Timbre

November 13, 2022

Private Dancer - Tina Turner

September 6, 2019

I'm embracing the idea that it's never too late respond to a challenge. I got stuck pretty soon after starting this challenge many months ago. The progression of choruses and the first verse came to me in that first week but then I couldn't get any further, so I sat with it for quite a while. The other submissions that trickled in over the months really helped me to return to it again and again. I always learn something from the challenges, either by joining or observing. Grateful for that.

My submission is based on the biblical story of Noah and the flood. I used the story as a metaphor for falling into addiction, and calling on a higher power for help and the desire to start over.

The Storm

V1

It started out as rain

Enough to wash away the pain

But you can’t control the clouds

And it keeps on pouring down

Now the land has turned to sea

And this storm is chasing me

Ch

I want to do what Noah did

Put my faith in All there is

Let this vessel carry me

Across the angry sea

Please carry me

V2

At the mercy of the wind

Where I’m going, where I’ve been

Could be a thousand miles away

It’s hard for me to say

I’ve got to look beyond the score

If I want to reach shore

Ch2

I want to feel what Noah found

When he put his feet on solid ground

Is there still a seed

Of this life inside of me

If I dig down deep

Bridge

The sun can’t pierce these clouds

That I'm carrying around

I’ve got to put them down

Ch3

I want to learn what Noah knew

From starting over two by two

I’ll start with two days in a row

Then pray for two days more

‘Til I can face the storm

‘Til I embrace the storm

April 4, 2019

In reading the Wile-E Coyote lyrics I didn't get a strong sense of a storyline, but rather cautionary examples of what not to do. I think it can still work as John noted, but more narrative and less direct instruction would strengthen the lyrics overall.

Where I'm getting stuck is in trying to develop a full story arc with a beginning, middle, and end. As of today I now have a hook "The Storm" which I am using as a metaphor for addiction. The story of Noah and the Ark is what I am referencing for starting over, finding firm ground, and moving on with all that you really need. Plan to come back to it this evening and will be thinking about emotive language. Always a good reminder. ~T

April 4, 2019

I'm trying! A little stuck on the progression of my story line, but inching closer. Any comments you have about Pachisme's submissions (2 is impressive!) might help me move forward.

~T

March 23, 2019

Telling a story using a well known story is a great challenge, I’m trying to write a story song about starting over using Noah and the flood as my reference. It’s going veeery slowly. ~T

August 20, 2018

Funny--no circuitous logic going on! I was responding to what I thought was the post immediately before mine, but my post was published after something that was unconnected and then the next post just picked up where I left off. I've seen that happen a few times where there doesn't appear to be a connection between posts and it ends up that thread was broken because of some glitch or delay in posting. Now there is a connection that comes to mind, but this isn't the explicit posting section :) ~T

August 18, 2018

Natural Woman -- Queen of Soul

April 30, 2018

Goodbye In Her Eyes - Zac Brown Band

April 15, 2018

Ooh! Nice nuance there.

Ain't That a Kick in the Head - Dean Martin

March 22, 2018

Aye Calypso - John Denver

December 9, 2017

Sorry, Tom.

Don Henley title was supposed to be Last Worthless Evening, not lonely. But loser still works with worthless.

December 9, 2017

Last Lonely Evening - Don Henley

October 18, 2017

Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Leppard

June 26, 2017

No worries! It could just as easily have been a set of lyrics that Les and I collaborated on where both our names appear in the by lines. We've done a couple of fun collaborations for the challenges and some critiques get directed at him and some at me. It's all good. -Lisa

June 26, 2017

2 hours ago, Pahchisme Plaid said:

14 hours ago, Ray888 said:

Hey Pahchisme Plaid I'm laughing because I was a year late answering this lyric post which Skin (Les) wrote. I must have been confused lol but I seem to have also confused you because you have addressed your feedback to me instead of LES.

Laughing is good! I love to laugh! Yes, I got all mixed up thinking you were the poster of the song and EVENTUALLY I caught on, but didn't have the chance to reply, so all the above was meant for @Skin, though I'm sure is irrelevant now due to timing, but I knew you were fairly new here, so when I thought YOU wrote the song, figured it was recent. Doesn't take much to confuse me! lol!

And just to add another layer of confusion, Les didn't post the lyrics, I did! I think the glitch is that Les's critique is the first critique on the 2nd page of critiques for this challenge. Easy to miss that there's a first page to this thread with more discussion of these lyrics and others. I'd say it's a sign of a healthy critique forum when there's enough traffic to get lost in !!

June 24, 2017

Signed Sealed Delivered (I'm Yours) / Stevie Wonder

June 22, 2017

Yep. I thought you might have just missed the challenge date, but its all good. The challenge vibe around here is that it's more about the challenge than the date. It just helps to stay closer to current challenge period if you want to get more feedback/discussion. We are currently on Challenge #7 for 2017 -- The Protest Song. Just a couple drafts submitted so far. Would love to get your feedback on my post there if you have time.

I'll dig up that revision and repost soon. ~T

June 22, 2017

Hi, Ray.

I didn't recognize this post at first because this lyric has undergone so many revisions off-site since I first posted it last summer! Thanks for weighing in. After some tweaks to the chorus the hook/title was changed to "Breathing You In" and the bridge was deleted altogether. Can't access the full revision right now but it fit your critique in many respects. Appreciate the read.

~T

July 28, 2016

Hi, JH.

Glad you liked our write. It was a great experience. The "route" rhyme is a good idea. Excellent point about the pronunciation--I had to say it out loud a few times to figure out what pronunciation I tend to use , so its worth giving some more consideration.

~T

July 24, 2016

Old News

By Skin (Les) and Timbre (Lisa)

Les invited me to collaborate on this challenge, so we wrote these lyrics over the past week. The central idea is that a guy finds out his relationship is over by seeing his girl in the newspaper and on tv with another guy. Critique away!

Intro

The headline said

You’ve found new love

I’m old news

And I’m the last to know

Verse 1

You chased fame and fortune

I was your biggest fan

But now that you’ve made it

I’m not in your plans

The picture was hazy

But the words, crystal clear

Our love ended on the front page

I was the last to hear

Chorus

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

I never dreamed

You'd leave me

Now I'm old news

In your new reality

I'm old news

Verse 2

All our years together

Left a shadow of a doubt

Are we really over

Or can we turn this thing around/about (toss up between near or exact rhyme)

The answer to my questions

Is staring back at me

You’re hand in hand with someone else

On my TV screen

Chorus

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

I never dreamed

You'd leave me

Now I'm old news

In your new reality

I'm old news

Bridge

At first you hurt my pride

Really mixed me up inside

Now I've come to realize

I love this life you left behind

Chorus 2

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

I never dreamed

You could be

Old news

In my new reality

You're old news

Outro

The headline said

You’ve found new love

I’m old news

And I’m the last to know

July 20, 2016

That could work. I settled on trying to capture his current realization of what a mess he'd made of things to fit the challenge requirement that the lyrics be conversational as if talking to someone. So the verses reflect him talking to his ex and the chorus is him talking to himself. Both both could definitely be tweaked to past tense as if he's telling his story to an audience. Thanks for the read!

~T

July 19, 2016

I agree that "another yesterday" is a keeper; just needs verses and chorus to back it up some more. This tweak in the chorus does make it stronger, but could use more tie-in with the title/hook. You might do this with contrasting yesterday with today like this, for example:

So you'll throw away today

To live another yesterday

~T

July 19, 2016

On 7/17/2016 at 7:07 PM, Richard Tracey said:

Another Yesterday

You dream of tomorrow

But live for yesterday

It's a world away

Your heart is lying

Gave up on trying

A faith is dying

I know that you see it

It's not a secret

Don't try to keep it

The winds are changing

A life so fleeting

A dream repeating

And all of the things we've done

A life that was full of fun

You gave it all away

To live for another yesterday

The promise you're making

It's not for breaking

A dream awaking

What is this feeling

It has no meaning

A life you're stealing

And all of the things we've done

A life that was full of fun

You gave it all away

To live for another yesterday

Richard,

Lots of good stuff going on with this both structurally and lyrically. Using triplets for the verses was a nice change from the usual. And you have some great individual lines and rhymes. For me, each triplet seemed to stand on its own rather than connect up with the others and I was wanting some resolution in cadence, maybe with couplets between each triplet. I also felt like the idea of "another yesterday" didn't invoke a breakup as strongly as it could. It makes sense that wanting to live in the past would get in the way of the relationship and lead to a breakup, but this great hook idea could have been developed more in the verses.

The chorus language was very straightforward and didn't have quite the flair of the verses, so you might consider tweaking the chorus a bit to have a similar style. For example the line "a life that was full of fun" seemed a departure from lines like "a dream awaking". Keep or sweep as you see fit.

Enjoyed it!

~T

July 17, 2016

8 hours ago, Nightwolf said:

Waitin' for the phone to ring

Every Day I die

just a little

Just waitin' for the phone to ring

Waitin' on a word from my baby

And I still haven't heard a thing

I think my baby lost my number

Or she would have called by now

I think my baby lost my number

But I can't see how

For five long years now people

It was her number too

If I thought she wasn't gonna call

I don't know what I'd do

I get so lonely

Yeah, yes it's true

Waitin' for a call from you

Every Day I die just a little

Just waitin' for the phone to ring

Waitin' for word from my baby

And I still haven't heard a thing

Not a thing

I really like this. Great blues feel in both topic and structure. I would actually take the hook in an even more ambiguous direction that has more applicability. What about "Waitin' on You" would add some slang which is very much the blues. That could lend itself to additional verses like John suggested. I like the idea of waiting for the phone to ring and wondering how she lost the number, but you could also add a verse about waiting for her to come home and wondering how she lost her way. The 5 long years line would work with this too.

~T

July 17, 2016

The End of My Last Chance

Verse 1

I thought I’d have more time

To make our brand new start

But I waited too long

To take care of your heart

You tell me to move on

But I don’t see how I can

I’m a fool who missed the end of my last chance

Verse 2

I missed all the signs

That the end was near

You didn’t make demands

And you cried no more tears

I finally crossed your line

Written in the sand

I’m a fool who missed the end of my last chance

Chorus

What kind of man holds the world in his hands

Then lets it all go on a whim

Who turns his back on the love of a lifetime

To chase just one night of sin

And what do I see staring back in the mirror

When I get up the nerve to glance

Just a fool who missed the end of my last chance

Verse 3

I know that I was blind

Now you’re all that I can see

And your eyes are telling mine

You’re all but done with me

It’s finally sinking in

And it’s more than I can stand

I’m just a fool who missed the end of my last chance

Chorus

What kind of man holds the world in his hands

Then lets it all go on a whim

Who turns his back on the love of a lifetime

To chase just one night of sin

And what do I see staring back in the mirror

When I get up the nerve to glance

Just a fool who missed the end of my last chance

Repeat Chorus

Sign In

Profiles

Forums

Events

Blogs

Gallery

FAQ

Interviews

Featured Artist

Featured Lyricist

Radio Contacts

Showcase

Downloads

Store

Posts posted by Timbre

Who's Online 1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 28 Guests (See full list)

Important Information