Respite
Entry posted by Donna
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-I wanted to show this entry, but in doing so such entries are posted as being the most recent.
'Respite' was originally written Jan 4, 2008 - chronologically it goes on page 4, right before the entry "Graduates!" which recounts Dylan and Kayla finishing high school early, after the New year of 2008; "Graduates!" begins with an...intervention (John calls it an edit) that I had requested John to do, on or around April 8, 2008, in order to communicate that I was in hiding with the children.
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Hi....
Truly, where does one start?
(Merry Christmas, Happy Nude er ah NEW Year, dear friends.)
So much has happened...continuing to live between great darkness and great light; have stalwart support, particularly several friends who do not let me go...am living in my oldest daughters' room since November...presently personna non grata w/ certain family members...am trying to stay close to each child...they're less fearful since Nov.
Have been providing a lot (God is doing that dear multiplying thing again), plus working my patootie major big time to keep this place in shape and these children are not into discipline... some OT book speaks of discipline initially being Chains around thee at first, you cannot stand its yoke, but here we are - to glean someday its lovely fruit.
Not only providing for these 6 here, but able to get food/misc money for Dylan; shopping big time as in searching, esp 2nd hand but also not, yea searching and finding exceptional deal/value - for this house and these girls(+ Damien). I'm talking lamps and canopy and fun hampers; cofee table, organizational things (ones not cheap and icky looking), fuzzy socks (hey man over 25.00 worth - SEVEN of us now have 3 pair each), truffle holders, good candles, Martha kitchen linens, steady supply of 65% choclate (wiff them crunchy beans in it), clothes for me, clothes for each child (Big D. included) a great little wardrobe 2nd hand (blonde wood and some carving), fix the stupid car tire, keep up on some bills, and buy real heavy whipping cream for the little bunnies. Plus a lot more. It's cause I began working an extra shift-and-a-half at a different shop.
I had the best time, my own Christmas shopping this year (he controls all the rest of the money), and Mass stipend, too. I got fired Dec. 21 from the 2nd job (at shift's end of course). This was an evening gig and all I could think was Wow Lord, you want me off nights - NOW. Finally I am off weekends and eves. Very exciting, they have (for example) a free children's building clinic on Saturdays and maybe even gilie girl Genevieve will build. Little D, M (9) and m (7) are way psyched. I'm taking m snow tubing alone in a couple weeks, she's the only one who I think won't be scared to.
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MIDNIGHT MASS
Can't 'member last time I sang. Showed up, Dr. K's belt was madly askew...shoes off, hands a-flailin' in directing us. Male scola (swoon), they chanted the propers of the Mass...and this schola leader looked like a little accountant, at first I thought the guy had a microphone! He projected so well, and his voice was vibrato-less and smooth and rich.
Heavenly...
Double heaven because this newer alto, operatically trained, was absent. No offense, but impossible to blend with. I-i-i-i- began-n-n-n feeling-g-g-g my 'brato-o-o-o was nothingnexttohers! I felt like a jack hammer after that one mass. And then, I had one Jim Mils standing right next to me. Did I ever know Jim was so good? He was freaking me out, he was SO GOOD!!! I think I knew previously, that he sang, but don't recall him being up there (however I am quite new).
And that nice chant leader, he liked what we did, we spoke briefly after Mass.
Can't recall, if I ever knew, what Mass we sang that night. I was just very happy. Dylan, Kayla (her 1st Mas), L (11) and m (7) were below, and my voice was just fine, after doing nothing for 8 weeks? 12? I mean nothing sustained, like the hour-plus a high Mass is.
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There's so much I wanto say to you all. And music I wanto play to you, so to speak - but it has to be recorded and/or written first! I think all my callouses are gone by now. I guess writing here is a dif. kind of music. I really do sense people supporting me, that helps so much. I need a lot of help right now because it's terrible, for one thing Dylan and ____ have mutually disowned one another, it's active you know, on each others' parts, and people are taking sides or trying to discern what is true and who can be trusted. Sigh.
Just, whatever may happen or not on this little page, know there's a damn good reason for it. Man your good will is really everything.
Steve: I miss the boards fearsome...no I haven't been able to read anything until this night, it's that bad. Thank you for reaching out! Marry Christmastide right back to ya.
-written from a friend's place, Jan 4, 2008
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