs as well as your own and check out some of the awesome articles here. I think you'll find this to be a warm, creative community! Enjoy!
  11. Hi Undersnow :)  Welcome to Songstuff!  I only know about you from reading another newbie's intro, so thought I'd swing by and welcome you here!  So much to see here when you're new.  Hopefully, I'll see you in the fourms!

  12. Anxious to hear you play bass and see/hear some of your songwriting. Do you start off with a riff and write to that or do you start of with lyrics and start with that or a combination? I'm a lyricist, so start off with lyrics unless of course I'm putting lyrics to someone's already composed music, which is fun, too! Lots of discussion around songwriting here, so I hope you find what you're looking for! Welcome!
  13. Thanks for sharing what you've learned from your vocal coach, @Sreyashi Mukherjee . I may not be able to invest in vocal lessons at this stage, but the posts here will be great for reference until then. I tend to be forgetful over time, so nice to have this resource. I know I can come back to this topic and be reminded of all these wonderful vocal tips!
  14. Again, you've got such great tension in your words. You make a person feel it in the pit of their stomach. You've GOT to put this stuff in song form. Can you imagine the impact with music behind your words?!! I can try to help you learn lyric form, though I've never had to teach someone before, so it might be rough going. However, I learn best by doing. Maybe you will too! There are lots of people here who can give effective feedback and the feedback can also help you learn. I say, plunk one of these poems in the lyric section and let them know you want to learn. I'm sure people will respond. You might need a number of attempts at revising, but its a good way to learn. Also, it is a bit different from poetry in that you might need re-phrasing, word elimination, etc. --Sometimes early on, you might find it difficult to part with your original ideas. It'll come eventually as you see how things unfold.
  15. I love the tension in this theme. I don't usually hang in the poets corner because I'm a lyricist/melodian, so, I see the potential of a song here. You've got great tension, which is admirable in a song (I know, its a poem, but I see through the lens of a lyricist). If it became a song, an apparent title might be, "Should I?" I would likely want the structure to be unstable which, if you're a poet, you may or may not know what that is--its about number of lines and rhyme scheme and how that can feed tension in a song. Have you any songwriting background?
  16. Killer ending!
  17. Just expressing my frustration at the fact that I don't post much of my music because my guitar skills are not up to snuff. I have two songs in particular that I have practiced and practiced on guitar to the exclusion of other songs I've done (falling behind with where I was with those) and to the exclusion of putting guitar to other songs hoping to get to the point that I can post something decently played, but to no avail...circumstances have affected these skills and I'm still not ready.
  18. Yeah, Rudi, did you find anything that works or helps? Got a guy who goes to my church. I feel bad for him. He has MS that causes lots of problems for him and now on top of that he has the shingles.
  19. I love the guitar picking intro and how the song varies in key places. However to me the bridge instruments have some sort of vibration irritation thing going on when introduced. I don't know alot about sound production, so hopefully someone who does can better identify what it is. There are a couple places I thought it would be really cool to use combined DEEP male voices for the backup just for isolated words (kinda like the voices do for "Teacher, Leave them kids alone" line in that Pink Floyd song. I think it would create a nice contrast to the high notes. Those particular words are: "Woke him up" and "to a spark" and have it be just spoken (or semi-yelled). I'd comment a bit more, but I'm being torn away----------.
  20. Yeah, I buy those yellow legal pads, so I don't bump my hand into the binding of a spiral ring notebook. But I also grab whatever's handy. I have scraps of songs, revised and re-revised lyrics with scribbles and scratches until I can't stand it anymore, then I write it neater on the legal pad. I like the portability and availability of the paper. I don't have a laptop and what a bugger to write lyrics on an ipod, so eventually, its entered on the computer (usually hogged by my husband). I usually print themost current version out and keep it in a three ring binder. I also start out on the computer typing songs if I've got a good chunk of time I know it will be mine, so I use both. I record my melody ideas on a handheld recorder and lately a little on my ipod--just melody ideas on my ipod though, not things I post. I keep some discard ideas/lyric lines in a folder, thinking I might use certain lines in other songs, but rare that I revisit them.
  21. Hey Leo, Its got a promising tone to it. The mood is definitely there! There's a bit of obscurity that lends to curiosity with the lyrics. It leaves the listener wanting for more detail--I think it works here to leave out the detail. I might consider calling it "Prep Talk" as it seems a commander preparing his troops for what lies ahead. "Prep" meaning short for preparation, sort of a play on pep talk, which here in the U.S. is intended to build up a team, sort of psych them up for the "big game". I'm curious how you came up with Tiger Balm, though, unless maybe its just a place holder name for identifying it from others in your records. A couple of things, minor--please don't think its a pick on your English, which is great for a second language, Worse, change to worst. man, change to men (the plural for man--you pronounce it correctly in the song--just needs to be changed on the lyric). Remain, change to remains. Lastly, the word bravely in English is two syllables-- brave (the "e" is silent/unheard. English is wierd/inconsistent, but generally, e on the end of a word is there to tell you how to say the preceding vowel, it usually means its spoken like the sound of its name, but the E on the end of a word makes no sound itself, like so: brav without the E (a nonsense word) would have the same A sound you hear in rat (what we call short a sound) brave with the E, in this case is a silent E, whose job it to tell you that the preceding vowel says it's name. (A as in Ape--What we call the long A sound). Pet without the E (an actual word this time) makes the short E sound (like in leg), but add an E onto that word and it becomes: Pete (a person's name)-- the E is silent, but it tells you that the preceding vowel, the E, makes the long E sound as in See. Bit without the E (an actual word) make the short I sound (like in tin) , but add and E onto that word and it becomes: Bite (ouch!) -- the E silent, but it tells you that the preceding vowel, I, makes the long I sound as in Ice. Mop without the E (an actual word) makes the short O sound (as in Dog), but add that E onto it and that word becomes: Mope (which is a behavior when someone is bored or pouting) -- The E is silent, but it tells you that the preceding vowel, O, makes the sound of its name as in rose, what we call Long O sound. I won't do U as it'll end up a long post. What you need to know after all this is that, NOT ALWAYS, and that NOT ALWAYS can mean so many different pronunciations. English is just a messed up language! How many other languages do you know of that have to have it as a subject schools where its the native tongue?! Crazy! Anyway, tons of the exceptions to the rule, a language that's a bit of a melting pot of other languages, but it is helpful to know that general rule (if you didn't already know it). Add an -ly to any of those words and I can see how it might confuse a non-native speaker. You do great! You could say, "We'll say you courageously fought" (taking out the word, "that"). It will end up the syllable count you need. Courageously is pronounce, Ku-ra-jus-lee (u as in up, a as in ape). Some might disagree with that Ku as dialect plays into it some.
  22. Hey Servus, just a suggestion that might help you with getting more of a response, when I entered this post, the extreme length overwhelmed me. My suggestion would be that you cut and past your preamble somewhere you can save it and present just your lyrics for the time being and pull from it should someone ask questions related to it. Of course, I'm on an iPod and a computer screen might be not as overwhelming--just try it and see if you get a better response. I will revisit this and provide what I can for feedback.
  23. The highway's callin' my name Yeah eh, it's callin' my name two thousand miles to go Gal, will I ever make it home? I'm making it home yeah, I'll be makin it , makin'it home In the wee hours of the mornin' I be wiping' my brow, yeah, yeah, wipin' my brow kerchief's hoppin' from my pocket as the sun gettin' hotter still, whoa that sun gettin' , Uh, hotter still Oh, uh, I'm makin' my way home, mmmm mmm I'm makin' my way home and so on... Blues are just too fun. I hope you don't mind if I process something out with this--play with it a little....It's my understanding that lots of blues (southern blues) is spontaneous lyrically coming back to a few select words of focus--more of a rumination than a full story so to speak--hence lots of repeats slightly rephrased--just an observation, I'm no expert--just an observer/experimenter. I'm supposing that by the intonation of lyrical dialect, you were thinking old time southern blues.
  24. I've noticed varying opinions when it comes to lyrics whether or not to elaborate with a backstory or whether to keep it vague for purposes of listeners identifying in their own vein. I agree sometimes that vague is too vague and needs something to solid it up a bit, but often, I find myself agreeing with obscurity--personal taste. I'm inconsistent--sometimes I like the obscurity and sometimes I think the support of detail is important for the flow of the song. I guess in order to identify the reasoning, I would need to revisit each individual song to explain why. I'm not going to do that, but I hope to ask myself WHY I feel one way or another from now on when I make comments regarding that. I don't know that I would even remember which songs I commented on in that manner. However, I did wonder...is it a personal taste thing or is there a method to deciding when a backstory is called for and when obscurity serves the song? I even wonder, do the purposes of stability and instability factor into that?
  25. If I were a musician more than a lyricist, I might do as you do, HoboSage, but I like words, ideas, and saying something effective. I love music, but as expressed in other posts, I wasn't brought up learning it and its a new experience for me. Don't take this as dismissing the music aspect of it at all. I am quite aware that the music can make or break the best of lyrics. I know through collaborating that the music can change the whole intent behind the lyrics and give it a completely different feel than what the writer intended, but I also know that music can breathe greater life and depth of emotion into the words and vice versa. I focus on the lyrical end because that's where my strength lies and my hope is to link up with musicians that find synergy with my lyrics to best express them together.