SoulHuntah

Yeah dude I know I should expand my rhyme scheme and vocabulary. I'll work on it eventually. Haven't really been writing a lot recently, just been sorta going out and gathering inspiration. Good point about challenging myself too. Cheers for the advice!

Thanks. Yeah I haven't been using hooks in my rhymes. It's something I just never thought of or keep on forgetting. I'll get in the habit of adding hooks and I think it should improve the lyrics. Thanks for reminding me! I also appreciate the feedback so I'll check out some of your stuff when I find time again. Peace, Soul

I was a young and happy kid Always so friendly and kind But I changed because of what people did Still I'm kindhearted you'll find If you meet me at the right time I came here innocent and good But life taught me things are not the way they seem Evil people robbed me of my happy mood It was all too good to be true But none of that matters now I'll forgive them anyhow Holding grudges is pointless It'll only make you feel worthless So now I need to say what's right These might be the last rhymes I'll ever f*cking write Made too many bad choices in life And now I might be going under the knife Yesterday might have been the last good night of my life I'm starting to pass out Would like to write more without a doubt Got lots more to say Hopefully I will one day God I'm not angry with you I know you know this to be true And maybe soon I will be with you This is it for now I'm thankful for my life Hope I survive this somehow Maybe one day I'll even find a wife

Yeah I had the exact same feeling about those lines. Will be changing them. Cheers for the feedback and advice!

f*ck school I like valium and coke Keep drinking vodka until I choke Feels like Im at the end of my rope But the party must go on non stop Cops arrive with guns and and I pull out my glock Cant fire a shot before my bodys filled with lead Boom surprise motherfker you‘re dead Get carried away in a body bag Well I still dont give a damn Somehow get revived in the morgue Holes in my body my soul is torn Wake up inside the body bag and begin to scream What the f*ck is this is it a dream The coroner freaks out and begins to shout And Im just like motherf*cker let me out! Cant be sure though is it real or is it hell? I was sure I died when I got shot and fell Was it divine intervention or just a figment of my imagination Just like these rhymes here Maybe I‘ll have another beer Words just spill out of my mouth for fun Just like a hoe choking and spitting out cum But here I am nearing the end of my run Shit where the f*ck is my gun Please God forgive me my sins If you wont then f*ck it you win I‘ll just have another sip of gin This is it the rhymes may be done But that dont mean theres no more fun I may die but my words aint gone https://soundcloud.com/soulhuntah/life-in-a-body-bag

Glad you liked this structure better. I'll try to keep my future lyrics in a similar structure and make sure each verse brings something new to the song. Hm no I don't think I've seen the lyric challenge yet. I'll check it out when I have more time.

Glad you managed to post some feedback without troubles this time! Yep this one is a rap as well although I've tried singing it slightly differently from rap but my friends told me rapping fits me better and I think I agree. And yes you're quite right it is rather short. Most of my lyrics are born spontaneously and in a matter of minutes to hours. Sometimes I'm chatting with someone on facebook and suddenly feel that simple words can no longer express what I feel so I start writing in rhymes and see where it takes me. As a result it sometimes means that the lyrics will be kind of short and some are just thoughts at a specific moment and later on I might not feel like adding more to the lyrics and this leaves me with a lot of incomplete works. On the other hand when I'm feeling quite strongly about something I really will take the time to write down the lyrics and end up with a decent length song. This is actually pretty much the only reason I write - when I'm feeling deeply emotional about something. Feelings of pain, anger, sadness, resentment, regret, happiness and hope all drive me forward in writing lyrics. I can of course just sit down and start writing at any given moment but then it feels somehow "forced"? I hope that makes sense. So yeah I prefer to take advantage of an emotional moment and be inspired to turn those feelings into words. Another thing you said was that you listened to a 50 second song of mine when there was enough lyrics for a 3 minute song. And well, you're pretty much right. The words sometimes fly past so fast that I myself am amazed. And maybe I have tendency to rap fast but then again it is that kind of genre of music where the words just fly past. This certainly does make things harder for me but still I am quite certain I will stick to rapping. It just somehow feels right for me. Although every now and then I try different genres for the sake of experimentation and learning. I've also been experimenting with slower rap beats and realized I don't have to rap as fast as I sometimes do while still conveying the same message across. The rhyming dictionary will definitely come in handy as well. I've used http://www.rhymezone.com a couple of times when I really couldn't think of a word to rhyme with. Another thing this site has taught me is that I don't structure my songs. When I look at other peoples works they all usually have a chorus/hook, bridge and so on. I'm thinking I should start doing the same with my lyrics to make them more structured. And yeah cutting down on clutter words is also a good idea. Interesting words instead of useless words. I agree with your last paragraph as well. Ego really is the trap. A rather difficult trap to deal with but it's definitely not impossible. And damn man you said "A critique isn't attacking that truth, only how it was expressed, the technique." I really couldn't agree more. I know there's lots of room for improvement and I'm hoping practice and this site will help me achieve that. Thanks dude, for taking the time to provide your advice and feedback. I really appreciate it! All the best to you sir Soul

Aw that's a shame when critiques disappear. Some feedback would always be nice The rhyming dictionary could be useful though. Thanks man! Soul

Oh alright thanks for letting me know! I'll be sure to check out all the other forums as well. I've also been enjoying the forums quite a lot. I dig the whole joy of giving thing so I quite like critiquing peoples works and trying to help them and just participating in general. It's been fun and I've also learned a few things here and there. I think I'll be hanging around the forums for quite a while ^ ^ Soul

I gave the beat a listen and yeah I get what you mean now. And yeah the sudden change of tone makes sense too now if you also only realized the meaning of the hook then. Not much else to say here. You did good! Keep on writing and you'll improve yourself further ^ ^ Soul

Not bad, not bad at all. I definitely like the whole idea and themes in this song. Feelings of betrayal and being deceived by a woman. Being hurt by love - it all feels quite emotional and deep. Only the ending came as a real surprise to me. I really thought this song was about a guy being ditched by a girl. Really didn't expect that she'd gotten shot it almost felt a bit too dramatic. Still good lyrics and I really like some vibes I got from this song. Anyway here are some typos you made or some things I'd write differently so it sounds better: On line 6 did you really mean "staring" cause "starting" fits a lot better, was that a typo? A small thing but "After all these times you'd think I grown" I'd write as "After all these times you'd think I'd grown" Then "She pull and push me like a door" grammatically correct would be "She pulls and pushes me like a door". But if you wanted the song to sound more smooth or the line to be shorter then I guess using "pull" and "push" isn't such a big deal. Then "Loves her weapon" I would write as "Love is her weapon" or at least "Love's her weapon" to make the message more clear. "Louis Vuitton, she's soaked in blood she wear" - grammatically correct would be "wore" instead of "wear", if I understood the song correctly. Might have to change the rhyming there. "The boy miss her and now wish they would talk" - I would write as "The boy misses her and now wishes they would talk", it's grammatically correct and actually sounds a lot better in my opinion. All in all these were some nice lyrics and I really enjoyed rapping them out loud. Good job! Soul

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback (:

Good stuff! It's deep and feels personal. Even made me think back to my own (lost) (love) life. Really feels like you put some emotion into this. Keep up the good work! Soul

Thank you! Yeah I'm feeling better thanks for asking (: hope you guys are doing great too. Yeh I hope I'll have a good time here, seems like a nice community. I'm kinda new to this forum stuff so it'll take time but should be fine. All the best Soul

Yeah I suppose you're right. I definitely don't want that kind of reputation for myself. Could you elaborate on what you mean by "someone like yourself" though? I didn't think about the board hog thing at all before but yep I see where you're coming from. Well I guess the least I could do to make up for this is do a lot of good critiques? This is and has been my plan since the beginning I do want to learn to analyze and critique better. I've only had time to do one so far though but it was quite thorough in my own opinion. I won't have much time to critique tonight like I said but I will do em I promise, probably tomorrow. Anyway thanks for letting me know about this issue and I hope we can figure it out. Soul