Hey Steve
I liked the beach sea link, the circular nose to tail of the piece. A couple of questions and suggestions…
You chose stills for the cutaway cross fades, like the horse was there a reason for choosing still over footage?
I felt the imagery could have interacted with the text some more. For example, moving from beach and sea to sun dappled trees etc. and then still returning to the sea.
Something that reflected sleep more. The black screen brought with it that sleep context and it made me think of a few things. For example:
Sunlight shining through our eyelids and blurred, multicoloured spill from the environment we can be in. Eyes flickering open and shut. The hood of retreating and encroaching darkness as we draw back eyelids more slowly. The almost bokeh of light as our life’s open just a crack and light tumbles in.
Perhaps playing with some of the above in the middle might connect the footage and the text in a more meaningful way. As it stands, just now, there is that disconnect in the middle that allows the mind to wander.
Another nice touch, might be to introduce occasional whispered/softly spoken words from your narrative, as accents/emphasis. Just a thought
Otherwise I liked what you created.
Are you discovering any new perspectives on your music as a result of creating film to go with poem and music? For example, bleeding in environment sounds, or even spoken words into the stand alone audio.
I ask because I found it strengthened my visualisation. The narrative of song story lines had me thinking much more visually right back at the stage of writing my music. I was anticipating the video scenes when I was writing, much, much more than I had before I started creating videos. As a creator we have so much more control when we present the visual, melodic, rhythmic and lyrical narratives. So much more potential power in what we deliver.
I hope you are enjoying this new personal challenge?
Cheers
John