What I`m Trying To Say

[cisco]

I was asked to write a song about the feeling of loss, or emptiness when people go missing. children, lost in war, people we can`t recover. I came up with the kids part I think..do you think others will know what I`m trying to say? I want to write this a verse at a time so I don`t get to vague. I can`t think of anything more cruel than not knowing what happened to loved ones..[just my thought] any thoughts are welcome. I always put on a little noise with the write to give you a better idea where I was going with it, and kinda how it meters. forgive that...lol

http://snd.sc/W4IZSi

V1

Daughters twirl in lace and

glass-slippers..

all the Children with Bubble-gum breath.

The laughter once rang down hallways..

Mothers and Fathers stand striking their chest..

Chorus

chorus:

that is just like thunder

its like rain...

hearts without love

ship without sail.

it is all like thunder....

and its hard to explain

it is just like falling

going under a wave...

Vincent 2012

======================================

this is just thoughts I had for it..

when they are never seen again

beware of the farel human"

I have never counted the hour...

always love

We repeat to the Gods,

mea culpa is harder to bear..

putting on 'widows weeds'..

[MikeRobinson]

Encountering this for the very first time, as any listener would do:

The image is instantly recognizable ... daughters, bubble-gum. The lyric, with the possible forced-rhyme exception of what the parents are doing in the last line, is strong at that point.

I will "suspend disbelief" about the premise of the chorus until I've heard the next stanza. But I do expect that stanza, and the first, to reinforce the deferred-promise contained in that chorus.

The remainder of it, so far, are "snatches." And what you should be doing at this point is gathering up those precious 'snatches' and then sorting carefully among them as they come. Look at your first-verse; look at the unifying premise of the chorus (which often serves to provide continuity to a song ...). Consider, creatively, how the various "snatches" that you come up with might reinforce or not-reinforce those things.

Also: bear in mind that you, as the creator, will be confronted with decisions. There's never going to be any Fairy Godmother that shows up and hands you "the answer." You're going to choose, very deliberately. And once again, no one's going to tell you what to choose and what not to.

Don't Stop! You've got something here!!

"The creator is the ultimate loner," and when he or she is finished, (s)he finds it utterly impossible to describe the actual process." Fortunately, in the company of other "lonely creators," (s)he doesn't have to. We already know.

Edited October 22, 2012 by MikeRobinson