JH Michaels

This is a very good write, Timbre....(I didn't read the previous comments since I'm so behind in responding so I hope I don't pile on) The first spot is V2 third and fourth lines.....it should be more clear who's friendship died.....just a bit confusing there. I really like "trying to climb over the wall she left behind" It gives me a good visual and a sense of frustration. In v3 I'm not sure that forgive is the right path to take....something that might lead him to move on, maybe he will never be able to forgive, but will be able to move on if that makes any sense. I like the chorus line "and hearts keep breaking 'til they open" I was so proud of myself because I got it on the first go 'round. sometimes it takes one heck of a lot breaking to open a closed heart....it fits in with the hook and title imo. overall I think this is a very good song.

After hearing some of your work (the not-so-love songs), I see where this fits with your style. The only nits I have in the lyrics are all the "now's" in V2 and V1 and V2 feel so different in construction and meter as I read them. Not having heard the actual song, I can't readily see how they work together. To me, imho, it feels more natural to drop the now in the first four lines of v2. I like the chorus and bridge, they work very well for me........ Ok so I googled it......and listened to how it's put together and I still feel the same about the lyrics....I do like how v2 transitions to the chorus there and think that would have worked really well for v1 as well. just my 2 cents. it's still a very good song.

thanks for the read Timbre.....you are right she gets the original version whenever she's there to listen. And I do have her gracious permission to change some things if necessary for general consumption. I see what you are getting at with focusing on home and how powerful that really is ....I'll try it that way and see how it feels. It's always nice to get another perspective with songs because others see or hear things one becomes deaf to hearing or glosses over as the lyrics are read for the thousandth time.

Ugh! Taskmaster! How can I create under this kind of pressure! I am an artiste!

Ok, here we go....I feel like I'm stepping into the heavy weight ring with David and timbre...lol. Here's my deep deep love song....It's one I wrote a while ago for my wife trying to let her know what she's meant to me over the years. Thanks for reading and any comments. That’s Where The Love Is Copyright 2016 JH Michaels Verse: I was called away To some strange foreign land For endless nights and fearful days God, I needed to hold your hand At last the time finally came And my tour was done I would never be the same But the hurt eases with your love Chorus: That’s where the love is No matter where I go That’s where the love is Right there at home Verse: Even now I have to fly To some town I don’t even know I’m not out with the other guys I’m in my room all alone The first thing I need to do Is to call you on the phone Hearing your voice, I see you And feel the love I’ve always known Chorus: That’s where the love is No matter where I go That’s where the love is Right there at home Bridge: Even after so many miles I keep holding your smiles And it pulls me through Just thinking of you There at home With a heart so warm Chorus x 2: That’s where the love is No matter where I go That’s where the love is Right there at home End

Esquire, Interesting take on the pick-up....In my head I'm hearing a gritty blues tune....but there ain't no lovin' here in a love song challenge.

Hi AJ I think it could be a good tune but for me it's a tad to wordy. I have to agree with Les that some editing would help. Try to make your lines more dynamic. when you start a line with something soft like "cause" ( I'm guilty of that too) , "but", or something wordy like "you must know my heart ....." it seems to detract from the message. Say what you feel....like "My heart belongs to you." it's simple, much more powerful, and gets the point across without much mucking about in excess verbiage. Maybe think of it this way...you are trying to tell someone what is inside you and not what they may or may not know. Just some thoughts.

Hi Les, I finally read through your new version and I like where you are going with it. I particularly like the bridge....right on! I feel like I need a sense of history in the lyrics, like how you met...what circumstance led you to get together? Was it a moment when you locked eyes that was only a second but stretched to eternity.....or a moment when you had courage and stepped in to help when no one else cared or was hostile. Or simply she was the neighbor girl that you weren't supposed to know because she was "one of them" It's obvious in the lyrics that there are some strong emotions there....but for me, I want a story Uncle Les! lol. And I think it would give the song more direction.

Hi Timbre, Firstly, I like verses one and two and I think are both nice sentiments and project, to my mind, happiness and well-being at being with the right person. The third verse.....eek! My first thought was that both were jumping off a bridge in a mutual suicide. I really didn't feel the falling in love aspect there and the rhyme scheme went awry, but I think I know where you were trying to go with it, so maybe try something that professes love, committment, protection, etc. For the chorus, maybe the waves should caress rather than crash.....it seems to me more gentle and caring (unless you are like Joan Jett...then the waves definitely crash). maybe scratch the word 'over' after just breathing you. The bridge confuses me....I'm not sure what you are trying to say. I'm thinking that 'Breathing You (Again, and Again)' would make a good hook and title. it's in the chorus, so you hear it more than once, and maybe you could reinforce it in a verse. All the Way Down is mentioned just once and it's in verse three... Just some free thoughts....worth what you paid for them......I think the song has some very good potential and would love to see what you do with it.

Hey Les, I read through your lyrics again and had a thought. The line "You know I love you" might work better as "I will always love you" or "I'm in love with you". The reason why I think this is because the whole purpose of the song is to let your person know that you love them, and I presume you are telling them this because you aren't sure in yourself they do know. I guess the imagery to me plays out so much differently....saying "You know I love you." and patting her on the cheek as opposed to gently cupping her face in your hands and looking deeply into her eyes and saying "I will always love you." or "I am so in love with you". Just a couple of thoughts from a total cornball. lol

Thanks Les! I hear this as standard 12 bar blues based on power chords A5, D5, E5 and around 110 - 120 beats per minute with some pauses at key points. I wrote it as an "audience participation" song where everyone can shout out "But cookin' do!" At least that's what I hope it will end up as. I'm still fiddling with the chorus melody and chords/riff though.

I tried the lyrics with and without "cause" in them and I found that it does work better without it. Not so rushed. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm giving it a think about putting more emotion in it, although, like you said it will be hard and still maintain the fun part of the song.

Hi Les.....it looks to me like the Chorus could be split into a pre-chorus and chorus....with "Til death do us part" hanging there on it's own. just a thought. Nice thoughts and I think emotion. For everyone else ( and Les..lol).....here's my love song lyrical submission from a slightly different perspective. Lovin' From the Oven copyright 2016 JH Michaels Verse: When we first met I took you to the fair I got you on the Ferris wheel On my best friend's dare I put my arm around you when we stopped way up high Thought I was so smooth And you said "How 'bout some pie?" Pre-chorus: And there it was A slice of heaven in your hand I knew right then I was a lucky man Chorus: Oh it's lovin' from the oven Your daddy said it's true It's lovin' from the oven He said kissin' don't last.... But cookin' do Verse: Next thing I know We're parked out in the sticks Snuggled up together But you were on to my tricks I leaned in close Lookin' for some kissin' But you just smiled and said How 'bout some fried chicken Pre-chorus: And there it was Pure delight I knew right then I'd make you my wife Chorus: It's lovin' from the oven Your daddy said it's true It's lovin' from the oven He said kissin' don't last.... But cookin do Verse: Now after all these years You're my angel in the kitchen But there's one small thing I need to mention I found out what it was Your daddy really knew When the cookin' lasts The kissin' does too Pre-chorus: And here we are As happy as can be Just a cookin' and a kissin' And still makin' steam Chorus: It's lovin' from the oven Your daddy said it's true It's lovin' from the oven He said kissin' don't last.... But cookin' do Chorus Alt: It's loving from the oven Your daddy knew it's true It's lovin' from the oven When the cookin' lasts.... The kissin' does too

Hi Everyone! I've been searching for a forum to help with songwriting that isn't defunct or not working properly! I've been writing my own songs for a little over a year and a half now and would really like some honest feedback for lyrics and melody. My wife has been my primary critic and I'm hoping that someone here will be a little less harsh.....lol. I love writing songs and wish life hadn't gotten in the way to interrupt music, but on the other hand, it provides me with a lot of material. So cheers all...I hope to get to know you folks better. 1. Do you sing, play an instrument or instruments? What instruments? Acoustic guitar (her name is Gracie) When did you start playing? 1979 - 83 then 2014 - present Did you teach yourself? mostly 2. Are you in a band or bands? No What is the name of the band? What do you play? What other instruments are in the band? Do you have a band website? 3. Do you write songs? yes Do you write lyrics, music or both? both Do you have a writing partner? no 4. Do you record your music? yes Do you use a home studio? If so what gear do you use? a computer with Audigy software and a Yeti microphone Do you use a recording studio? no Do you have music available on the web? if so where? no 5. What other roles do you perform in the music business? None Management? Label owner? Publishing? Promotion? Other? 6. Are you a tech head? ehhh....depends....software maybe. 7. What country do you live in? USA 8. What are your ambitions? to write 10,000 songs 9. Do you draw/paint/write stories/computer art/dance or other creative pursuit? short stories and essays What are your pastimes? songwriting, music, surfing, fishing, traditional archery 10. What would you like to get out of Songstuff? tips, feedback, networking, and conversation with people who get it. I think that covers the main musical things!