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goldylocks

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    Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    Ok this just spurted out. Guess who the girl is? Hope this qualifies? 

     

    Song Stuffers

     

    2 years ago I started on a long lost dream

    To learn to play guitar, write words that I could sing

    I came across song stuff and was given a guiding hand

    I hope my lyrics have improved

    I hope my lyrics are not bland

     

    Thank you song stuffers

    You have been my friends

    Thank you song stuffers

    The learning never ends

    Thank you song stuffers

    For being there for me

    Thank you song stuffers

    Thank you for helping me

     

    I've met so many people from around the world

    Names I cannot mention but one really did me proud

    We wrote a song together man it turned out good

    If I could only say her name

    She's knows I surely would

     

    She's a song stuffer

     

    Thank you song stuffers

    You have been my friends

    Thank you song stuffers

    The learning never ends

    Thank you song stuffers

    For being there for me

    Thank you song stuffers

    Thank you for helping me

    Could that be me? What a nice gesture, and an adorable song! Also a nice tribute to Songstuff!

     

     

    Sandy :luxhello:  :luxhello:  :luxhello:

    • Like 1

    Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    V

    I am just someone with lots of words to say ( I like your introduction verse)

    I write them down in lyric form

    Post them anyway, sit and wait

    It could take forever, maybe just a day

    I know my songstuff buddies

    Will tell me what they think

     

    B

    Honestly, honesty is what we get from them

    Some of our critics are now our songstuff friends 

     

    C

    Great minds think alike, not trying to pretend

    Where our voice may carry

    Some without amends

     

    V

    Never thought where this could lead

    Words written on a page

    Someday we hope to hear them on a full set stage

    All because of we took a step, became a little brave

    Perhaps we’ll hear them one day over air waves

     

    V

    Yesterday I heard someone say

    We’re gonna take our songstuff away

    I could not believe what I just heard, I pray 

    Say it isn’t so

    If it weren’t for posts on songstuff lord knows

    We’d have nowhere to show

     

    B

    C

     

    Forever and ever, ever Amen

    Jan what is your title of the song? Also, I think your chorus is not strong enough bringing your verses together. That's just my opinion of course...Maybe bring part of your bridge and chorus together like this suggestion or something like this.. Title suggestion Songstuff Friends.  Just trying to help, keep or sweep. 

     

    Chorus

    .

    Great minds think alike, not trying to pretend

    Honestly, honesty is what we get from them

    Some of our critics are now our Songstuff friends

     

     

    490546376_1091398.gif?4

     

    Goldy 

    • Like 2

    Challenge #44 Songstuff Must Die! (A Cunning Plot Hatcheth)

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    Challenge # 44  

     

     

     

    Songstuff You're the World to Me

     

    Verse:

     

    Give me an S, O, N, G, S, T, U, F, F

     Now what have you got everybody

    A place to write and express yourself

    And let your imagination run free

     

    Verse:

     

    From every country all over the world

    Songwriters, Lyricists write their songs

    Country, Rock, Blues, and Rap, Hip Hop

    Hoping a record contract will come along

     

     

    Chorus

     

    Songstuff You're the world to me

    I appreciate the people who critique 

    Giving their advice with just a tweak      

    A few simple words scribbled down

    Can have meaning and be profound

     

    Verse:

     

    Let's not forget the Songstuff starter

    Who oversees the writing forum every day

    Give the man from Scotland three cheers

    Shout out a loud,  Hip, Hip, Hip, Hooray! 

     

     Verse:

     

    Who would dare to close Songstuff down

    Will have a cyberspace war on their hands

    Voices would rise up in anger everywhere

    Every song writer would take a stand

     

    Chorus

     

    Songstuff You're the world to me

    I appreciate the people who critique 

    Giving their advice with just a tweak      

    A few simple words scribbled down

    Can have meaning and be profound

     

    ,Verse:

     

    So people keep on writing your songs

    Let the words and musical melodies flow

    Never give up on your writing dreams

    One day you might have your own show

    • Like 3

    Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    Hey Goldy, good job on the edit, my question is have they overcome what it was that caused the breakup and rage? What was the reason for the rage?

    Overall I like, might make it tighter with some explanation.

    jan

    Jan, I gave this explanation, which tells why they split. She was jealous of a girl that was a friend and she was insecure in herself with his love. She thought he was being unfaithful.

     

    female

     

    I know you told me that girl was just a friend
    I won't be jealous and fight with you like before
    I'll trust you and never shut our bedroom door
    We'll be lovers until the end of time
    I won't remember yesterday, it's the past
    I know your love is faithful and it'll last
     
    Goldy :luxhello:  :luxhello:
    • Like 2

    Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    This is what I have for this challenge, sorry I have been away so long.

     

    Challenge #43             JD Harris: Because I Fell in Love With You

     

    Female vocals:

    It used to be just me and you

    When we were young and our love new

    You promised me, would always be

    Right here

    No fear

     

    Somewhere that changed

    Got rearranged

    And all our dreams turned into rage

    We couldn’t turn one more page

    To see our dreams come true

     

    Where were you

    Where were you

     

    Male vocals:

    So many times I tried to speak

    Tell you I was weak

    I didn’t mean to hurt you in this way

    Could not behave

    Not very brave

     

    Then in all my mixed up mess

    I just lied, did not confess

    Thought I’d ignore it, go away

    Make it better any way, but

    You couldn’t stay

     

    It wasn’t you

    It wasn’t you

                   

    Both:

    Who’d have thought we’d be here today

    Face to face standing in this place

    So much time there in between

    From what we had, where we went wrong

    All our dreams still stand strong

    Yet unseen

     

    Couldn’t we

    Couldn’t we

     

    Male:

    I remember all that we once had

    Remember more good than bad, and

    Today I make this pledge I swear to you

    I’ll keep you safe with all I do

    Honor our love, keep it true

     

    I couldn’t live without you one more day

    Please stay

    What do you say?

     

     

     

    Do you feel it too?

     

    Female:

    I know it’s true, so much has changed

    But there’s one thing that still remains

    Deep in my heart not rearranged

    I feel it too, my love for you

    Always true and yes I do

                                                         

    Together:

    I will always everyday Love you

    Finally our dreams are coming true, all

    Because I fell in love with you

    ​Jan, I really like how you have this lyric tight and concise with wording. You say what you need to say with emotion. As I was reading it, I could actually see two people in love standing face to face trying to salvage their relationship.  I thought you did an excellent job!  It might need a tweak here and there, but that is totally up to you. I liked it the way it is.

     

     

    Goldy

     

    512681859_560870.gif?4 

    Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    This is the trimmed down Version # 2 Challenge #43

     

    I took a lot out, I think it sounds better, thanks for commenting Les, it's nice to be back!

     

    It's Going to Be a Long, Long Night

     

    .Verse

     

    Male

     

    I was hitching a ride out of town
    Feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself
    When you showed up in a pickup truck
    Opened up the door and told me to get in
    My heart fell to the floor when you smiled at me
    You grabbed my hand, then suddenly I could see 

     

    Chorus

     

    Male by himself

    It's going to be a long, long night 
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
    The way I used to do

    It's going to be a long, long night
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you

     

    Verse

    Male

     

    The other day you flew into a rage
    Threw our love away, and wouldn't calm down   
    Told me to leave, you didn't want me around 
    Now you say you want me back home again
    There is nothing in this world I want more
    Then you wearing your wedding ring like before
     

     

    Verse:

     

    female

     

    I know you told me that girl was just a friend  
    I won't be jealous and fight with you like before
    I'll trust you and never close our bedroom door
    We'll be lovers until the end of time
    I won't remember yesterday, it's the past
    I know your love is faithful and it'll last
     

     

    Verse:
     

    Female

     

    We can build that home in the country 
    You and I dreamed about under a blue, sky
    We'll live our lives just like the Fourth of July 
    Now, that I know that you feel the same way 
    When you said you'd came back home yesterday
    And that you missed me and wanted to stay
     

     

    Chorus

     

     Male and Female singing together

     

    It's going to be a long, long night 
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
    The way I used to do

    It's going to be a long, long night
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you

    Outra Chorus

     

    It's going  be a long, long night
    It's going be a long, long night

    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you 

    Repeat last two lines fading out

    • Like 2

    Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    Challenge #43

     

     

    It's Going to Be a Long, Long Night

     

    It's been awhile, thought I would give it shot.

     

    Verse

     

    Male

     

    I was hitching a ride on the road out of town
    Feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself
    When you showed up in our pickup truck
    Opened up the door and told me to get in
    My heart fell to the floor when you smiled at me
    You grabbed my hand, then suddenly I could see 

     

    Chorus

     

    Male by himself

    It's going to be a long, long night 
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
    The way I used to do

    It's going to be a long, long night
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you

     

    Verse

     

    Male

     

    The other day you walked out and flew into a rage
    Threw our marriage away like a rose fading on the ground
    Told me to pack up and leave, you didn't want me around 
    Now you say you want me to come back home again
    There is nothing in the world I could hope for more
    Then you wearing your gold wedding ring like before

     

    Verse:

     

    female

     

    I was wrong not to trust you and believe in your love

    If we are ever argue and get into a fight like before
    I'll never hurt you darling and close our bedroom door

    We'll be best friends and lovers until the end of time

    I won't remember the day we parted, it's in the past

    Cause I know your love is faithful and I know it'll last

     

    Verse:
     

    Female

     

    We can build that country home and have horses 
    You and I dreamed about under a blue, sunny sky
    We'll live our lives lit up, just like the Fourth of July 
    Now, that I know that you feel the same way as I do
    When you said you'd came back home the other day
    And said you missed me terribly and wanted to stay

     

    Chorus

     

     Male and Female singing together

     

    It's going to be a long, long night 
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
    The way I used to do

    It's going to be a long, long night
    It's going to be a long, long night
    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you

    Outra Chorus

     

    It's going  be a long, long night
    It's going be a long, long night

    Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
    When I make love to you 

    Repeat last two lines fading out

    Challenge #36 Betrayal

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    Sgtsoul, this is very well written! You can not only envision the misery the betrayed person has experienced but also feel the pain. I really like your bridge, a lot of raw emotion. Especially these lines. The whole song actually vibrates with emotion!

     

    The flames consume me waiting here to die 
    alone ….so my pain will go unspoken
    Take another piece from the heart that never learns
    Pour some gasoline onto the fire that still burns                                                       

     

     

    Nice Write!

     

    777604064_572234.gif?4

     

     

     

    Goldy

    Challenge # 36 Who Are These Betrayed Soldiers?

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    I think the challenge was meant to be about a personal betrayal, with raw emotion. I love the song, and the sentiment, (I've coounted many Vietnam vets and two Afghan vets as friends) I am not sure it is on topic with the challenge though.

    *"generic of events" your narrative is based on identifiable events

    * ""It's all about the open honesty and rawness of emotion man! Emotion, emotion, emotion! We want it to touch our soul and make it weep in beautiful but sad colours man. Man I'm hungry, any idea where I can get some munchables?""...the lyric tells a story, it asks some questions, it tells us we should remember them, it doesn;t really have any emotion in it though

    Nice to meet you Sgtsoul, and thank you for commenting on my lyric,.

     

    Thanks again

    Goldy

    Challenge # 36 Who Are These Betrayed Soldiers?

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    > I have tried to understand stressed and unstressed syllable, but I still find it confusing.

     

    I agree it can be confusing.

     

     

    Here is an example of the rhythm of the lines working:

     

    Mary had a little lamb

    whose fleece was white as snow

    and everywhere that Mary went

    the lambs were sure to go

     

     

    Here is an example of the rhythm of the lines NOT working:

     

     

    Mary had a little lamb

    whose fleece was white as snow

    and when she went to the supermarket downtown

    the lambs were sure to go

     

    Notice here how line 3 pulls you out of the rhythm of the phrase when saying this out loud.

     

    For more, you could read about Iambic pentameter

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iambic_pentameter

    Thanks James I will read about the information. I don't know if it will help cause I took that free Pat Pattison course and when he started on that I got very confused watching the videos. But thanks for the info.

     

    Goldy

    Challenge # 36 Who Are These Betrayed Soldiers?

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    For years I've seen them walking the streets
    Looking for handouts and something to eat
    Their gnarled fingers riffling garbage bins
    In shabby jackets with purple heart pins.

    Heroes who would not fall down to the enemy
    Soldiers of courage betrayed by society
    Wrestling horrific memories feverishly every night
    Battling nameless faces in a phantom fight

    Hiding in a storm of illusion a terrorized veteran
    Clutching a dripping liquor bottle in their hands
    Numbing the pain of people's glaring stares
    Knowing the life they have is going nowhere

    Who are these betrayed soldiers?
    Those sent to fight for you and me
    Standing against all odds
    Bound to serve their country
    Let us never forget how much it cost
    Let us never forget how much they lost
    Giving honor for armed services done
    To  brave men and women veterans

    Challenge 29 She's Our Sister, He's Our Brother

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted · Edited by goldylocks

    http://www.christianrelief.org/

     

     

     

     

    She's Our Sister, He's Our Brother

     

    Verse:

     

    Sister Susie's in the garbage

    Lookin' for something to eat

    Tired from life's battles 

    Can't stand on her feet

     

    Verse:

     

    Brother Michael's angry

    Coming home from war

    Hates every body 

    Can't fight it anymore

     

    Chorus:

     

    She's our sister, He's our brother

    Won't you reach out a hand?

    We can love one another

    If we take a stand

     

    She's our sister, He's our brother

    That's what I know

    Brother, Sister help us

    Please don't let them go

     

    Verse:

     

    Sister Mary has no family

    Makes money on the street

    Bruises cover her body

    Lives alone with defeat

     

    Verse:

     

    Brother John's a drinker 

    Lost his job and his home

    His wife and kids left him

    Now all he does is roam

     

     

    Bridge:

     

    Give Sister Susie

    Something to eat

    Help sister Mary

    Get off the street

    Teach Brother Michael

    How to forgive

    Give Brother John

    A place to live

     

    Chorus:

     

    She's our sister, He's our brother

    Won't you reach out a hand?

    We can love one another

    If we take a stand

     

    She's our sister, He's our brother

    That's what I know

    Brother, Sister help us

    Make our family grow

     

     

    719390578_977534.gif?4

    #29 The Great Robbery

    in Writing Challenges

    Posted

    James, I took a look at the site. I think it's wonderful that you composed that song. It teaches so much love and forgiveness for those who are desperate and make mistakes. A very cute song! I read the story too, and it suits it perfectly. Nice song!

     

     

    Goldy

     

     

    810988772_695335.gif?6

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