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bronzerebel
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Posts posted by bronzerebel
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Oh I get what you're saying. It would help.
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What do you mean by italics
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That's not what I meant by creativity. I meant through metaphors and format
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This is literally just me losing my mind under pressure. This is supposed to be read as if it's like a rap battle between the demon (representing people around me who don't think I can make it as a rapper), and the rebel (myself). I'm more just looking for critique on the creativity etc
Demon:
Rebel stop writing this shit down, your f*cking drunk off your ass
Who are the f*ck are these people? If you walked a straight line wouldn't you pass
Blink 182 playing in the back, turning gold into brass
Yeah kiss her on the lips, show her a little class
Yeah stick your middle finger up, yeah grab that bitches ass
Who the f*ck do you think you are?
Stop being a pussy and get your head outta the stars
Get your head outta the clouds, cuz we both know this rap shit isn't gunna take you too far
Rebel:
Too many scars for my own accord
So ghost, a motherf*ckers gettin' bodied without a corpse
If purity is all I really want then I don't know if I can take anymore
No this ain't a depression, just want a display for my cracks
Screamin' motherf*ck society but I'm just whack
Like "can this white boy really write rhymes on a rack?"
Put a pen in my hand like a Glock and see how many bars Iraq
So this rap shit isn't gunna take me too far or make any impact?
There's no room for a rebel in society, homie this is all I'm good at
Demon:
Good? Homie you're half decent
There's a whole list of rappers you couldn't compete with
Why can't you just be good at math or some shit?
Why can't you be like all your friends, why the f*ck do you gotta spit?
How much more whack can you get?
You think you can be the best?
You're just gunna keep taking it on the chin
Like a warrior without a heart going into a battle with all his sin
There's no fire in your eyes, no smokes building from within
You'll always be in last place, homie you ain't ever gunna win
No royalty for your kin, your future is too ominous
We both know that you'll get too noxious
Your negativity is too dominant, we both know all of your dreams are where your vomit is
Motherf*cker you're in the wrong stream of conciseness
Nigga you ain't ever gunna be a rapper, the golden hypothesis
Rebel:
You ain't ever seen a rebel like me, a motherf*cker about to prosper
Big horned, red eyes; bitch I'm a monster
Like a warrior going into battle for all his honour
A holy figure behind the curtain, making wine outta water
Too much heat on the mic, homie it's gettin' hotter
Yeah give me more weight, look at me go without a spotter
Who the f*ck do you think you are? All your negativity is a goner
Sold out shows and concerts
Following the path that isn't
ominous
Infinite royalty, nigga the bottom of the Lazarus is bottomless
Pill poppin' anxiety, bullshit coming outta my esophagus
Too much confidence
I'm gunna f*ck up the world and that shit ain't even gunna be monogamous
The only rebel too ever spit real shit, now how's that for a golden hypothesis
Demon:
Nigga you just whack, you can't handle a full blown lyrical attack...
Rebel:
Nah shut your lips before I fill them with a dick
If I can't spit then why the f*ck are you starting your verse with an opening line that's shit?
Maybe you're inadequate, f*ck your hypothesis
Maybe I will get noxious, maybe I will get a little too much anxiety
Maybe I will run outta metaphors too get me notoriety
Maybe I won't be the best, shit I just wanna be able too say that I did what I loved when I'm 90
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Thanks, I really appreciate it man
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Haha good point. Thanks for the feedback man
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Thanks for the feedback man
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Can you honestly tell me that you matched the exact rhythm of the actual song
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Yeah I probably am biased toward just rap haha But I'm trying too ease into other genres like The Weeknd etc I also like how yours open minded toward all genres man, I've come across some people on here who are narrow minded so I can get kinda defensive haha
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I respect your opinion man. But my in my humble opinion without trying too sound arrogant or anything, I think your wrong but right too a certain degree.
For someone too say that if a rapper like eminem raps in a certain form then why can't they do the same is invalid. Em is an amazing rapper that's never going to get imitated, yes they're is rappers who can rap similar but no one can imitate that. Nor can any rapper imitate anyone else's style too the extent that you're saying.
For example this is a verse from Chance the Rapper who is an amazing talent
And what's good evil?
And what's good gangstas?
And what's good people?
And whys God's phone die every time that I call on Him?
If his son had a Twitter wonder if I would follow him
Swallow them synonyms like cinnamon Cinnabon
Keep all them sentiments down to a minimum
Studious Gluteus Maxim models is sending him
Pics of they genitalia tallied up ten of em
I slurped too many pain-kills, downing em off a lot
I got a lot off days but it ain't often that I'm off the clock
Ya'know I mean?
I got the Chicago Blues
We invented rock before the Stones got through
We just aiming back cause the cops shot you
Buck buck bang bang, yelling "f*ck Fox News!"
Booyaka buckle up, mothaf*ck ops too
Ain't no knuckling up em young cause it just not cool
This verse follows the same scheme throughout it and it can still be interpreted in many ways. But it's still amazing lyricism and sounds even amazing. I can't stress enough in how format in hip hop is possible, BUT ALL RAPPERS ARE DIFFERENT. Some styles just are different
Yes rap is like any other genre that follows rytthms and patterns but from someone who's been listening and studying it for a long time I can say that it's just different. Singing a song and rapping are unparrelel, in my opinion. When I read a standard song I can't pick up on rhythm. When I read rap I can.
I guess all that I'm saying is that your opinion is very bias toward someone who is geared toward what I'm assuming isn't rap music. I may be wrong. Maybe you're a huge rap fan.
Writing lyrics can't be perfected, but they can be improved through time. Just like singing it's about finding your sound and rhythm. Hip hop is the purest form of music that can truely make the reader/listener feel how the writer felt in that exact moment (again in my opinion).
It's so much easier too do research and anylyze lyrics then to experience the difficulty and how disinteresting it can be too write outside of your style. But then again we could both probably be wrong because we write from different genres and are going to how different views on things
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Written too the speed of this track and beat https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nFE7rSaVM1Q
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That is of that's what you're saying
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I think you could apply that kind of logic too any genre of music. How can you really know what a song sounds like unless you've heard the rythym it follows? If that logic were followed this whole site would be useless because why would anyone bother? The purpose of someone like my self posting on here is for critique, you don't need to hear something too critique it
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This one doesn't have a lot of metaphors and shit. This was more just flowing off of how I was feeling at the time - rebel
Scribbled down verses falling from the sky like there's a high rate of suicide
Stone face, no expression like when a mime cries
Holy coffin like when a reverend dies, scars all over his face
The world is mine cuz I'm so Al Pacino in this race
I'm tying myself down to the moon just in case cuz I'm outta this world that I'm like the king of space
Mask-less like a mask-less masquerade
Too much exposure so I think I'm gunna fade...away, or maybe I'm gunna cave
Green with envy a motherf*ckers hearts so jade
Cracked glass under my feet today
Man I just gotta get away
Away from all these expectations to be greater
Following my own path, momma telling me that I'm not gunna a failure
But what happens if I fail her?
Like a movie full of hype without a trailer
Bombing in its first weeks release not gettin' another favour
The definition of a rebel not living up too society, walkin' in line but I'm doing it defiantly
Saying it's for myself but in reality it's really the root of my anxiety
A path with no sobriety, I wanna pour out my emotion but instead I'll just keep it all inside of me
Bow down to the almighty, listening too Able scream
Like "Is this another kid just pouring his future down the drain along with his make believe and peroxide dreams?"
Maybe he's just a profit who hasn't found his path fighting another battle too get up stream
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Oh I see if I just end a line with something like "This drinks got me slippin'" , the use of the word "slippin'" instead of "slipping" usually means like an almost smoother or quicker use of the word. Know what I mean?
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Both are important but your bar count is really what dictates whether or not you sound on beat. So I guess it's like other forms of writing
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I mean the only mainstream rappers we really have are Macklemore and Drake, and they don't even let you experience the real nitty gritty shit. If you wanna hear what I love about rap go listen to some Chance the Rapper or even some Danny Brown. But to reiterate If anythings going to keep this art form alive it's more creative up an coming artists as well people venturing from their usual interests
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How so?
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Yeah I was honestly trying too piece shit together on this one. Big mistake
Did you lose the rhythm around "She said please turn on the lights, cuz you're getting a little too dark" ?
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I get where you're coming from. Over the past lets just say 10 years rap has been often viewed almost as if it's a dieing art. But in my opinion as a hip hop fan this is the most exiting, creative period for it. We have rappers like Drake, Chance the Rapper, A$AP, Tyler, Earl. In addition too older more "refined" rappers like Eminem and Jay Z. Since the Biggie and PAC days we've evolved from "bitches and hoes" too emcees actually spitting about real world shit. I'm happy with the era of rap that I'm surrounded by and I'm more than exited too see how much further it can be taken. And as long as you're willing to keep an open ear to new artists etc, you'll be able to stay enticed no matter how old this form of music gets
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I never meant that a song can't have structure like verse - bridge - hook etc. I meant that it's usually just the choice of the writer to do so
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Haha ok thanks man
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It's no secret that songstuff is geared more toward a traditional singer/songwriter. But there are some emcees (rappers), on here that do look for some critiquing on their verses etc. JustSoulin recently pointed out to me that it can be difficult for someone who doesn't just write rap to critique it. So here's a guide to do so, hopefully some of you are interested !
First off if you're critiquing rap don't look at it with a certain song structure in mind. Look at it as poetry, but just with way more complexity. Most emcees will deny that it's poetry, but that's the easiest way too look at it.
Most emcees don't write songs with a hook all at one time, the only time that'll usually happen is if they already have a beat to write too. Hence why it's rare too see more than just a verse uploaded. Rappers won't absorb or even pay attention to any comments regarding the use of certain words in certain places. It may come off as brash or bold, but it's the reality. The reason being that when someone spits (raps), they follow a certain speed of flow in order too keep their bars on track too stay with a beat.
A rapper is just looking for someone too critique the quality of their metaphors, how good it reads, and how successfully they get their message across too the reader/ listener! Rap has no specific structure, I can't stress that enough!
Now regarding how words can be used ending a sentence etc. For example the word "maternity" is usually used as a noun, not as an adjective too describe something.
If I were too say for example, "A bright future turned into maternity", the word maternity can be used in the same context as if I said "A bright future turned into a pregnancy". Also as mentioned as before this is just like poetry. So a various amount of poetic devices and forms can be used in one verse.
For example if I were too say, "This girl ain't average, no this bitch is different
She'll pull the strings on your heart then make you feel indifferent"
The use of the word "different" with just a different prefix can get sound better when being rapped than a more complex word
I can get deeper in semantics but the most important things to reiterate when reading and critiquing rap are metaphors, how smoothly it reads, and how effective the overall message of the verse gets across
Ignore how you would use certain words and how you view how something should've been written. Because every emcee views these thing differently regarding their flow, sound, or just overall tempo of a beat. And lastly just enjoy reading rap lyrics like you would enjoy any other genre.
Thank for reading,
Rebel
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She said I eat pussy like a poet but really shes the shit and she's never gunna know it
I kinda like her, I might even love her for the moment
Real words from the heart but they'll stay unspoken
Cuz homie I've been there before and it never ends with any balance
X's and O's after we talk, four play is just a challenge
I kinda like her as a side chick, like she just cleansing my pallet
But if this is an election for my heart this might be a fixed ballot
Lost in a wonderland, but she ain't no Alice
No stars on her helmet, the furthest thing from Dallas
Uh
I've waitin' all my life, drownin' all my life
Looking for a good girl too give me air all my life
If it wasn't for my disguise, the mirror I'd despise
Rebel buried inside, heartless motherf*cker by design
But she so divine that I don't know if Imma make it through the night
She's gunna eat me alive
A heart I can't deny, nothing but a stained poet falling apart
She said please turn on the lights, cuz you're getting a little too dark
She askin' for one strike, just so she can feel a spark
Lost in the dark, cuz we're scared of the bright eyes and monsters
Seeing me from a different view, looking at me like I'm an imposter
Asking the price to get me back like what's it gunna cost her
Minds gone she can't foster, making the wrong choice like she don't got it figured out yet
Acting like I'm her set of morales, like I'm something she can't forget
I ain't shit, girl please find a new outlet
My mind ain't got no light, you ain't ever gunna find a sunset
This is the me you never met, long gone I'm all that's left
Don't follow me cuz I'm leaving the nest, a rebel isn't blessed
Do you really wanna give up your sunsets just so the fire can collect?
So just close your eyes one time, cuz I don't want you to see me take all these rounds to the chest
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Thanks I really appreciate all the feedback homie