Writing A Song, Need Opinions

[unknown2u2a]

Ok, so I'm writing a song for the girl that I love

I just wanna know what do you think about how this line sounds because it really goes with the melody... but it sounds a little weird to me... grammatically.

"Only we can make our wishes become the truth".

Now I know you would usually say "Make a wish come true"...

What do you think? Is this wrong?

Thanks in advance

[john]

sounds fine as a single line

[unknown2u2a]

Really?

You mean it doesn't sound... wrong in the sense of the expression "to make a wish come true"

lol what do you mean by "as a single line"?

[FinnArild]

"wish come true" too much of a cliche. Keep it as it was - it's great!

[unknown2u2a]

Wow!

Thanks guys!

I thought it'll sound weird but it appears people appreciate things that are a little different from the usual.

Thank you very much!

[MikeRobinson]

They say that the essence of poetry is to say something that has been said a hundred times before, in a way that no one has said it before.

What "tickles the ear" is, "a turn of a phrase." Right now, "you've found one." You caught the interest of a lot of people. That's where it's at.