Hello, I'm back and relaxed, refreshed and rejuvenated (spelling? I'm terrible at it.)
It seems a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. Shocking to know about the riots!
Anyway JD, I know you've a lot on your plate at the moment so this is for when you're ready to look at it.
I've progessed my story by adding a 2nd verse. I've kept the first verse the same only making one amendment - swapping FOREVER to ALWAYS so it should fit better.
I agree, the chorus is the biggie and I wanted to make it as powerful as possible as well as keeping it simple. I've changed the title to The Promises we Make.
The chorus ends with the word PROMISES but it could be changed to THE PROMISES WE MAKE. Also JD, you end a line with OTHER while I end it with MAKE which, obviously is a syllable short, which obviously could be a problem. But if you like the story, then this is something we can work around.
The Promises we Make © Denielle West - August 2011
V1
Something tells me
Somethings so wrong
The smile that lights your eyes
Is now dead and gone
Someone took you
To have and always hold
The honeymoons over
His love has turned cold
Pre-chorus
He criticizes all that you do
(Yet) you got somebody here who loves you
Chorus
I dont wanna see
Another tear streak
Sometimes we have to break
The promises we make
We can justify
We can reason why
Why we have to break
Promises
(or)
Why we have to break
The promises we make.
V2
Sometimes I curse
Timing in life
If I had met you first
You would be my wife
Fate has served us
This chance to be as one
I know I ask a lot
And your heart is torn
Pre-chorus
Id turn my back on my love for you
If I knew he worshiped you too
Chorus
MP and Danka - Your songs are progressing well. Great work!